


Shining a Light Into Darkness

by alittlesoulcarryingacorpse



Series: Opened My Eyes [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Character, F/F, blind!Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:43:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5688007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlesoulcarryingacorpse/pseuds/alittlesoulcarryingacorpse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m so sorry, I should have had my head up.” Clarke held her hand down to the brunette, but there was no response from her. She waved her hand around for a moment until-<br/>Oh. Oh. She just knocked over a blind woman.</p><p>or;</p><p>Clarke is not so smooth, Lexa is blind, and Octavia and Raven are not helpful.<br/>A Blind!Lexa AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clumsy Beginnings

“One more signature and then we’re good to go.”

Clarke opened her eyes and looked down at the clip board. The nurse pointed her finger at the line that required ink and Clarke scrawled her name down.

“Thanks, Griffin. See you later, probably.” She nodded once at her with a small smile and left.

 

Clarke rested her head against the wall again, blonde hair falling into her face. She blew air out of her mouth in a weak attempt to move it away, but was unsuccessful. It had been a very, very long day. Why were there so many accidents in New York? The traffic hardly moved anyway. How the hell do so many people get hurt when the cars are all moving at a snail’s pace? Steadying herself on her feet, Clarke shuffled along the hallway back to the exit where Octavia was surely waiting impatiently.

 

Head down, eyes fluttering closed, Clarke walked straight into another person. That made her head fly up, only to knock into their jaw.

“Ow, shit!” Clarke grabbed her head and looked at the woman on the floor. “I’m so sorry, I should have had my head up.” Clarke held her hand down to the brunette, but there was no response from her. She waved her hand around for a moment until-

Oh. _Oh_. She just knocked over a blind woman. A blind woman who was quietly searching for her white cane, only a few inches out of her reach.

 

Clarke quickly picked it up and placed it between her thumb and index finger. The woman tightly grasped the cane and cursed about something under her breath.

“Again, I’m sorry, I really should have been watching where I was going,” Clarke said.

“Yes. You really should have,” the woman snapped.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. She figured she would get a little bit of anger considering she literally knocked the brunette over, but maybe a bit of understanding. Clarke was wrong.

 

“You can stop staring at me. I am not a charity case needing your help.” The woman stood up straight and brushed the front of her shirt back into place. She was taller than Clarke by a few inches, lean, and held herself with an air of confidence. The woman was beautiful.

Clarke stood in front of her, wanting to make up for pushing her down. “Could I maybe buy you a coffee?” she asked.

The woman scoffed at Clarke, “Did you not hear what I just said? I’m not a charity case. I certainly do not your pity coffee.”

“Well, it wasn’t pity coffee. It’s a ‘you’re cute and headstrong, and I like that’ coffee,” Clarke offered with a small smile.

The woman softened slightly, but kept the stoic look on her face. A name was called from behind Clarke, and the woman perked up. “Maybe another time, if you will excuse me.”

 

Clarke moved to the side and the woman made her way down the narrow hallway. She turned a corner and Clarke moved back towards the exit. Octavia was making her way inside as she reached the double doors.

“Jesus, what has been taking you so long? We have a non-urgent call to get to and here you are, lolly-gagging in a hallway. Clarke, you know this hospital like the back of your hand, what is with you?” Octavia waved her hands around dramatically and Clarke rolled her eyes.

Clarke left the building with Octavia on her heels. “You really need to chill, O. I walked into a woman and I was apologizing. I asked her to get coffee sometime.” She opened the driver’s side door of the ambulance and hopped into the seat.

Octavia climbed in the other side and buckled her seat belt. “Ooh, so you were trying to make a lady-friend! Was she cute? What’s her name? Did you get her number?”

 

Clarke stopped putting the key into the ignition. Yes. No name. No number.

“Shit!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t even get her name! Oh, my god, I’m such an idiot.” Clarke dropped her head onto the steering wheel and the ambulance let out a honk. Pedestrians jumped and their eyes widened. Octavia waved to reassure them. All they returned were squints and unease.

“Seriously, though, Clarke. How did you not get her number? Or even her name at least?” Octavia asked.

“I don’t know, I was a little caught up in apologizing and she wasn’t exactly happy I walked into her.” Clarke turned the key and began driving towards their next patient.

Octavia let out a snort, “No shit, Sherlock. When is anyone ever happy when you plow them over?”

 

“She was being particularly snappy at me, that’s all. I suppose she has a right to be extra snarky, though.”

“Why?”

“She’s blind. And pretty. Tall, with long brown curly hair.”

“Oh. Well, I was going to say she might see you around the hospital, but I guess not. So you’ll just have to hope you see her.”

 

Clarke groaned at the thought. They went to so many hospitals in the Bronx every day. How could she get back into that hospital and manage to bump (no pun intended) into the woman again? There was no guarantee that she would even be there again since she didn’t look like staff. The brunette woman was likely a patient there for an appointment of some kind. The odds were not in Clarke’s favour.

 

* * *

 

 

It took twelve days before Clarke was back in Bronx-Lebanon Hospital Center (not that she was counting or anything, why would she be?) and had a chance to scour the building for the brunette woman who just wouldn’t leave her head.

Every time she saw a woman with brown curls, Clarke’s head whipped around and she tried to get a better look at them. No luck.

 

The radio sparked to life, the scratchy voice telling Clarke that there was someone in need of medical care. She sighed deeply, shaking her head at herself. Why couldn’t she have just gotten her name?

 

Until she came into view. Clarke smiled brightly. “Hey!”

There was no response to her words. The woman was about to walk right past her. Shit. How was Clarke supposed to get her attention?

“Hi, um, I bumped into you twel- (not counting, right?) about a week or two ago, and offered you coffee?” Clarke spoke up. “I didn’t get your name.”

“I suppose I didn’t get yours either,” the woman said. She recognized the voice and brought a hand up to her jaw. It was still somewhat sore from the incident.

 

“I’m Clarke,” she held out her hand. “Clarke Griffin.”

The woman paid no attention to the hand held out to her, again. Clarke dropped it quickly.

“Lexa Woods. I have somewhere to be though, again, if you will excuse me.”

Clarke nodded, then realized that her body language was not going to be noticed. “See you around!”

The woman-Lexa Woods, Clarke now knew-walked past her with a nod and a polite smile on her face.   

 

Clarke chastised herself under her breath as she made her way out of the hospital. “See you around? Really, Clarke, really? You’re such an idiot. At least you got her name this time."

Her number. Clarke still didn’t have a way to contact her. She let out a loud groan at her realization, “God damn it!” A couple of staff members glanced at her. Clarke quickly picked herself up and stomped out to the rig where Octavia was playing on her phone, waiting.

 

Octavia glanced up as Clarke opened the door, “So, lover-girl, did you bump into her?”

Clarke huffed. “I forgot to ask for her number.”

Octavia let out a barking laugh. “Griffin, come on. You used to be so good at picking people up. What happened? Turn twenty-five and you lose everything you ever learned about smooth talking people?”

“Shut up.” Clarke started the vehicle and drove away from the hospital.

 

“No, this is too funny, seriously. Clarke, you’ve been hoping that someone would be hurt in this area for like, two weeks now, just so you could get back into that hospital and look for her. And now you did, and you totally choked. This is some bad rom-com gone wrong shit.”

Clarke sighed and rubbed at her face. Honestly, she was so good at this in college, how did she lose all of her skills. One bad relationship should not have done this to her. “I blame Finn,” she muttered. 

Octavia looked up from her phone, “We all blame Finn for everything. I even like to blame him for my socks going missing, just because. Fuckboy has a lot to answer for still.”

 

“Never mind him. I did get her name though. How many Lexa Woods' do you think are in New York?”

Octavia grinned at the mention of her name. Clarke looked over at her suspiciously. “Probably a ton. Not to mention Lexa sounds like a nickname. A shorter version of something anyway. Alexa? Alexandra? Alexandria?”

“Octavia,” Clarke whined. “That’s not helping.”

“Oh relax, you’ll find her eventually.”

 

The two young adults found their way home after another long shift together. The apartment was filled with pop music and their third roommate stirring a pot on the stove.

“Finally, thought you two idiots would never get here. I’m making spaghetti so get ready for some good shit,” Raven waved the spoon at them, flinging small bits of meat and sauce at them.

 

Octavia grinned at Raven, “Guess who finally found out mystery woman’s name?”

“Wait, the blind one? No way! Did you get her number, Clarke?”

Octavia smirked. Clarke let out an agonized groan. “No. I fucking forgot to ask. Again.”

 

“Ten bucks, Reyes. Told you she wouldn’t get it.”

“You guys bet on me asking for her number?” Clarke gaped at her roommates as Raven tugged her wallet from her back pocket.

“Don’t act so surprised, you know this is definitely not the first time we’ve bet on you,” Octavia said as Raven pressed the bill into her hand.

 

Clarke sighed at their antics and left them alone in the kitchen. Tossing her bag onto her bed, Clarke gathered some comfy clothes to lounge around in. Just as she tugs the sweatpants over her hips, her phone dings from inside her bag. She wraps her hair into a bun high on her head and shuffles towards the bed. Clarke digs out the phone, types in her passcode (which is only there to keep her annoying roommates out of it. They like to put in shortcuts that make her message odd things to her parents. Odd and embarrassing things), and opens her messages. There’s a few from her mom, one from Bellamy, and the newest one is from an unknown number. Who was texting her?

 

Clarke opened the message and let out a gasp. She ran back out to the kitchen.

“Octavia! What the hell?”

Octavia raised her head, giving Clarke the same innocent smile she likes to give Bellamy. She noticed the phone in her friend’s hand and her smile widened. “Well, you never did ask if she had _your_ number. I’ll take my thanks in a back rub later tonight.”

 

Raven piped up before Clarke could say anything, “O! That’s totally cheating! I want my money back.”

“Nuh uh, there were no rules saying anything about Lexa getting Clarke’s number!”

“Yeah, but in giving her Clarke’s number, she’s obviously not going to give out her own when she can already contact her whenever it’s convenient!”

“Snooze you lose, Reyes, get over it.”

 

“Guys!”

The bickering women look over to Clarke, who is still standing there with the phone raised in the air.

“What?” They both ask indignantly.

 

“What am I supposed to say to her?”

Octavia stands from her chair to read the text message. 

 

**Unknown Number**

Hello, this is Lexa Woods. A woman named

Octavia gave me this number, telling me that 

Clarke Griffin would be on the receiving end.

Should we find a suitable date to get coffee?         

 


	2. Black Coffee and Small Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa scoffed, she was blind, not a child. She quickly voiced this, “Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t do things on my own.”  
> Clarke was expecting the previous snippy tone from Lexa. She figured she got a lot of crap from people. “I just meant since I asked you to coffee and I’m buying to make it up for plowing you over,” Clarke replied.   
> Right. Nice one, Lexa. 
> 
> or;  
> Clarke and Lexa get coffee, Octavia and Raven are still little shits, and Anya is not having any of Lexa's shit.

The coffee date happened a week later when Clarke finally gets time off.  

Clarke had Octavia and Raven help her pick out a casual outfit for the coffee date (is it even a date? Neither of them said it was explicitly a date). She wore a dark sweater with a colourful scarf and light coloured jeans, with a pair of boots with small heels.

“Why are you so worried about how you look, anyway? It’s not like she can see you.”

“Raven, just because she’s blind doesn’t mean I can show up in sweatpants,” Clarke replied with an eye roll.

“She has a point,” Octavia said. “Plus Clarke should show off her beauty.”

Clarke smiled at her best friend.

“I mean, it’s not like she’s getting any younger. We don’t want her to dry up before she’s even thirty.”

“Octavia!”

Raven and Octavia snickered. Clarke sighed heavily and left her bedroom. Being attacked in her own bedroom was nothing new coming from her childhood best friends, but she was actually a bit nervous for this date (again, is it even a date?) considering she hadn’t been on one since before Finn.

 

Finn Collins. Fuckboy of the year, according to all of her friends. It was an accurate statement but every time someone said it, Clarke felt like shit. If everyone else had seen it in him before he cheated on her, why couldn’t she? Why couldn’t she have saved herself the heartbreak of walking in on him inside of another woman? Clarke sighed and shook her head. There would be no repeats of Finn. Besides, this might not even be a date. She shouldn’t be getting so worked up over nothing.

Clarke looked into the mirror and held her chin up. She was a beautiful woman. She could do whatever she wanted and be the confident, smooth person she used to be just a few short years ago. Clarke could charm the pants off Lexa if she wanted. Clarke was more interested in getting to know the woman, though.

 

* * *

 

Except Lexa was hardly into the thought of being around anyone else.

“Anya, I really don’t see why this needs to be such a big deal. I don’t need another friend.”

Lexa sat at their counter on a bar stool and felt around the counter for her water bottle. Why was she being forced to do this?

Anya saw the hand sliding around the countertop. “It’s three inches to the right of your hand. And you’re making this a bigger deal than it should be. You’re going out for coffee, not asking her to marry you,” Anya said, turning around to face her roommate.

Lexa huffed, picking up the bottle and twisting the cap off. “You texted her from my phone while I was in the shower after I told you that I had her number. I didn’t have any choice in the matter. And that text didn’t even sound like me anyway.” She took a sip of the water.

A snort was let out from the other side of the kitchen. Lexa listened to Anya moving towards the counter, socks catching on the tiled floor. “Yes it did. You get weirdly formal when you don’t know someone, or when you’re annoyed, or not interested in whatever is going on.”

“I do not.”

“Yes, Lex. You do.”

“Whatever. I still don’t want to go out.”

 

Anya sighed. It had been a long time since Lexa had gone out for anything other than the occasional work meeting or to take Gustus out for a walk. The German Sheppard needed a lot of exercise and their apartment was definitely not enough for the big lug. It was eerily quiet without him being there. “Lexa,” she says softly.  “It’s been three years.”

Lexa doesn’t want to hear this again. She’s heard that same sentence leave Anya’s mouth close to a million times. She doesn’t need Anya’s half hour lecture about how Costia would want her to live. How she would be annoyed that Lexa has practically become a hermit when she had only just pulled her out of the shell she was in. She presses her mouth into a thin line, “Fine. I’ll go.”

“Good. Now let’s make you look cute.”      

Lexa picked the black sunglasses up from where she dropped them on the counter, and placed them back on her face to rest on her nose, “I thought I was already cute.”

 

* * *

 

Anya dropped Lexa off at the coffee shop. It was a short walk from their apartment, one Lexa could have easily made on her own, but Anya was insistent. Only for the purpose of making sure Lexa was actually going and not lying to her (which had happened the last time Anya set her up on a date, and the two times before that. Needless to say, Anya’s friends no longer want to try dating Lexa).

She pulled her jacket from her arms and sat at the table Anya guided her to. It was a small table with chairs for two beside the window. Anya left promptly after telling her that she didn’t want to see Lexa again for at least an hour. The sweet smell of baking cookies and cinnamon rolls filled the air. Lexa liked to listen to the sounds of the coffee shop. It was calming in a way. The grinding of espresso beans, loud customers impatiently ordering their customized drinks, the small bell tinkering above the doorway, footsteps moving around her as people found their own tables to enjoy their beverages and pastries.

Footsteps that would stop close to her every so often, then quickly shuffle away. People staring at her, no doubt. The white cane gave away the blindness quite easily. The feeling of being stared at never got easier to deal with. Lexa hoped that one day people would glance over her like they do for everyone else in New York.

 

Light tapping of high heels and a chair being pulled out in front of her brought her from her thoughts.

“Hi, Lexa.”

“Hello.”

Clarke sat across from Lexa and placed her bag next to her on the ground. Clarke smiled at her. No response, of course. Clarke really needed to remember that body language wasn’t going to be applicable here.

“This is Clarke, correct?” Lexa was being formal about it, she knew it was her. She would know that low, husky voice anywhere and she had only been around the woman twice. Despite protesting to Anya, she was intrigued by Clarke. A small part inside of her did want to have someone new in her life.

“What? Oh, yeah. It is,” Clarke said quickly. She probably could have said her own name.

“I wanted to be sure. I recognize your voice.”

“I should have said it was me, I’m sorry. So, what can I get for you?”

Lexa scoffed, she was blind, not a child. She quickly voiced this, “Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t do things on my own.”

Clarke was expecting the previous snippy tone from Lexa. She figured she got a lot of crap from people. “I just meant since I asked you to coffee and I’m buying to make it up for plowing you over,” Clarke replied.

Right. Nice one, Lexa. “Oh. Just. A black coffee, please.”

Clarke smiled. “I’ll be right back then.” She picked up her bag and moved to stand in line behind a few other people.

Lexa sighed to herself. Anya’s words echoed in her mind. _It’s been three years_. She should be following Anya’s advice to meet someone instead of being snarky to Clarke. Clarke seemed genuine in trying to make it up to her for bumping into her, so why shouldn’t she just accept the coffee and get to know her a little bit? Another friend wouldn’t kill her.

 

Clarke came back promptly with the drinks. “A black coffee, for you. Iced coffee with double espresso for me.” She set the cup in front of Lexa and took a sip of her own.

“Thank you,” Lexa said quietly. She placed her hand flat on the table and slid it out slowly until her fingers hit the edge of the cup. Lexa picked it up and held onto it with both hands. She liked the warmth it gave her.

“You’re welcome.”

They sat in silence as they both sipped their drinks. Lexa was the first one to speak up.

 

“So, you work in the hospital then?” Lexa asked.

Clarke set her coffee on the table and wiped the condensation off her hand onto her jeans. “Sort of. I’m a paramedic, so I’m in a lot of hospitals but mostly just to drop patients off. I spend a lot of time out picking people up from wherever they got hurt. And in traffic.”

Lexa nodded. She wasn’t a fan of ambulances. “How long have you been doing that?”

“About three years. Octavia and I, the one who gave you my number, were really lucky to get jobs together. Well, to get jobs at all here. A lot of people from our class had to move out of state to find anything.”

“That is rather unfortunate,” Lexa acknowledged.

Clarke hummed in response, “I was glad to stay in the city. My mom wanted me to be a doctor, like her, but I was not doing school for another eight freaking years, not to mention residency. High school was torture enough, right?”

 

Lexa smiled at Clarke. It wasn’t the same, polite smile she got from her in the hospital. It seemed genuine this time, and she picked up on that subtle change. Clarke continued, “So I met her part way in the medical field and became a paramedic. My dad just wanted me to be happy, even encouraged me to take on a job in one of my hobbies, but I didn’t think I was good enough to do it.”  

Clarke paused to fiddle with her drink. Lexa dipped her head down, waiting for Clarke to continue.

“So, what is it that you do?” Clarke took the straw into her mouth and waited for Lexa’s response.

Lexa tipped her head back to face Clarke. “I write for a magazine. I freelance for other magazines often but there is one I write articles for their monthly issue. There is also some original work that I’m planning to publish soon.”

Clarke swallowed a small ice cube that made its way up her straw. “Ooh, that’s interesting. Can I get a sneak peek into the preview of the next best seller?”

Lexa let out an amused puff of air and shook her head, “I’m afraid that is classified.” She smirked in Clarke’s direction.

 

Clarke let out a light laugh and bit her lip. Was Lexa flirting with her? “Damn, that’s too bad.”

Lexa decided she would do anything to hear that laugh again. “I have been planning it since I was seven years old, that much I can tell you. English was always a favourite subject of mine, regardless of how much everyone called me a book worm. The worlds that can be created in novels are so intricate and wonderful, details flowing over the pages.”

Clarke admired Lexa’s passion as she talked about books and writing. She was getting quite animated about the topic, and Clarke was staring at her lips as Lexa spoke. A sheepish grin on her face as she retold a story during her childhood, one that inspired the desire she now held to write.

Clarke took the chance to take all of Lexa in. The high cheekbones, beautiful natural curls, plump lips, and a killer jawline. She was remarkable. Clarke bit her lip again when her eyes focused on Lexa’s smile. Kissing her would be amazing, she thought.

 

She was pulled from her unabashed staring when a boy moved into her sight from a reflection in the glass windows. Clarke glanced to her left where two teenage boys are also staring at Lexa. But they are taking in the white cane and the big sunglasses, making stupid faces and obscene hand gestures in her direction. Clarke glared at them so hard they got up and leave the café in a hurry.

“Clarke? Are you even listening?” Lexa asked as she continued to glare at the idiot boys through a window. One looks back and she resisted the urge to flip him off.

Clarke whipped her head back around to Lexa, who had an eyebrow quirked up over the top of her glasses. “What? Yeah, sorry. I just got a little distracted. Lot of idiot people in here.” Clarke didn’t want to upset Lexa by telling her about the boys, so she left it at that.

Lexa nodded, a little dejected. She didn’t mean to go rambling on enough to bore Clarke. She wanted Clarke to be interested in her, not bored. “Oh, okay. So that is about all I have planned at the moment.”

 

They talked a little longer about their lives without getting too personal before Clarke had to go for her next shift.

Clarke stood up from her seat and stretched her legs out. She glanced outside and took in the dark clouds that had appeared since she came into the café from the shining sun. “Would you like me to drive you home? Save you the trouble of navigating on your own?”

Lexa rolled her eyes behind her glasses. They did still work for basic movements, despite not allowing anyone other than Anya to see them, or being able to use them herself. “I thought I made it perfectly clear that I can handle myself, Clarke.” She was being a bit snappy again, similar to the beginning of their date.

Clarke can tell that she keeps hitting the wrong buttons. “You definitely can. It’s raining now though, that’s all.” She was only trying to be helpful.

Lexa sighed. Of course it was. The weather never seemed to cooperate when she left the house. Staying inside made everything so much easier. “No. It’s okay. I have a hood.” Lexa tugged her jacket over her shoulders and twisted the fabric of the hood into the proper position.

“I have an umbrella in my car, I could walk you if you don’t want to get into a car with me. Understandable, really. Not wanting to get into a car with someone you hardly know.” Clarke shrugged her shoulders into her own jacket before doing up the front buttons. She looked back up to Lexa who picked her cane up from the ground.

Lexa contemplated the offer. It would make getting home a lot faster to have someone else to walk with. “Okay,” she said softly.

Clarke grinned, “Great! I’ll go grab the umbrella, I’ll be back in a second.”

Lexa nodded once and leaned against the table. Clarke was quick in grabbing the umbrella. From her slightly heavier breathing, Lexa assumed she ran.

“Okay. Ready?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke took her hand. She wasn’t expecting that. Normally when someone would lead her, they would offer their elbow to hold. But Clarke laced her fingers between hers and gave a slight squeeze and Lexa was unable to refuse the hand holding. Clarke’s hand was like a key fitting into a lock. The last time Lexa felt like that was with-

Lexa pushes that thought from her mind and Clarke begins the walk towards Lexa’s apartment.

“So, the address of the building?” Clarke asked after she gets the umbrella open with one hand. Once she grasped Lexa’s hand, she didn’t really want to let it go.

Lexa rattled off the address and Clarke stopped. Lexa turned her head towards Clarke, confused. “What?”

“We’re going the wrong way, sorry,” Clarke said sheepishly.  

Lexa smirked, “Not much of a guide, are you?”

Clarke let out that same laugh from earlier. Lexa almost died at the sound. Clarke nudged her with her shoulder, “Shut up.”

 

They make the rest of the walk in silence, Clarke only speaking to warn Lexa about a large crack in part of the sidewalk. Their hands never break apart. When they get up to the doorway of the building, Clarke is unsure what to do next.

“I can make it from here, thank you,” Lexa said, saving Clarke from getting on her nerves again. “Thank you for the coffee, and for walking me home.”

“It was my pleasure,” Clarke responded with a smile. She leaned in and left a quick kiss on Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa felt Clarke’s lips and swallowed hard. Her eyelids dropped closed and her chest quickly filled with heat, moving up her face.

Clarke pulled away with a final squeeze of Lexa’s hand. “Text me sometime?”

 

Lexa nodded quickly before turning around to open the door. “Goodbye, Clarke.”

“Bye, Lexa.”

The door closed behind Lexa and she leaned against it, letting out a long breath. Holy shit. It had been a very long time since anyone had this kind of effect on Lexa.

             

Clarke was in a similar state, walking back towards the coffee shop, a wide grin on her face.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on the first chapter. This is pretty much my first time writing anything like this so please leave comments about what you think.  
> I also want to leave a disclaimer that I don't actually know anyone personally who is blind, I've just read books centered around them, so if anyone has any corrections for me to make, or maybe something that I'm leaving out, please let me know! I have done a little bit of research but I'm definitely not an expert.


	3. Text Messages and Pacing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Would you calm down and stop pacing?” she said nonchalantly, turning the page on her book. “You’re going to make a rut in the floor. Just text her already and ask her out. She sounds cute. She looks cute from the social media pictures you made me stalk.”  
> Lexa stops pacing and glares at Anya. “I just wanted you to tell me what she looked like and all I got was from you was that she’s blonde and cute. You’re not helping.”
> 
> or;   
> Lexa is a pacer, Clarke uses emojis, and Anya is still a little shit.

Lexa was having a crisis the next day. What did Clarke mean by telling her to text her sometime? Text her in two hours? Two days? Two weeks? Had she waited too long? Would she seem desperate if she texted her now, especially since she hadn’t even wanted to go out with her in the first place?

Anya sighed from her place on the couch. Lexa had recounted the date to Anya after coming home, and while Anya was quite happy that Lexa was actually interested in the new woman in her life, this worrying shit had to stop.

“Would you calm down and stop pacing?” she said nonchalantly, turning the page on her book. “You’re going to make a rut in the floor. Just text her already and ask her out. She sounds cute. She looks cute from the social media pictures you made me stalk.”

Lexa stops pacing and glares at Anya. “I just wanted you to tell me what she looked like and all I got was from you was that she’s blonde and cute. You’re not helping.”

“You weren’t even interested in meeting with her ever again yesterday, and now you’re nervous to text her? I practically shoved you down the street into that café.”

Sheepishly, “Okay, so maybe I have wanted a little bit of human interaction.”

“You want to get laid.”

Lexa groaned, ignoring that comment. And the memory of the heat that had filled her body when Clarke kissed her cheek. “It’s been three years, Anya. I haven’t exactly been practicing my people skills. Or my flirting skills. She kissed me on the cheek and I practically went up in flames. I don’t even know if she’s interested in me.”

“Yeah, your game is weak.”

This only made Lexa begin pacing again. Anya sighed. “Her facebook says she’s bisexual. So it’s safe to assume that she is interested.”

Lexa continued to pace in front of the coffee table. Anya threw her head back against the couch. “Lexa! Stop being a chicken shit and text her before I take your phone and do it for you. Again.”

That stopped Lexa. She turned on her heel and walked quickly to her bedroom with her phone. Lexa sat on the corner of her queen sized bed. She could totally do this, right? Just start a conversation. Gustus hopped up onto the bed beside her and she scratched between his ears.

“I can do this, right, Gus?”

Gustus lifted his head up at the sound of his name. Lexa could feel him panting on her shoulder. She took it as encouragement.

 

**Lexa Woods**

We should get together this week.

 

Lexa groaned at her own words after she hit send. Anya was right, she sounded so formal. She’s not texting her boss. Despite her annoyance at herself, her phone dings hardly a minute later. Not once, but four times in quick succession. Lexa runs her finger over the screen to open her messages. VoiceOver on her iPhone reads Clarke’s messages back to her.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

Takeout and a movie?

We could do it wherever.

Although I have roommates.

Roommates who are annoying whenever I bring anyone over.

 

Lexa smiles to herself and begins typing out a reply.

 

**Lexa Woods**

Sounds good. My roommate will not be home tomorrow night, if you would like to avoid the annoying roommates.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

I work until 8pm tomorrow night, so is 9pm okay? And a preferred takeout to bring?

 

**Lexa Woods**

9pm is good. You do not need to bring food. You got coffee yesterday, I will order pizza if that is okay with you?

 

**Clarke Griffin**

Good with me grinning face with normal eyes order whatever you like, I’m not picky.

 

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Grinning face with normal eyes? What the hell is that?” she asks out loud.

“It’s an emoji, idiot. You never get any because you never socialize.”

Lexa jumped. “Anya! How long have you been standing there?”

“Since you started grinning at your phone. I have to make sure you don’t fuck this up, that’s what best friends do,” she replied, crossing her arms. “Besides, since when am I not home tomorrow?”

Lexa typed out her reply to Clarke.

 

**Lexa Woods**

See you then.

 

“Since you don’t want to be crashing my date,” Lexa replied curtly.

Anya snickered, “Nah, I’m not into Netflix and chill.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “It’s not that. It’s just dinner and a movie.”

“Lexa, that’s pretty much Netflix and chill.”

“We won’t be having sex!”

“Sure you won’t, kiddo. I’ll make my presence scarce as to not ruin the mood.” Lexa threw a pillow at the doorway, making Anya scoff. “Nice aim.” Anya left the doorway of her bedroom just as quietly as she had walked into it. Lexa noticed the creaking of the floor board to the left of the exit this time.

Lexa shook her head and yelled at Anya, “Stop calling me kiddo!”

“Not happening!”

Lexa sighed and fell back onto her bed, lying beside Gustus. He licked at her cheek and Lexa rubbed his nose. She had a date tomorrow night. One where Clarke would be in her personal space. And they would be alone.

She shot back into a sitting position at this realization. Lexa hadn’t been alone with anyone other than Anya in a long time. What if she fucked up and scared Clarke off by being weird before she even gets a real chance with her?

Lexa is back in the living room and the pacing recommences.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter being short, but this next one is going to be enormous, so I knew I had to split them up. It will be up before Sunday for sure so keep watch for it!   
> More thanks to everyone who has commented and kudo'ed this! It honestly makes my entire day better when I see that more people like this.


	4. Netflix and Sleep?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Show me something you really like.”   
> “Something that I really like is boring,” Lexa mumbled.   
> “I don’t think you’re boring.”  
> Lexa’s small smile made a reappearance. “Okay, fine. Don’t complain when we’re half an hour in and you’re ready to fall asleep.”
> 
> or;  
> It's Netflix and Chill night for Clarke and Lexa, Anya is keen on the Chill part, and Octavia is a little shit, but at least she's a supportive little shit.

Clarke practically ran into the apartment after her shift ended.

“Woah there, Speedy Gonzales. No need to make me eat dust, I already agreed to let you shower first,” Octavia said as Clarke pushed past her.

Clarke huffed as she stripped in the bathroom, “We got home late! I only have forty minutes to make myself look like I didn’t just work twelve hours.”

“You should probably worry more about your smell,” Octavia muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

 

Clarke turned the shower on and got in immediately. Shivers ran down her spine under the cold spray of water. Clarke massaged the shampoo into her blonde hair and quickly rinsed it out. There wasn’t enough time for a lather, rinse, repeat like usual so she would just have to accept it. After a quick run of her razor (and two nicks on her ankle because of her haste) and some vanilla scented body wash, Clarke was out of the shower. A towel wrapped around her torso and one in her hair, she rushed into her room to find something to wear.

They were only watching a movie and having pizza, so casual and comfortable? She pulled out a pair of leggings and a slightly oversized green cardigan. It slipped off of one shoulder but that was the desired effect, according to Raven who was with her when she had bought it.

Clarke slipped a hair tie onto her wrist just in case she felt like putting it up later and began brushing out her wet hair. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and sighed. 8:36pm. Not enough time to do anything except blow dry her hair.

And makeup. She still had to put on makeup.

“Octavia!”

Octavia appeared in her doorway. “Yes?”

Clarke glanced over at her friend sheepishly, “Do my hair so I can do my makeup?”

Octavia sighed dramatically, “And what do I get out of this?”

“Breakfast in bed, sometime in the near future.”

She smirks and wiggles her eyebrows at Clarke, “Definitely not tomorrow morning, huh?”

Clarke makes a noise of distress, “It might be if I show up with medusa hair!”

Octavia rolls her eyes and starts rummaging around for the blow dryer in Clarke’s drawers. The room is quiet except for the roar of the hot air, and Clarke thinks about Octavia’s comment. When Octavia is done, so is Clarke, and she had ten minutes to spare. She voiced her worries to Octavia.

“What if she’s not interested and I’m just assuming things? What if she’s just humouring me?”

Octavia placed her hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “I think she would have blocked your number and placed a restraining order.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and shoved Octavia’s hand off of her. “Not helping.”

“Clarke, come on. You have game. You can get into her pants no problem.”

“O, I like her. This isn’t just sex. Honestly, I don’t even care about the sex. She’s pretty and sweet, when she isn’t being defensive, and God, she has this one smile and I can tell that she doesn’t smile like that often but I just,” Clarke sighed. “I want to make her smile like that all the time.”

“If I wasn’t trying to be supportive right now, I’d throw up.” Clarke shook her head. “Just be yourself, Clarke. She likes you too, enough to talk about her work and tell you a story about her childhood. Lexa seems pretty closed off for the most part, but she told you that stuff. When I talked to her, I hardly got one word. Just a curt nod and a yes.”

Clarke looked up at Octavia, “Really?”

Octavia nodded, “Really. So get going, or you’re going to be late. And quit your worrying.”

 

* * *

 

Anya answered a knock on the door, promptly at 9pm.

Clarke smiled at the woman in front of her. “Hi. You’re not Lexa. The roommate I presume?”

“Well I’m definitely not the girlfriend. I’m Anya.”

Clarke’s smile grows and she mentally fist pumps. Her gaydar was correct. Maybe she does have a chance.

Anya steps to the side, “You can come in, Clarke.” She closes the door behind Clarke. “Before I go though, I need to say something to you.”

Clarke faces Anya and nods. “Okay, what is it?”

“If you hurt her in any way, I will hunt you down and ensure you get the same level of pain she does. However that may manifest, is up to me. Also, this better not be some sick game of dare in which you try to take advantage of a blind girl. She doesn’t need that bullshit in her life and you had better not be doing anything like that. Or else that pain level I mentioned is going to triple.”

Clarke nods seriously, “I don’t have any intention of hurting her. And I’m definitely not thinking that I can take advantage of her. Not that I would want to anyway, but Lexa seems like she can fight her own battles.”

Anya smirked proudly. She taught Lexa well. “She can. Anyway, no sex on the couch, table, or kitchen counter. I’ll be back tomorrow morning so don’t worry about the noise level.” Clarke blushed and opened her mouth to protest about insinuating they would have sex, but Anya was shouting out to Lexa before she got the chance. “I’m leaving kiddo, I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t forget about the kickboxing.”

Lexa appeared from the doorway leading from what Clarke assumes is the living room. She wore black leggings and a long grey tank top that’s been stretched at the arms to show off her ribs and purple bandeau. Lexa is not wearing her sunglasses. Clarke is mesmerized. Her eyes are so green. “Anya, I swear to god if you call me kiddo one more time, I will purposely kick you in the face tomorrow and pretend I didn’t mean to, again.”

“Oh, Clarke’s here by the way.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. She blinks and drops her head towards the ground. “Oh. Hello, Clarke.”

“Hi,” Clarke managed to squeak out as her eyes roamed the length of Lexa’s body.

Anya looked between a shier Lexa and a drooling Clarke and clears her throat. Clarke started to blush again and Lexa’s head jerked up, eyebrow quirked in question. “Right, anyway. No sex on the couch, table, or kitchen counter, kiddo.” She turns and walks out the door before either of them can protest her words.

Clarke moved closer to Lexa when she caught sight of her eyes again. Her eyes are interesting. The right eye looks completely normal. Lexa’s left eye is what lead Clarke closer towards her. It looked like the pupil is in a sideways tear drop, where the pupil extends to the far edge of the iris, just about to break it.  

Lexa broke the silence. “Pizza will be here anytime. Did you have a specific movie you wanted to watch? I have Netflix.” Clarke was still staring at her eyes, not really hearing her. When she didn’t get an answer, Lexa was confused. “Clarke?”

“Sorry, I just. Your eyes,” that’s all she said before Lexa reached up and realized she’s not wearing her sunglasses.

Lexa sighed. She’s had this before. It’s why she decided that she would always wear her sunglasses unless she was only with Anya. Everyone always asked about why one pupil was weirdly shaped. She hated explaining the story behind it. “Yeah, it’s fucked up,” she said bluntly. “I’ve heard it before. I’ll be right back.”

Lexa turned to leave the room but Clarke stopped her with a hand on her wrist. “No! Wait, Lexa. They’re beautiful.”

Lexa stopped in her tracks. No one ever told her that after the accident. They just told her that her eye looked really weird.

Clarke continued when she got nothing out of Lexa. “I didn’t mean to offend you, really. It’s just, they’re so green. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that shade of green in my entire life.”

Lexa blushes lightly again. “Thank you.”

The doorbell rang out through the air and interrupted their moment. They move away from each other. Lexa moved past Clarke and answered the door, bringing back pizza. She led Clarke into the living room. It’s the same light blue that is almost white that the entrance is painted. The entire space is very minimal, not a lot of personal stuff lying around. Clarke supposed that having things all over would make it difficult for Lexa to find things.  

Lexa placed the pizza box on the coffee table in front of the couch which already has a few unopen bottles of water sitting on it. She drew out her iPhone from her pocket and used it to pull Netflix up on the television. Her phone talks out loud to her as she touches the screen and Clarke understands how she can text other than using Siri. Technology is so cool.

Lexa grabbed a slice of the pizza, double cheese, pepperoni, and green olives, “What would you like to watch, Clarke?”

Clarke grabbed her own slice and relaxed into the back of the couch. “Show me something you really like.”

“Something that I really like is boring,” Lexa mumbled.

“I don’t think you’re boring.”

Lexa’s small smile made a reappearance. “Okay, fine. Don’t complain when we’re half an hour in and you’re ready to fall asleep.” She turned on _The Blue Planet: A Natural History of the Oceans_. “It’s not a movie, it’s a television show but I like this episode.” She puts on the second episode, about the deep parts of the ocean.

Clarke is happy to sit and watch it. Except Clarke is more paying attention to a smiling Lexa in the corner of her eye as she listens to the show. Lexa’s eyes are on the screen, like she can actually see it, which surprised Clarke a little. She mentally yells at herself for making assumptions about Lexa and blindness in general. She really should educate herself. Clarke’s eyes began to roam Lexa again like in the coffee shop and earlier that evening except this time she stops and chastises herself for it. She doesn’t need to be perving on her like this. Anya’s threats ring in the back of her head too. She isn’t taking advantage of Lexa. But Anya did mention sex twice so...

Lexa speaks about three minutes into the show. She’s curious as to why Clarke is so quiet. “Have you fallen asleep yet?”

“Of course not, this is really cool.” She tried to pull her eyes away from Lexa to actually look at the screen. She didn’t want to be a liar.

As soon as the transparent squid is mentioned, along with its cousins, Lexa smiled that signature smile again, “Squids are my favourite.” Clarke wondered what it would be like to get Lexa to really smile. One that made the skin around her eyes crinkle up. One that was combined with a hearty laugh. Clarke wanted to make her smile like that.

The documentary starts talking about a fish-Clarke missed the name, too busy looking at Lexa. When she turned back to looking at the screen, she sees giant eyes and a silver body. It’s so hideous.

“Aren’t they? Hatchet fish look awful.”

Clarke wasn’t aware that she voiced that thought aloud. She also got curious about how Lexa knew how ugly they were. She glanced back to the screen. Not expecting a new fish to have large yellow eyes and a gaping mouth, she jumped. Lexa laughs lightly at the noise she makes. Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach.  

The next fish introduced has teeth so big it can’t close its mouth completely. Clarke shuddered at the thought of getting anywhere near these terrifying creatures deep in the ocean. But as a colourful jelly fish comes up, Clarke is back to smiling. It was really pretty. That lasted all of thirty seconds though, when a burgundy creature appears. It has white eyes, sharp teeth in a wide mouth and what looks like long spikes coming out of its body all over the place. These are actually antennae used to detect motion, but Clarke is having a hard time thinking of them as anything other than razor sharp points that will stab her the next time she sets foot in an ocean.

“ _This monster, half a metre across, is a hairy angler. This is the first time it’s been seen._ ”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t count on anyone wanting to see it again,” Clarke muttered around a bite of pizza.

Lexa lets out a snort to that. She’s enjoying having Clarke’s commentary on the documentary.

When an angler fish eats a squid whole, Clarke lets out a horrified gasp. “That poor squid.”

Lexa took a sip of the water bottle she grabbed from the table before replying, “The dead are gone, Clarke. The living are hungry.”

The rest of the episode goes by with Clarke’s sarcastic comments about the horrifying creatures and Lexa thoroughly enjoying herself for once in a long time. Anya got sick of re-watching things that Lexa had already seen, and although Lexa did enjoy watching new things, the descriptive narrating got a little annoying after a while. It was nice to be able to picture the screen sometimes.

After a quick bathroom break for Clarke, another episode is started. By the middle of the second episode, Clarke is beginning to feel tired. The twelve hour shift she worked was catching up to her. The third one commenced and Lexa was starting to fall asleep. Soon enough, Clarke was asleep, her head leaning on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa started to drift off as well, her chin hitting her chest and she shook her head a bit in an attempt to wake up. Lexa clued into the sleeping woman on her shoulder when Clarke started to snore quietly. She chuckled to herself and reaches over for Clarke’s hand, but it ends up high on her thigh, very close to slipping into dangerous territory. Lexa pulled her hand away like she touched a hot element. Instead of trying to wake her like that, she called her name quietly. “Clarke.” It took a couple tries, but Clarke wakes up with a slight jolt.

“I didn’t fall asleep, nope. I did not do that.”

Her voice is even huskier after just waking up. Lexa swallowed but her throat is dry and it caught in the back of her throat. After clearing her throat, she trusted her voice not to break, “I’ll show you to my room. You can sleep in there and I’ll take the couch.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your own bedroom, Lexa. We can share.” Clarke stretched out her neck and groaned when she feels the pop.

Lexa’s eyes fluttered at the noise. Can she handle being in a bed with Clarke? She takes too long to answer, because Clarke began to ramble.

“Or I can take the couch. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume anything. I don’t want to invade your space but I don’t mind sharing either. Anya mentioned no sex on the couch or other surfaces and I just kind of thought that you were into women and I probably shouldn’t have but I just kind of assume a default of bisexual. Since I am. Into women. But also men. Which is not actually relevant at all to this situation so why am I bringing it up? Beds don’t have anything to do with sexual orientation. I’m going to be stop now. The couch is fine, though. Thank you for offering to let me stay.”

Lexa thinks that Clarke’s rambling is endearing. “No, no. We can share. That would be fine. And I am. Gay, that is.”

Clarke smiled a bit at this, another mental fist pump. Confirmation. Lexa stood and motioned for Clarke to follow, leaving the pizza box closed on the table. Lexa found Clarke something to change into from her dresser drawers, just a simple tshirt and pair of shorts (for which she curses at herself. Why on earth was she torturing herself with imagining Clarke in shorts?) as well as a pair of shorts for herself. She figured the tank top she was already wearing would be fine. Clarke thanked Lexa quietly for the change of clothes and left the room to change. Clarke came back in to the bedroom to find Lexa situated in the bed already. She got under the blankets and turned away from Lexa, hoping that tonight would not be a night where she cuddled up beside her bedmate, which happened often when she shared a bed with Raven and Octavia.

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

“Goodnight, Clarke. Sleep well.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this wasn't quite the monster I thought it would be, but the next few chapters are planned out to be about this length or longer. The next will be out soon too, it's already partially written.   
> Once again, I want to thank everyone for commenting and leaving kudos, it really makes my day when I read them all.


	5. Butt Wiggles and Low-Key Panic Attacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke was sure that Lexa is awake after the butt wiggle (which she tried not to feel between her legs, but really, she’s only human), so she decides to rip the band aid off. “Good morning,” Clarke said. 
> 
> Lexa just about moaned. The huskiness of Clarke’s voice was about one hundred times more intense when she was just waking up. “Morning.”
> 
> or;  
> Clarke is horny then confused, Lexa is horny then scared, and Anya, Raven, and Octavia are all concerned.

The two women woke up as the sun poured in through the window across from Lexa’s bed. Clarke was the first to actually wake, the sunlight shining right into her eyes. She wrapped her arms tighter around the body within them. Wait, body? Who was she- oh. Lexa. A little spoon to Clarke’s big spoon. Clarke released her grip slightly but didn’t move to completely detach herself from Lexa.

Lexa woke from the movements behind her. She wiggled her butt into the hips behind her, enjoying the feeling of being held. Costia was always so warm, it made Lexa feel safe. Lexa opened her eyes to find- darkness. This wasn’t Costia holding her. So who was? Her heart started to pound as she came to enough to realize. Clarke.

 

Clarke was sure that Lexa is awake after the butt wiggle (which she tried not to feel between her legs, but really, she’s only human), so she decides to rip the band aid off. “Good morning,” Clarke said.  

 

Lexa just about moaned. The huskiness of Clarke’s voice was about one hundred times more intense when she was just waking up. “Morning.”

 

“Sorry for invading your space. Raven and Octavia like to cuddle a lot so we gravitate towards each other when we’re asleep.” Lexa felt a pang of jealousy. The annoying roommates get to cuddle with Clarke? “It’s all a very weird, platonic, threesome kind of thing we have. It’s been like that since we were kids though.”

 

Lexa let the jealousy go a little, childhood stuff sticks, she knew how that was, and started relaxing into Clarke’s arms. They lay there for a few minutes, content with their situation. Lexa’s bladder has other plans for the early morning cuddle session, as it decided that it needed to be emptied. Now. She wiggled a bit in Clarke’s arms and Clarke had to resist the urge to pull her in closer. But nature was not interested in letting Lexa be comfy. “Bathroom, be right back.” She said as she maneuvered out of Clarke’s arms.

As Lexa made her way to the bathroom, running her hand along the walls until she hit the trim of the bathroom doorway, she heard sirens outside of her apartment. Sounds of metal on metal flashed in her head. The smell of a gas fire, the sounds of agonized screaming coming from her right side. Costia’s screams of agony. Lexa moved quickly into the bathroom and slid against the door, sitting on the ground to collect herself. It was not happening, she was safe.

Her heart raced and she instantly felt like she was going to be sick. Lexa opened and closed her hands slowly, curling her fingers tight into her palms and feeling her short nails indent the skin, trying to stop the trembling in her hands. She took deep breaths, attempting to calm her nerves and prevent hyperventilating. Panic attacks weren’t something new for Lexa but usually she wasn’t alone to handle them. Anya was generally able to calm her before she got to that point. She took a few more deep breaths through her nose, blowing the air hard out of her mouth. “It’s not happening. I am safe.” Lexa repeated those words over and over out loud until the sirens had moved on. When she could think again, she moved sit on the toilet.

All good things come to an end. Costia was proof of that.

This would only hurt if she let Clarke into her life. Maybe being lonely would be better despite her previous fantasizing about someone special in her life. Someone who could have been Clarke. Lexa couldn’t let it be Clarke. Lexa couldn’t let it be anyone.

 

Anya walked in the front door, making her presence known by yelling out to Lexa, “Hey, kiddo,” before barging into her room where Lexa would usually be, either working on writing or just getting ready for their daily workouts.

Instead, Anya found Clarke, who had sat up in bed, the sheets pooled around her waist, showing off Lexa’s t-shirt. Clarke looked towards the doorway to Anya smirking. Anya noticed Clarke’s bedhead paired with the t-shirt and wolf whistled loudly. Loud enough that Lexa perked up from washing her hands. This ended now, before it could really start.   

“Finally, Lex! Got a girl in your bed again. Good job!”

Anya walked out of the room, leaving before Clarke can properly explain the situation.

 

Lexa waited for Anya’s bedroom door close before she exited the bathroom. She couldn’t let herself be weak. She needed to be strong and get this done. Clarke couldn’t be in her life. She was too tempting.

 

When Lexa entered her bedroom, that same cold, stoic look on her face from the hospital and the beginning of the coffee date is on it, Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. What happened? She said she was coming back, and Clarke assumed that meant to continue cuddling.

Lexa’s voice was emotionless. “Anya and I have to get started on kickboxing.”

She was kicking her out? What just happened? Clarke’s heart dropped. “Oh. Right, I’ll get out of your hair.” All Clarke got was a single nod from Lexa. She gathered her things up quickly, not wanting to irritate Lexa more than she already did. But what did she even do? Clarke sighed, pulling her leggings up over the shorts, her cardigan over the t-shirt. Lexa probably didn’t want her wasting her time leaving the apartment. After situating herself, “Text me?” she asked.

No response from Lexa this time. She was just standing, back straight, chin up high, blank look on her face. Clarke sighed a second time, knowing she heard her but chose to ignore Clarke’s request. She walked herself out of the apartment, defeated.

 

Lexa heard the door close and she sat down on her bed, slumped over. Anya came back into Lexa’s bedroom soon after. “Did you just kick Clarke out?” Anya questioned.

“Yes.”

“Why would you do that? She literally just slept with you.”

Lexa got irritated. “We didn’t do anything other than sleep, Anya.”

“Then what the hell is this?” Anya waved her hand around despite the fact that Lexa won’t see it.

Lexa stood from the bed up and left the room. She didn’t want to discuss her choices. Anya, not impressed, followed her into the kitchen as Lexa moved around the kitchen, running her fingers along labels to open the correct cupboards. She pulled the coffee and disposable filters out and started a small pot of coffee.

“Seriously, Lexa. What is the problem? You shared your bed with a pretty girl. How is that ever a bad thing?”

“It’s weakness.” Lexa snapped.

Anya sighed. This again. “Lexa. Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not talking about this, Anya. You know why.” Lexa let the hurt seep into her last words. She didn’t mean to. She needed to be strong.

Anya moved closer to Lexa and waited for her to pour the coffee into her favourite mug. “Not everyone around you is going to die like she did.”

Lexa hid behind her coffee cup, pretending like she didn’t hear Anya.

Anya rolled her eyes. She knew when there was no reaction, the silent treatment would only persist. It would be easier to get Lexa to talk about it later. “Whatever. So are we boxing or not?”

 

* * *

 

Clarke arrived back at her apartment. Octavia and Raven were sitting in the kitchen waiting for her to come home when she opened the door. She closed it and slid the deadbolt back into place.

“Yep, told you so. Ten bucks, Raven, hand it over. I knew she was getting laid.”

“Bed head doesn’t mean she got laid. It’s the post-sex smell that really seals it.”

Clarke walked past her roommates, frown solidly in place. “I wasn’t getting laid.”

Raven cackled, “Ha! Sucks for you, Blake.” She held out her hand, “Ten dollars please.”

Octavia grumbled and handed over the bill. Clarke’s bedroom door slammed and they both looked at each other. Raven stood and motioned with her head for Octavia to follow. There is no answer from Clarke when Octavia knocked on the door. She tried again but still, nothing from Clarke.

Octavia spoke first, “Clarke, let us in. You know isolating yourself isn’t going to fix anything.” Clarke rolled off her bed to open the door for her roommates. Octavia and Raven carefully moved into the room, not wanting to scare Clarke into talking. They both knew that she would open up eventually.

Five minutes pass, then ten, and Raven is getting slightly impatient. “Okay, so no sex. You did stay the night, though. So what happened, Clarke?”

Clarke sat up on her bed and slid back to lean against the headboard on her bed. She rubbed a hand over her face and then pulled it away. She grimaced when she realized that she hadn’t taken off her makeup last night and it was now smeared all over her face. “She kicked me out.”

“What did you do to prompt that?” Octavia asked.

“I don’t know! Apparently I did something wrong though!” Clarke snapped.

Octavia and Raven shared a look. Angry Clarke was not the Clarke that needed to be here right now.

“Tell us what happened, Clarke. Right before she kicked you out.” Raven prodded.

“We were in bed, cuddling, and she got up to use the bathroom. She said she would be right back but then when she came back she was all Elsa two-point-oh. Cold stare, no emotions. She told me that she had to work out with Anya, her roommate, and that was it. I showed myself out and here we fucking are, sitting here, and she’s probably laughing with Anya about how fucking dumb I am.”

Raven sat beside Clarke on the bed, taking her hand in hers. “Clarke, you know that isn’t true. This isn’t Finn. She’s not cheating on you and laughing behind your back.”

“You’re not even dating, so that’s definitely not possible,” Octavia piped up. Raven shot her a look that said shut up, I’m handling this. Octavia lifted her hands in surrender and pressed her lips in a fine line, miming zipping her lips closed.

Raven turned back to Clarke. “You have no logical reason as to why she would have kicked you out?” Clarke shook her head. “Nothing you said?”

“All I said was ‘good morning.’ And then apologized for getting into her space overnight, explaining that the three of us cuddle a lot.”

Raven doesn’t think it’s the entire reason, but she ran with it. “She might have been jealous of our cuddling sessions! So go back over tomorrow and talk it out with her. It’s not going to fix itself and explaining shit over text is probably going to fuck things up further.”

Octavia spoke up again, this time with a much better comment. “Shower and think about what you want to say. Being clean will clear your mind and I’m sure giving her time to chill out will be enough.”

Clarke looked at the smiling faces of her roommates and nodded. She would fix this. Whatever this happened to be. Despite having Lexa in her life for only about three weeks (and having real conversations with her in the last week), she wasn’t going to lose her. This was the one she wouldn’t let get away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick shout out to Hundred: that kick in the face you were expecting is coming, promise!  
> Also, apologies for this taking a few days. I was expecting to have it out the day after I published the last but I got caught up with work and headaches.   
> As always, let me know in the comments what you think! Every comment makes my day 100 times better


	6. Nightmares and Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia slapped her arm and Lexa laughed. “I didn’t get drunk!”  
> “I had to carry you into the apartment, Cos. I don’t think I have ever seen you that drunk before.”  
> Costia rolled her eyes. “I could have walked on my own.”  
> “You told me that if I didn’t carry you, you would eat shit.”
> 
> or;  
> Lexa has a nightmare, Anya comforts her, and Clarke talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?? Yep! I just wrote this all out and its the longest chapter yet. I'm pretty happy with it so here you go. Enjoy!  
> Also, small trigger warning for some low-key gore (it's not that bad but still), and implied suicidal thoughts. Mostly in the italics (which are a dream) and a little after that.

“Seriously, Lexa? Did you seriously just try and kick me in the face? I thought you were joking.” Anya grabbed Lexa’s foot and kicked her other foot out from under her, knocking her onto her back on the mat.

Lexa grunted, “I told you not to call me kiddo.”

Anya rolled her eyes and pinned Lexa. “So are you going to talk about this with me or not?”

“Nothing to talk about.”

Anya let go of Lexa. She sat down on the mat next to her sparring partner. “There is. You kicked Clarke out three hours ago because you freaked out. And I get it, I do. You’re scared that she will end up like Costia. But she isn’t her, Lex. I know you miss Costia but that doesn’t mean that Clarke will end up like her.”

“I can’t guarantee that she won’t!” Lexa snapped.

“Who’s to say I won’t end up like Costia? Or Lincoln? We could both die tomorrow and you will have to bury us in the ground in some shitty coffin like you did her.”

Lexa stood up, “That’s really comforting, Anya. Thanks.” She didn’t need to be even more stressed out thinking about the only two people in her life she really cared about dying. Dying and leaving her by herself in this shitty life.

Anya groaned, “You know what I mean! There’s no guarantee that any of us will see tomorrow, so why are you doing this? Why are you making it so that you are destined to be lonely for the rest of your life?”

Lexa walked away from the mat in the living room. She heard Anya call out to her as she slammed the bathroom door closed. She didn’t need this.

Lexa stripped out of her black sports bra and spandex shorts, turning the water in the shower on. She turned it on hot, wanting to feel it pound against her skin, burning and stinging. Anything to feel something other than the pain in her heart.

_Not everyone around you is going to die like she did. Who’s to say I won’t end up like Costia? Or Lincoln? We could both die tomorrow and you will have to bury us in the ground in some shitty coffin like you did her_. Anya was right about that. Everyone dies. Everything in the world dies sooner or later. While it was the sooner ones that hurt the most, Lexa didn’t want to experience that kind of pain ever again. It was inevitable unless she died first.

She put her face under the steaming spray of water. It was easier for her to ignore the tears stinging behind her eyelids this way. Lexa pulled away to breathe but it came out in a rattled sigh. She swallowed hard and tilted her head up to the ceiling. Why does life have to be so hard? Why does life have to hurt this much?

 

 

* * *

 

It took Lexa a while to fall asleep that night. The stress of Clarke and Anya’s words had yet to leave her mind. When she finally did get her mind to shut down and get to sleep, it was restless. She tossed and turned for a few hours before her brain turned on her.

It was the same recurring nightmare that she’s had since the accident. In the last few months it only happened when Lexa was very stressed out, upset, or ill. Tonight was prime time for it.

* * *

 

_The streets were quiet as Lexa pulled out of her parent’s driveway. The suburbs were always quiet at night. All the parents dragged their kids in after dark to keep them out of trouble, and without any businesses in the neighbourhood, there were no pedestrians. Lexa liked the quiet._

_“So tomorrow we have that little party for work, remember, Lex?” Costia glanced over to her girlfriend._

_Lexa nodded. “Yes, I remember. Let’s hope this time you don’t get so drunk,” she teased._

_Costia slapped her arm and Lexa laughed. “I didn’t get drunk!”_

_“I had to carry you into the apartment, Cos. I don’t think I have ever seen you that drunk before.”_

_Costia rolled her eyes. “I could have walked on my own.”_

_“You told me that if I didn’t carry you, you would eat shit.”_

_“I did not!”_

_“Did so! Anya even heard it. She was laughing just about as hard as I was.”_

_Costia sighed, knowing it was true. “Okay, fine. I was really drunk.”_

_“I was worried I might need to take you to a hospital to get your stomach pumped.”_

_“You were not.”_

_“Maybe not. But I would have been if you kept going shot for shot with your brother. I still don’t understand how you managed to talk him into that one.”_

_“Lincoln hates losing bets. He hates getting drunk but apparently it was worth my money.”_

_“He knew he would win. You knew he would win, he’s three times your size.”_

_Costia grinned at Lexa, “I know. I just wanted to get him shitfaced so he would talk to that girl.”_

_Lexa shook her head, a small smile on her face, turning onto the highway. She brought the car up to speed and rested her right hand on the gear shift. Costia picked it up and turned it palm up, drawing on it softly with her fingers. She looked at Lexa with soft eyes, sighing quietly._

_Lexa turned her head to look at Costia. “What?”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you more.”_

_“That’s a lie. We both know I love you more.”_

_“Impossible,” Lexa said, shaking her head. Her eyes were back to being focused on the road but she could feel Costia’s eyes on her profile._

_“Maybe. Maybe not.”_

_They was an intersection ahead of them. The yellow caution light blinked over the centre of the road, warning the drivers to watch for other cars. The only one Lexa could see was a large truck in the oncoming lane._

_The other she didn’t see was the black truck with its headlights off, speeding down the side street, coming towards Lexa’s car. It didn’t stop for the stop sign. As Lexa came up to the intersection, the truck blasted on its horn. Costia turned her head enough to see the truck before it hit. “Lexa!”_

_Lexa felt her head smash against the side of the car. Her hands left the wheel, car rolling over twice until it stopped in the oncoming lane. Another horn blared, much deeper than the last one. Lexa opened her eyes to see the headlights. The glass of the windshield broke in, sending a piece straight into her eye. She yelled out in pain and promptly passed out from the shock._

_She woke quickly to Costia’s screams._

_Costia howled in pain. Lexa was pinned in her seat, unable to move her arms. Something was stuck between her shins, keeping her legs from moving more than an inch. She turned her head towards Costia. With one eye, she watched as Costia struggled to move as well. “Cos,” Lexa got out in a strangled whisper._

_Costia kept screaming in agony. When she turned her head towards Lexa, half of her face was gone. It looked like it had been scraped off. There was a large cut in her throat, blood pouring from it. Costia thrashed against the seat belt cutting into her shoulder but it was no use. She was stuck. “Lexa!” she called out, her voice was cut off by a gurgling sound in her throat. Lexa looked down to her chest._

_There was a piece of shrapnel stuck in the centre of her torso. Blood ran down the middle of her body, pooling onto the seat. Sirens wailed in the distance, Costia was still screaming, Lexa was still pinned. “Costia. Don’t move,” Lexa yelled as loud as she could. It didn’t stop her from screaming. “Cos! Costia!” Nothing would stop her screaming. Lexa didn’t stop yelling her name. Her throat felt like it was bleeding. Sirens got closer and-_

 

* * *

 

“Costia!” Lexa called out in her sleep. The sheets were soaked with a mixture of tears and sweat.

Anya stood over her sweaty, thrashing body. “Lexa! Wake up! Come on, wake up!”

She sat straight up in the bed. “Cos,” she breathed out raggedly.

“It’s okay, Lex. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Anya pressed Lexa’s head into her chest.

Lexa let out a harsh sob. She hugged Anya to her and let the tears flow freely. “Costia, oh god, Cos, why?”

Anya rocked her back and forth until the loud sobbing turned to quiet sniffling. “You’re okay Lexa, it’s okay.” This wasn’t the first night Anya had woken up to Lexa screaming out Costia’s name, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Lexa said in a broken whisper.

This wasn’t a first either. “You can, Lexa, and you will. We will get through this.” Anya wouldn’t let her do anything so stupid. “Get smacked down, get back up. That was Costia’s motto, remember?”

Lexa nodded against her chest. “Yeah,” she sniffled a bit more and pulled back from Anya. “Thanks, Anya.”

“Always, Lex, you know that.”

“I do.”

“Our conversation after sparring caused this, didn’t it?”

“I think so.”

Anya sat down on the bed next to Lexa’s outstretched legs. “You know she’s good for you, right?”

Lexa sighed, “Anya, please.”

“She likes you, Lexa. It’s obvious just from how she looks at you that she likes you. Why won’t you let her do that? You deserve love.”

Lexa knew she wasn’t going to get out of this so easy. “She can love me as a friend then. That’s as close as I can let her get.” She paused, waiting for Anya to start yelling at it for her decision. It never came.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“It’s your life, I can’t control you.” Anya glanced over at the clock on the nightstand just as the alarm went off. 8 am. “So much for going back to bed.”

Lexa shrugged, rubbing at her eyes. She wouldn’t have been going back to sleep anyway. She pushed the covers off of her and stood from the bed, ready to start her day. A cold shower after a quick cup of coffee to rinse off the sweat would be a decent start.

 

* * *

 

Clarke paused outside of the apartment, looking down at her watch. It was only 9 am, she hoped it wasn’t too early. It was in her books, but having a shift starting in an hour didn’t give her too much of a choice. She had to talk to Lexa or else she would go nuts the entire day.

She knocked on the door softly. It took a moment, but the door swung open. Anya again. She smirked at Clarke, “Back so soon?”

Clarke rubbed her hands together, fiddling with her uniform. “Is Lexa here? I want to talk to her.”

Anya let Clarke into the apartment once again. “She’s in the shower, shouldn’t be too long before she’s out.”

Clarke nodded. They sit in the living room in silence for a minute before Clarke speaks again. “Can I ask you something?” Anya quirked an eyebrow. “So, is Lexa actually gay? I mean, she said she was yesterday but after we woke up cuddling she closed off completely.”

Anya grinned. “Definitely gay. Lexa just has a few-,” she paused and her smile dropped, “-issues when it comes to women. Well, all people in general actually. She’s going to have to explain that to you if she is still interested in your company.”

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed and a frown found its way onto her face. “Should I just go then? Not try and instigate a conversation right now?”

Anya shook her head, not wanting to scare Clarke off with telling her about Lexa’s personal problems. “Nah, just sit here and wait for her. If you don’t try and talk to her, chance are Lexa won’t either. She will be out shortly. I have to go run an errand, but I’ll be back. Can I trust you to stay here alone?”

Clarke nodded quickly, “Of course.”

Anya stood and grabbed her keys and wallet from the table. Clarke watched her leave the apartment, the door closing softly behind her. She stood from the couch soon after, examining the pictures and personal effects she hadn’t noticed the other night. There had been less light then so the frames on the walls were hidden.

Clarke looked at some old photos on the walls of Lexa, Anya, and two other people she hadn’t seen before on the beach. One was a very large, muscular black man, and the other was a taller black woman with beautiful dark curls. Lexa had her arm around the waist of Anya and the other woman, and the man was towering over the three, being almost a foot taller than all of them. Clarke knew it was old because Lexa’s eye was identical to the other. This was before whatever happened. She looked so happy in the picture. Clarke moved to the one next to it, it was the same beach, but this picture was just of Lexa and the woman. The woman was kissing Lexa’s cheek and Lexa had that small smile she had seen her give herself.

 

Lexa came out of the bathroom. Not expecting anyone other than Anya to be in her apartment, she was clad in a robe and a towel around her head. Clarke smiled at the sight. Lexa ran her hand over her face with a sigh. Clarke began taking in the long bare legs and the smile falls away a bit, exchanged for biting at her bottom lip. Lexa was beautiful.

“Hi,” Clarke said softly, not wanting to startle Lexa.

Lexa jumped and clutches at her chest. She knew the husky voice easily, but she still wasn’t expecting Clarke to be standing there. The stoic mask slips back onto her face, replacing the relaxed and content look Clarke had just seen.

“Clarke? How did you get in here?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Anya let me in. I wanted to talk to you about this yesterday and explain.”

Lexa nodded once, “I’ll get dressed. Give me a few minutes.”

Clarke sat back down onto the couch. Lexa came out five minutes later in a dark blue zippered sweatshirt and a pair of light blue jeans, her hair out of the towel but still in a slightly tangled mess. She sat in the chair on the opposite side of the room from Clarke.

Clarke cleared her throat, “I just wanted to apologize for making you uncomfortable yesterday. When I woke up I should have given you space instead of cuddling up to you more. We hardly know each other and the last thing I want is to be pushing you into something you don’t want.”

Lexa was silent.

Clarke continued, “I would like to get to know you better though. You have good taste in deep sea creatures, so obviously there’s plenty of great things about you.” Lexa smiles in Clarke’s direction at that comment. “And maybe there could be something more for us, which would be cool, too.”

Lexa’s smile dropped and she turned her head away from Clarke.

Clarke sighed. She must have said something wrong again. “Okay so, I know you’re gay, so what is it then?”

Lexa rubbed her hands together. “I am not much of a people person.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, a bit of bite in her tone, “So you just hate everyone then?”

Lexa looked in her direction. “Not everyone. Not you.”

Clarke softened, “Then trust me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Probably not intentionally, but you will.”

Clarke looked at Lexa, confused. The front door of the apartment opened and Anya walked into the living room. “Hey kiddo, got everything fixed now?” she asked.

Lexa shook her head with a sigh, “Stop calling me that, Anya. Twenty-six is hardly a child.”

Clarke piped up, knowing her chance of continuing their conversation was gone. “If anything, I should be the kid. I’m only twenty-five.”

Lexa sent Clarke that same, small smile to her again. Anya didn’t miss this development. So things had been fixed, at least somewhat.

“Well, Clarke, you’re going to be kiddle then. Little Lex over here will always be kiddo to me.”

Lexa turned her head and glared at Anya, “You realize how lucky you are that I can’t see right? I would kick your ass in a heartbeat.”

Anya scoffed, “I’d like to see you try. I pinned you yesterday four times. You’re way too predictable.” She turned to face Clarke. “So, we’re making dinner tomorrow night for a friend and you’re coming. If you want to bring over anyone else that’s fine.”

“Okay. As long as that’s okay with you, Lexa?” Clarke turned to Lexa to see her reaction to Anya’s random invitation.

Lexa looked happy about this though, “Come at five?”

Clarke smiled and nodded appreciatively. She continued looking at Lexa with what Anya could only describe as heart eyes before she realizes that she didn’t speak and Lexa is still waiting for a response. “I’ll be here. I’ll bring my two roommates. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have free food.” She glanced down to the watch on her wrist, “Shit, I’ve got to get going for my shift. Octavia will kill me if I make her late again.” Clarke said her goodbyes and made her way out of the apartment beaming.

She pulled out her phone as she got into her car. Pressing in her passcode and pulling up her contacts, she pressed on Octavia’s face. “Hey, O. Yeah, everything is okay. I’ll be there in five minutes to get you. Is Raven still there? We’re going out for dinner tomorrow night.”

 

* * *

 

“So are you going to ask her out properly or not?” Anya asked after Clarke had gone.

Lexa shook her head. “No. Not interested in a relationship. Friends is enough”

Anya sighed, “Lexa, you smile at her like you used to smile at Costia. And you’ve known her for what? A few weeks? She’s way more than just a friend to you already. She’s under your skin.” Lexa shrugged, so Anya tried a different tactic. “Clarke was asking me for advice with your cold shoulder act. If you could see the way she looks at you, Lex, you would know that you are way more than just a friend to her.”

Anya left Lexa sitting in the living room to think. Lexa really had a lot to think about.

 


	7. The Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From where she was peeling potatoes into the sink, Anya looked over to Lexa. “The onions are already peeled and on the cutting board. Three inches to your left. The knife is resting on the counter above the board. Even slices, please.”  
> Lexa sighed, “You literally always make me chop the onions.”  
> “Yeah, because it doesn’t matter if they make you cry.” 
> 
> or;  
> The six of them have a dinner party and Clarke and Lexa are lowkey picked on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long on this one! I was away for a weekend and I've had just a busy two weeks in general. The next one will be out much faster though, promise.

Octavia had her closet emptied out all over her bedroom. She and Raven were already dressed in casual but dressy clothes. Octavia was in a simple black skirt that hung just above her knees paired with a flowy top. Raven was in leather pants and a dark tank top with a low cut, showing just enough cleavage. Clarke nodded her approval and then took the clothes that Octavia has already picked out for her. It was rather simple, just a pair of tight, black jeans and a grey, long sleeve shirt with a dipping neckline and a few buttons that can be undone. Clarke left the top few open, revealing a substantial amount of cleavage.

Raven took in her outfit. “You look good, Griffin. Really is too bad she won’t be able to see those tits.” Clarke hit her arm. “You know they look good in that top, so don’t even.”

After some light bickering about who would be riding shotgun, the three roommates left the apartment and got into Clarke’s car.

“We should stop at a liquor store to pick up some beer and wine before heading over,” Octavia piped up from the back seat.

“You’re running in then, because I’m sure as hell not losing my seat,” Raven squinted at Octavia through the mirror. Octavia rolled her eyes.

Clarke laughed quietly at their antics. They constantly fought over the front seat when they were in the car with Clarke because of her music rules. Whoever rode shotgun got to pick what played, and she could veto any choice. “I’ll go in. At least that way you two can learn to act like adults before we get there.”

Clarke turned the car into the parking lot of the liquor store and parked close to the door. Pointing her finger at her friends, “Behave, children.” She rolled down the window in the backseat an inch with a cheeky grin before closing the door.

“You’re younger than both of us Clarke!” Octavia yelled through the small crack, her face pressed against the glass.

Clarke walked into the store and went over to the beer section, picking out Raven and Octavia’s favourite brands. She then moved to the stacks of wine bottles. She wondered if Lexa was a wine drinker. Or maybe she was into beer like her roommates. Clarke would drink either. Party Animal Clarke Griffin drank literally anything in college, including the homemade moonshine Bellamy’s friends constantly dropped off for her at half price.

She picked up a dry red and a sweeter white wine. Carrying the bottles and cases of beer to the cash, Clarke hoped that the night would go well.

 

* * *

 

Lexa answered the door promptly at 5pm, wearing light jeans with a black, button down shirt with lace along the shoulders, and her large sunglasses back in place atop her nose. Clarke was a little disappointed that she wouldn’t get to look into her green eyes tonight but she understood. “Hey, Lexa!” Clarke said cheerily. Raven and Octavia shared a look. Clarke was so smitten already. Just from the familiar smile on her face and the fondness in her eyes, they both knew she was a goner.

“Hello, Clarke.”

Anya and the large, muscular man Clarke recognized from the pictures on the wall come in behind Lexa. “Clarke, and the annoying roommates.” Raven smacked Clarke’s arm and Clarke looked innocently at her friends. “I’m Anya,” she pointed to the man behind her, “This is Lincoln. And you have already met Lexa.”

“Octavia and Raven,” Clarke pointed to the two women as she said their names after setting the alcohol on the counter. Raven held out a hand to Anya, while Octavia was doing the same for Lincoln. Lexa was still standing by the door, listening to the introductions. Clarke noticed Octavia checking out Lincoln’s muscles and let out a quiet chuckle. She was quickly enamoured with Lincoln.

Raven was shaking Anya’s hand and smirking at her. Anya was smirking right back. It seemed like the two would get on quite well too.

Lexa was totally oblivious to all of the body language she couldn’t see, and decided to speak up. “Okay, so can Raven and Octavia make their voices known for me?”

Octavia pulled her eyes away from Lincoln (regretfully) and took a step closer to Lexa. “I’m Octavia. I work with Clarke and have many, many embarrassing stories that I can tell you about her.”

Clarke groaned, “Please behave, Octavia.” Lexa quirked an eyebrow in Octavia’s direction, definitely interested in these stories.

Raven grinned mischievously, “I’m Raven and I also have many embarrassing stories about Clarke, mostly from high school.”

“We’ve got embarrassing things about Little Lex here too,” Lincoln said with a wide grin on his face. He ruffled Lexa’s hair and she shoved him away with a grimace, making him laugh softly. That intrigue of Clarke’s embarrassing moments faded away when she remembered a few of her own horrific moments in high school.

“Alright, children. No need to embarrass them right now,” Anya spoke up. She smirked at Raven again, “That can wait until dinner.”

“Could we go one night without bringing up my embarrassing past, Anya? Just one?” Lexa grumbled.

Clarke glared at her roommates, “Yeah, you two can shut up. I have plenty of dirt on the both of you to share.”

Raven shrugged, “But yours are always the worst. The most embarrassing thing Octavia did when we were in high school was walk in on Bellamy and Echo going at it. That was probably more embarrassing to Bell.”

“Raven! I don’t need to be reminded of the most scarring moment of my entire life! I won’t ever get the image of my brother’s orgasm face out of my head and that was something I _never_ wanted to see!” Octavia waved her arms around dramatically.  

Anya moved to grab some of the booze from the counter. “Okay, bickering can continue in the living room. Everyone except Lexa, grab a drink and go sit.”

“Why can’t you come with us?” Clarke asked with a small frown on her face. The rest of the adults in the apartment moved into the other room, leaving the two of them alone.

“I’m helping cook dinner with Anya, that’s all. You can come sit in there too, if you want,” Lexa said.

“Would you like a drink before I go make sure Raven and Octavia are saying nice things about me? I brought over beer and wine.”

Lexa smiled, “Beer is good.” Clarke pulled two bottles from the case Anya left on the counter, twisting the caps off. She moved closer to hand Lexa her drink. Not knowing how to tell her where she was putting it, Clarke picked up Lexa’s hand from her side and placed it into her palm. “Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa mumbled shyly. The skin on the back of her hand tingled from where Clarke touched her.

“I’ll be back.” Clarke walked into the living room, nodding to Anya as she passed her.

Anya got to work pulling out the ingredients for dinner from the fridge and pantry. Grilled steaks with caramelized onions, roasted potatoes, and vegetables. It was a meal that Lexa and Anya had prepared many times before while entertaining and it was always a hit. While everyone was still in the living room, Anya described Octavia and Raven to Lexa, giving her a mental picture. She quickly picked up on the slight frustration on Lexa’s face and Anya realized she never described what Clarke looks like to Lexa. Not even after the social media stalking that Anya was put up to after the coffee date.

Anya leaned against the counter, looking at Lexa’s patient but anxious face. “She’s blonde, blue eyes. Got a small beauty mark over the left side of her lip. Round face, very expressive. Her smile is really cute. It lights up the entire room when she smiles, very infectious. It’s not hard to read her thoughts when its combined with the tone she’s using and how her eyebrows are moving. She’s quite curvy, too, although I’m sure you know that from sleeping with her. She’s rather beautiful really.” Lexa huffed. “Oh relax, she’s not my type. Raven might be though. She looks like she might have enough wit in her for my taste. Anyway, it’s too bad you can’t see what Clarke is wearing though. A grey long sleeve shirt and tight black jeans. Really reveals her curves. Honestly, it’s possibly the best cleavage and ass combination I’ve ever seen.”

Lexa’s throat felt dry. She looked visibly thirsty to Anya. She picked up her beer and took a large gulp. There was no way that she would make it through this night totally sober. Not with Anya making comments like that. Anya made a mental note to keep it up.

Anya was about to continue describing Clarke when the woman of the hour made her presence in the kitchen known by clearing her throat. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” she asked. Lexa tried to conceal the not-so newfound desire for Clarke, but the sound of her husky voice created butterflies in her stomach.

Clarke could sense that something was making Lexa uncomfortable. Her jaw was clenched and she watched as Lexa swallowed hard. Lexa shrugged, “No, we weren’t talking about anything.”

Anya smirked, “I was just describing Octavia and Raven to her.” Lexa turned her head towards Anya. She couldn’t see the glare that Lexa was sending her way because of the black glasses, but she knew it was there regardless.

Clarke let the tension in the air drop on her part and glanced around the kitchen. She noticed a plate of brownies on the counter in front of one of the bar stools. She pulled out the stool and sat down. “Mind if I have one of these? They look delicious.”

Lexa assumed she meant the brownies that she and Anya had prepared for dessert, and she was happy to have a new topic. “If you would like to, yes. Don’t ruin your dinner though.”

Clarke snorted, “I won’t, mom.” Clarke took a small bite of the brownie and moaned. Lexa let out a quiet, shaky breath before taking another large gulp of her beer. Anya’s smirk never left her face.

Anya spoke up just loud enough that Lexa could hear her, "You're so horny, I can practically smell it."

Lexa blushed, whisper-yelling back at Anya, "Shut up!" She did not need Anya announcing how turned on she was by Clarke’s general presence.

“What was that?” Clarke asked, looking up from her heavenly brownie.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” Lexa swallowed the last of her beer in two large gulps.

 

Clarke settled on the stool and watched as the two women moved around the kitchen in tandem. Clarke thought that they must cook together a lot from the way they handed things to each other with minimal words. Most of their speech was Anya telling Lexa where things were placed on the counter in order to take away the time it took Lexa to remember where things were placed or find them where Anya left them. It was interesting how Anya told Lexa where everything was.

From where she was peeling potatoes into the sink, Anya looked over to Lexa. “The onions are already peeled and on the cutting board. Three inches to your left. The knife is resting on the counter above the board. Even slices, please.”

Lexa sighed, “You literally always make me chop the onions.”

“Yeah, because it doesn’t matter if they make you cry.”

Clarke quirked an eyebrow at Anya’s comment and went back to watching Lexa. Lexa doesn’t look upset by Anya’s comment at all. In fact, she had a small smirk on her face, as if she had been slightly amused by the comment. Clarke watched nervously as Lexa picked up a large, sharp knife to chop the onion up and opened her mouth to say something about how this might not be a very good idea. But before she could voice her concerns, Anya intercepted her, raising a hand to stop her from saying anything. Clarke played anxiously with the label on her beer bottle and watched Lexa feel around the cutting board for the onion. She positioned her fingers so they wouldn’t get hit by the blade, curling the tips of her fingers inward and holding the knife against the first knuckles to chop. Lexa moved the knife at an even pace and Clarke relaxed slightly when she realized that Lexa isn’t going to cut her fingers off. Clarke never really thought about Lexa functioning like anyone else in this kind of way, especially not cutting up onions. The safety issues were in the forefront of her mind but she supposed that the only difference between her chopping onions and Lexa doing it was that Lexa’s technique was much better than her own.

When she finished, Lexa left the knife in the same spot, just above the cutting board, and moved to the fridge to gather the steaks. Lexa felt the braille labels that were on just about everything. She drew the meat out and placed the packages on the counter. Lexa ran her hand along the counter, feeling the tops of the large drawers. After two gaps in wood, she opened the third drawer and hauled out a stack of pans and a large griddle. The griddle was placed on the counter and the largest pan on the stove just to its left. The rest were placed back into the drawer.  

The two women continued to move with ease around the kitchen and Clarke wondered how long they had been living together to be able to create such an easy going vibe between them. She voiced her thoughts, “So, how long have you two known each other?”

Lexa turned toward where Anya was standing. “Fifteen years?”

“Something like that. I taught little pre-pubescent Lexa how to kick ass.”

Lexa faced Clarke at the counter. “I enrolled in a kickboxing class. Anya was a volunteer, and then a teacher. She was sort of my mentor.”

Anya smirked, “And your only friend. Pre-pubescent Lexa was also a loner.”

“I was not! I had-”

 

Costia. Costia was her friend.

 

The two women got quiet. Anya looked a little annoyed at herself for making that comment to spark that reaction. Clarke sensed the tension and quickly moved to change the subject. Now was not the time to be questioning whatever friend they were both thinking of.

“Living together though? How long has that been going on?” Clarke asked.

Anya spoke up eagerly, happy that Clarke didn’t continue on the previous track. “Three years. Once Lexa wasn’t a total kid anymore.”

“Anya, I was twenty-three when we moved in here. Again, hardly a child.”

“Yeah, well you’re still seven years younger than me, so you’re still a young grasshopper to me.”

Lexa sighed and Clarke grinned at Anya. Their banter continued through the sizzles coming from the steaks. Lexa flipped the steaks and Clarke caught a glimpse at the perfect grill marks. Anya moved over to the cutting board of onions and shook her head.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed, “What’s wrong with the onions?”

Lexa perked her head up, “They should be perfect.”

“Not all even. Tsk, tsk, young grasshopper. Still on onion duty, then.”

Lexa let out an exasperated sigh, turning her head toward Clarke. “Do you see what I have had to deal with for fifteen years?”

Clarke giggled at Lexa. Lexa smiled her signature smile at Clarke. Clarke returned the smile and added in heart eyes.

Anya rolled her eyes. Young love, how gross. “Alright, lovebirds. Enough gazing into each other’s eyes. Clarke, you’re banished. Too much of a distraction for Lexa. Go back to the living room.”

 

Lexa blushed but started to protest but she heard Clarke let out a sigh and the barstool against the floor.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop being such a distraction.” Her footsteps mark her exit.

“Anya, was that really necessary?”

“Yes. Get back to the steaks, don’t let them burn.”

They all meet at the table in the dining room a few minutes later. Lincoln and Octavia are chatting excitedly, Clarke and Raven are discussing something related to engineering, but Lexa doesn’t catch exactly what it is. Anya and Lexa brought in platers of food and the six of them all dish out the steaks and sides onto their plates. There is a comfortable silence after the obligatory compliments on the food about how great it looks and how delicious it tastes. Until Raven opens her mouth.

“So Lexa, were you born blind or did you get fucked up?”

Clarke almost choked on a potato, “Raven! You can’t just ask people that!”

“Well I get asked it all the time.”

Lexa’s eyebrows crinkled, “You do?”

Raven nodded and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah.” She then realized that Lexa was still waiting for an explanation. “Oh, right, you can’t exactly see me. I have a brace on my leg. Got shot in the back a few years ago. Wrong place at the wrong time, and now it’s fucked up.”

Lexa nodded once and answered in an emotionless tone. “I was in an accident. Hit my head, had glass go through one eye.”

Clarke thought back to the tear drop shaped pupil Lexa now has, but doesn’t say anything. It’s a comment for a different time considering the dark glasses Lexa had placed upon her face and her reaction to Clarke’s response the first time seeing her eyes.

Octavia spoke up next, “So how do you get around on your own then, being blind and all?”

Clarke groaned, “Guys stop grilling her.”

Octavia raised her hands in defense, “Just curious, sorry”

Lexa placed her fork onto her plate. “It’s alright, Clarke.” She cleared her throat lightly and continued. “I grew up here. I already knew a large part of the city from exploring it when I was young. For example, the subways. A lot of it is memory, the other parts are from learning how to get around without other people. Gustus helps for obstacles and remembers specific routes. I don’t go very far from home alone though, I’ll usually take Anya if I don’t know how to get somewhere by memory.”

“Wait, who is Gustus?” Clarke asked.

“My guide dog.”

Anya piped up, “He’s been at the vet the past week. Apparently he wasn’t trained well enough to understand that a box of pens is not a chew toy. He ate the entire box. They have him there to make sure the plastic and ink make it through his digestive system.”

Lexa instantly defended her dog. “He’s trained just fine, but someone left the box out.”

“How was I supposed to know that he would be able to reach the counter?”

“Anya, he’s a German Sheppard. He’s enormous. He stands taller than both of us on his back feet.”

Lincoln interrupted, quickly shutting down the bickering. “Ladies, calm down. Gus will be back tomorrow and you can argue about it and chastise him then.”

The group finished eating with minimally invasive conversation. Raven and Anya took on the small pile of dishes. Lincoln and Octavia went back to the living room to continue talking. Lexa and Clarke moved to Lexa’s bedroom for some privacy.

Clarke rubbed at the bridge of her nose as Lexa closed the door. “Sorry about them asking you all those personal questions. Raven and Octavia don’t always know when to stop.”

Lexa shrugged, “It’s fine. I’m used to being asked all the basics about being blind.”

Anya barged into the bedroom. She never did understand the concept of closed doors. “So Raven suggested we continue the party since it’s early but we’ve run out of booze. The bar down the street is the next destination. Care to join us, lovebirds?”

Lexa flushed at the lovebirds jab again, but Clarke was the one to speak. “No, thank you. I’ve got a shift tomorrow on the rig.” She raised her voice and moved closer to the door, projecting her voice across the apartment. “And so does Octavia who said she would drive tomorrow!”

“Relax, Clarke, I’ve driven the ambulance a million times!”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “If I end up having to drive again all this week you know I’ll be cranky.”

 

Lexa stiffened a bit at the thought of Clarke being in a vehicle so often. She really hated cars since the accident. Clarke doesn’t see how tense she was when she glanced over to Lexa.

Anya looked toward her roommate. “Lexa? How about you?”

Lexa shook her head. “I think I’ll just finish my beer and go to bed. I really should be getting back to work. I have deadlines to meet.”

“Probably just want to be alone with Clarke. Probably because you’re so hungry for sex.” Anya muttered. Lexa blushed at the beginning of her comment but she missed the end of it. Clarke definitely caught it though, and choked in the middle of sipping her beer.  

Whatever it was, it caused Clarke to choke on her drink so Lexa was embarrassed about it, “Anya, weren’t you all just leaving?”

Anya walked out of the bedroom, “Yeah, yeah. You know the rules, kiddo.”

Lincoln piped up from the living room, “No sex on the couch, kitchen counter, or the table.”

Lexa huffed, quickly getting her words out, “Thanks, Lincoln. I know.” She shut the door listening to the four adults laughing outside of the room. Lexa blushed harder and Clarke tried hard to smother her laughter. They both listened for the front door of the apartment to close. Clarke’s feeble attempt in containing her laughter is quickly noticed by Lexa. She pulled her glasses from her face and shot a glare at her. This only makes Clarke laugh harder until Lexa sighed and sat down on her bed, slightly defeated because Clarke was only encouraging Anya.

“Anya is insufferable.”

“I think she’s funny,” Clarke managed to get out through her giggles.

“Of course you do. You’re not her target.”

“Oh, come on. She isn’t that bad.”

Lexa huffed at her comment. She rubbed at her eyes and got up to put them back in their spot on the desk by her laptop. Clarke watched her move around, taking in the jeans and black button down once again. She was beautiful.

Clarke decided that Lexa needed to hear that. “You look beautiful, Lexa.”

 

Lexa wasn’t expecting to hear that from Clarke. She knew she looked good but it had still been a long time since someone told her with such conviction. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Lexa stood on the other side of the room, fiddling with her beer bottle and let out a deep sigh.

“What is it?” Clarke asked after a moment of silence.

It took a minute for Lexa to respond. To Clarke, Lexa seemed shy in this moment, and Lexa was definitely feeling nervous. "Anya told me that you look beautiful and I'm mad I can't see you." She raised the bottle to her lips and drank the last of the liquid.

"You can feel me if you want." Lexa choked on the last of her beer. Clarke realized what that sounded like. She quickly backtracked, "Like my face I meant. Yeah, to create an image." _Or the rest of my body, that would be cool too,_ she thought.

 

Lexa cleared her throat. She was going to touch Clarke. It wasn’t really something that she had done before considering she knew what all of her friends looked like. Everyone she was around on a regular basis had been there before the accident. Except for Clarke. “Okay.” She sat down on her bed in the centre and felt the bed shift in front of her as Clarke sat down opposite her. They both crossed their legs, knees brushing lightly. The contact sent sparks running through Lexa, making her wonder how the real touching would make her feel.

She took a moment to steel herself. Lexa hoped her hands weren’t shaking to show the nervous energy that was running through her veins. She lifted her hands to cup Clarke’s face gently. Her fingers hit warm, soft skin and Lexa released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. After holding Clarke’s cheeks between her palms for a minute, her hands moved.

She brushed her fingers over the slopes and plains of Clarke’s face, determined to get every little bit of it. Lexa wanted to be able to picture Clarke’s face every time she spoke just like she could for Anya and Lincoln. Her fingers danced across the tops of round cheeks, dragging her thumbs over the bridge of Clarke’s nose. She brought her hands back up after getting to the tip of Clarke’s nose, moving swiftly to touch her eyebrows and forehead, feeling how the arch of hair was shaped, how her forehead relaxed under her touch. Her thumbs brushed gently over eyelashes that quickly flitted closed. Lexa realized that Clarke had been watching her as she touched her.

Lexa moved her hands to each edge of Clarke’s face, dragging her index finger between her hairline and ears. She met her jawline and could feel Clarke’s pulse under her finger briefly before continuing on. It felt like it was beating fast.

When Lexa smoothed her thumb across Clarke’s bottom lip she felt a shaky breath hit her fingertips. In this moment, Lexa really wanted to kiss Clarke. Her lips were soft, plump, feeling oh-so-kissable under the pads of her thumbs. Her hands moved back to cupping Clarke’s cheeks, yearning to pull her face into her own and kiss her.

So she does.

Lexa leaned forward to cut away the space between them and pressed her lips gently against Clarke’s. At first, Clarke doesn’t move. Lexa was about to pull back and apologize when she felt hands on her arms, pulling her in even closer.

The first part of the kiss was very soft. Lexa had Clarke’s bottom lip between hers, putting only the slightest pressure on it. She pulled her lips off of Clarke’s slowly before Clarke pressed her own back on Lexa’s. Clarke’s tongue swiped across the tip of Lexa’s bottom lip and she moaned quietly in response. Clarke leaned closer, putting more pressure into the kiss. Lexa pushed back against Clarke with conviction. After another beat, Lexa pulled her lips off of Clarke’s, turning her head and brushing her nose against the tip of Clarke’s, gaining a new vantage point for their kiss.

Lexa laced her fingers in the hair near the nape of Clarke’s neck. She slipped her tongue between Clarke’s lips and felt the light vibrations as Clarke hummed in content. Clarke’s hands moved from Lexa’s elbows to her waist, brushing at the hem of her shirt.

The feeling of Clarke’s hands sent butterflies to her stomach. She pulled away before the kiss could become more heated. Lexa let out a breathy sigh, "You're really pretty."

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa, trying to catch her breath. “Thank you.” She leaned forward once more and captured Lexa’s top lip in her own. She was already addicted to how Lexa’s lips felt on her own and she was greedy for more.

Lexa pulled away once more though to rest her forehead against Clarke’s. “I hope this is okay.” She felt Clarke nodding against her head. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Lexa admitted.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since you started gushing about writing and your inspirations,” Clarke replied.

Lexa quirked an eyebrow and a smile quickly moved across her lips. She had told her about that on the coffee date. The first time they had a real conversation.

Clarke watched as the smile turned into a satisfied smirk and she groaned, “And maybe I should have kept that information to myself.”

“Definitely not.” Lexa pressed her lips onto Clarke’s again.

Clarke wanted to kiss her forever. She knew that sadly wouldn’t be possible, so Clarke pulled away reluctantly, “We both have stuff to do in the morning.”

Lexa nodded, dropping her hands from her hair, “I know.”

Clarke moved back from Lexa, not wanting to get wrapped up in her again. “I should probably get going.”

Lexa reached out for Clarke’s hand, “You are not driving though, are you?” She didn’t want the added worry of Clarke driving.

“Oh. Shit, yeah. My car is in the parking lot.” Clarke mentally cursed at herself for drinking so much when she knew she drove over here.

Lexa shook her head vigorously. “You have been drinking, you really should not drive.”

“I can call a cab or something.”

“No. Don’t waste your money. Stay the night.”

Clarke smirked, “Are you just trying to get me in your bed again already?”

Lexa gaped at the insinuation. “Only to sleep,” she promised, but a blush was ever present on her cheeks.

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand. “I’ll stay.”

After getting changed into suitable sleep wear, the two get into Lexa’s bed. It was different from the first time they shared a bed though. Instead of being on the opposite sides and as far away from the other as possible, Lexa actively scooted closer to Clarke. Clarke gathered Lexa in her arms, the two women getting comfortably entangled in each other. Lexa sighed contentedly.

 

 “Goodnight, Clarke.”

 “Night, Lexa.”  


	8. Two Types of Wetness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither of them noticed Gustus’ whines from lack of attention. They did notice when he got down from the bed, but they didn’t stop kissing. They did stop kissing when Gustus jumped back onto the bed and landed between them, as he pushed the women away from each other.   
> “Gus,” Lexa whined. “Of all the times to want to cuddle.”  
> Clarke giggled, “It’s okay, Lex. He just wants to be included.” She scratched the German Shephard’s head between the ears and he looked at her with love in his eyes. 
> 
> or;   
> Gustus meets Clarke, Clarke is late for work, Lexa finally gets some work done, Octavia is thoroughly annoyed at Clarke, and Anya makes a surprising appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just want to say a quick sorry for how long this one took, I am planning on writing the next chapter this weekend and I want to have it up by Monday. Enjoy :)

Clarke woke to wetness on her face. A tongue lapping at her cheek. Did Lexa just lick her?

She opened her eyes to see a black nose, long pink tongue, and sharp teeth. A German Shephard. “Hi, buddy.” Clarke lifted her hand up from the tangle of blankets and to pet the dog’s snout. Clarke murmured soft words to the dog as he settled down beside her on the edge of the bed. She cuddled up to the big guy and he let out a happy whine. Clarke felt Lexa roll over behind her as she jostled the bed marginally. Lexa pressed her front into Clarke’s back, her arms wrapped around Clarke’s hips moments later. Clarke turned her head to look at Lexa. A peaceful smile graced her lips. “Good morning, Lexa.”

“Good morning, Clarke. You met Gustus, I hear.” Lexa licked at her dry lips. Clarke couldn’t help but let her eyes drift down to watch.

“He woke me up with kisses.” Clarke rolled over to face Lexa. “Not exactly the kind of kisses I was hoping to receive this morning, but I’m sure someone would be able to make up for that.” She leaned in and pressed her lips gently on Lexa’s cheek, then her lips. Lexa brought her hand up to cup Clarke’s cheek, melting into the sweet woman.

Neither of them noticed Gustus’ whines from lack of attention. They did notice when he got down from the bed, but they didn’t stop kissing. They did stop kissing when Gustus jumped back onto the bed and landed between them, as he pushed the women away from each other.

“Gus,” Lexa whined. “Of all the times to want to cuddle.”

Clarke giggled, “It’s okay, Lex. He just wants to be included.” She scratched the German Shephard’s head between the ears and he looked at her with love in his eyes.

“How did he even get home?” Lexa asked. She didn’t expect to get an answer but-

“I picked him up this morning.”

Clarke turned toward the voice. Anya stood in the doorway with a smirk on her face. Did she ever not seem smug about something?

“How long have you been standing there, Anya?”

“Since I let Gus into your room to wake you two lovebirds up.”

Lexa sighed. Privacy with Anya was just about non-existent.

“Clarke’s phone has been going off for the last twenty minutes. I figured it might be somewhat important considering she has a job to get to,” she said before she tossed the phone into Clarke’s lap.

Clarke looked at the phone and groaned. All of the missed calls and texts were from Octavia. She was already twenty minutes late for her shift. “Son of a bitch. I have to go.” She turned back to Lexa who pouted adorably. “You’re so cute,” Clarke whispered. She kissed Lexa softly. Clarke pulled away and Lexa chased her lips. After one more peck, Clarke pulled away “I’ll text you when I get a chance?”

Lexa nodded, “Have a good day, Clarke.”

Clarke carefully made her way out of the tangle of blankets, “You too, Lex.” She gathered her clothing from the chair it was piled on and jogged out of the apartment, down the stairs, and to her car. It took about seven minutes to get to her own apartment from here in good traffic. Clarke hoped that today would be a good traffic day.

She pulled out of the parking space and sped down the quiet side street. After quick turn down another to avoid a school bus, Clarke turned onto one of the busiest streets in the city. It was fast paced, but it was a short cut to get home. Clarke usually avoided it because it was referenced as “The Bowery Racetrack”. She had been here to pick up a lot of pedestrians who had been hit by idiot drivers in the past, along with a handful of people who were victims of T-bone accidents.

Clarke stopped in line with the curb on Bowery. The drivers on East Hudson whizzed past the nose of her car, hoping to make it through the yellow light. When it turned red, the cars stopped in their lanes. One lane on Clarke’s right side was still empty though, which surprised her. There was usually no open lanes one these streets.

The light turned green for Clarke. She pressed her foot on the gas pedal and accelerated forward into the middle of the street. A flash of white tugged her eyes from the street in front of her to the passenger side of the car. That empty lane was no longer empty, and a car was coming toward her. Clarke’s eyes widened. She slammed her foot onto the gas pedal and attempted to accelerate out of the way.

 

* * *

 

Lexa settled into her desk chair and flipped open the top of her laptop. She pressed her finger into the button on the top right of the keyboard and listened as it whirred to life. Lexa plugged the jack to her headset and positioned the metal band over her head as the earpiece and microphone moved into place. Lexa was so used to using this computer by now that she barely needed to listen to the computerized voice talk her through things anymore.

Her fingers flitted from key to key, password easily memorized, and got it open in one shot. She drew a few figure eights on the track pad. It allowed the mouse to roam over the screen and Lexa got a feel for where she was on her desktop. Lexa felt the top of the desk with her fingertips until they hit warm ceramic. She picked up the third mug of coffee of the morning and took a large sip. The warm liquid settled well in her stomach and Lexa hummed. She loved her coffee.

After a few more figure eights, she found the folder and document she wanted and cleared her throat. Lexa had a lot of work to catch up on after her week of slacking. Clarke distracted her more than she originally thought.

Of course, she let it happen. She was being weak. Lexa shook her head to clear her mind of the thought. _Liking Clarke is not weak_ , she reminded herself. It would take more than just that sentence to convince herself of that but for now her emotions were in check.

She needed to get these articles written and finished so that she had time to work on her own novel ideas. Right now, Lexa had notes written up for the beginning of a plot on a post-apocalyptic world where a young woman commanded an entire country, while another who had just fallen from the sky, led another group. War was about to break out in the part of plot she was in, and then the two leaders would finally meet. It intrigued Lexa and held her attention for hours.

With that in mind, Lexa cleared her throat once again and spoke into the microphone. Her voiced words appeared quickly on the monitor that she couldn’t see as she verbally wrote her article. The faster she managed to get through these articles, the faster she could get back to what she really wanted to write.

 

* * *

 

Octavia rested her head against the back of the driver’s side seat. The texts that she sent had gone unanswered and Octavia hoped that was a sign that Clarke was getting her ass in gear. Clarke was thirty minutes late. Which meant that she was also thirty minutes late, according to her supervisor who was very impatient on good days. His anger showed when he shoved a newbie into the passenger side of the rig with a gruff, “Just get out there.”

The newbie held out her hand, “Hi. Echo, nice to meet you.”

Octavia shook it quickly, “Octavia. Buckle up, kid. We have places to be.” Octavia started the ambulance and the radio sputtered to life with a live scene. The operator spoke of numbers and colours, and Octavia watched as the newbie looked at her, confused. Octavia pulled out of the parking lot and turned the lights and sirens on before she translated the code, “Car accident, three cars involved, and multiple traumatic injuries. Possible fire potential, people already on scene but more help is needed. It’s going to be big so I hope you’re ready.”

Echo nodded and put on a game face. Octavia hoped that she really had game otherwise this job would be a lot more difficult. She and Clarke had such a great flow with each other, which was surprising because of how much they butt heads in other life situations. But as they helped other people, they were psychic almost. The way the two women worked together was almost as great as peanut butter and chocolate in a Reese cup. Only half an hour into her shift and Octavia missed Clarke. They always worked together so not having her partner in crime to banter with left her feeling empty.

It also left her with an anxious knot in her stomach. Clarke was late a lot, but never _this_ late.

Octavia shoved the thought out of her mind as the ambulance pulled up to the scene of the accident. There were constantly accidents in this area of town. Damn people didn’t know how to slow the hell down. She pressed her foot onto the brake pedal and glanced over at Echo. “This is Bowery and East Hudson. You know, the infamous “Bowery Racetrack?” Echo nodded. “Yeah, so watch out for cars. They don’t slow down even for this so just be careful okay? Watch where you walk. We don’t need this to become a pileup.”

Octavia checked the side mirror and then looked out the window to make sure some asshat wasn’t about to rip the door right off the vehicle. When the coast was clear, she hopped down from the side of the rig and jogged over to the scene. It looked nasty but mostly cleared out. Octavia walked up to a man giving orders and waved an arm to get his attention. “Hey, we have another rig ready for one of the injured. Who is left?”

The firefighter directed Octavia to the beat up car to her right. “There’s a woman pinned in there but she said she was good enough for us to get to others first. The medics checked on her briefly. The driver that caused the accident was taken out first because of possible drug overdose. He t-boned the second driver, and the second driver hit the woman over in that car. This guy is going to go to jail for a long time, but neither of the women are in trouble, in case you want to let her know that.” He pointed towards the car where the woman was still stuck. “The second driver looked a lot worse than her, so the last medics pulled her out first. If you want to check her vitals again, the guys are about to bring out the jaws to pry the metal off her.” Octavia nodded her assurance and made her way over the car.

To get to it, she had to walk past a car that looked eerily familiar. She shook off the feeling and motioned for Echo to follow her. She got the blonde woman’s attention inside the car and gave her a reassuring smile. “Hi there. What’s your name?”

The woman looked to be in minor pain. Her head was pinned so that she was looking almost directly forward, so Octavia couldn’t see much of her face, just scratches and bruises that were in their early stages. The metal was across her body, likely putting weight on her stomach and chest. Octavia hoped that pressure was the only thing wrong with this part of the scene. “Anya.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. “Anya? Holy crap, Anya, its Octavia.” She moved toward the front of the car so she could look at her face. Indeed, it was the same Anya who she had just met last night. The one she had just finished partying with.

Anya met her eyes and looked shocked, “Fancy seeing you here. Want to get me out now?”

Octavia let out a rough laugh, “Yeah, we’re working on it. Does anything hurt?” She moved back toward the broken window of the car to get Anya’s pulse. It was strong and steady, if not slightly elevated from stress. “Echo, grab a collar and backboard?” Echo nodded and moved back towards the rig to gather the supplies.

“Nothing hurts. At least not yet,” Anya said.

The firefighters walked towards the car with the Jaws of Life, ready to pry Anya out of the metal death trap. Octavia backed away after she placed the collar around Anya’s neck. Echo stood by ready with the backboard. It didn’t take long for the metal to be pulled apart. Octavia was right back in there checking over Anya for injuries but after cutting away the bottom of her shirt, Octavia was able to safely say that she was going to be okay. There was maybe a broken rib but nothing that some rest wouldn’t fix. Octavia and Echo lifted Anya out of the mangled car and onto the stretcher.

“Not exactly how I pictured us hanging out again, but I suppose this will do for now,” Octavia said as she sat beside the stretcher in the rig. Echo hopped into the front seat and began the short drive to the closest hospital.

“I don’t think you should be complaining at all considering I was the one in the accident,” Anya retorted.

Octavia smirked, “Touché.”

Anya looked towards Echo in the driver’s seat. “So, where is Clarke then? She left the apartment just before I did.”

Octavia’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? She didn’t answer any of my messages.”

Anya nodded, “Yeah, she was already late by the time I threw her phone at her to stop it from ringing.”

Octavia sat back against the wall, puzzled. So if Clarke left Lexa’s apartment, where the hell was she?

 

* * *

 

Lexa hummed to the music playing in the background as she made herself a sandwich. Writing always worked up an appetite for her brain and sandwiches were the easiest brain food.

She was interrupted by her phone ringing beside her. Lexa unlocked it, and put it on speaker. She set it down so she could continue making her sandwich. “Hello, this is Lexa Woods.”

“Lex, its Anya.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Did Clarke come back there?”

Lexa turned back to her phone and picked it up off the counter, “No? She had to go to work. Why would she come back here?”

Anya spoke to someone in the background but the conversation was muffled. Lexa heard someone speak in a fast tone before loud footsteps echoed quickly down what was probably a hallway.

“Anya? What is going on?”

Anya sighed. “Okay just,” she paused. “Sit down.”

Lexa did not like where this is going but she obeyed Anya and took a seat on the bar stool. “Anya,” she said in a warning tone. “What is going on?”

“I just want to say first that I am okay. Alright? I’m fine.”

Lexa’s heart pounded in her chest. She felt sweat built under her arms and let out a ragged breath. “What is going on, Anya?”

“There was an accident. It was a car accident but I am fine. I’m talking to you right now, and I am okay. So calm down,” Anya spoke quickly, as if Lexa would calm down if she got all of the information out.

“What? Where are you? I’m coming to whatever hospital you’re at right now.” Lexa stood from the stool and rushed over to the door to put on her shoes. Gustus was by her side in seconds and she reached for his harness. It was tangled around itself and her hands moved in frantic motions to untangle it as fast as possible.

Anya sighed, “It’s the same one you go to for your appointments. But Lexa,” Anya paused again.

“What, Anya? What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s Clarke.”

Lexa’s heart dropped into her stomach. Her hands stopped moving. “What about Clarke?” She croaked out. Lexa felt acid rising in the back of her throat. “What about Clarke, Anya?” Lexa yelled into her phone.

Anya was slient.

“Anya! What about Clarke?” Lexa felt tears in her eyes before they dropped down her cheeks. “Where is Clarke?” Her words sounded strangled.

“She’s here. She was the one that hit me.”


	9. Déjà vu and Late Night Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How is any of this funny, Anya?”  
> “Lexa.”   
> “No. Whatever sick thing you just thought of, I do not want to hear it.”  
> “Lexa,” Anya wiped the tears off of Lexa’s flushed face. “Get up.”  
> “What’s the point?” she asked, dejected. 
> 
> or;  
> Lexa is terrified, Anya and Octavia are their sassy selves, and Clarke is wheeled around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone who freaked out in the comments section, it really made my day.   
> Also, sorry not sorry for that cliffhanger. Originally, these were going to be one chapter, but the last got to a decent size on its own, and I knew this one would be much longer. Plus, cliffhangers make everyone freak out, so what's not to love about that?   
> Enjoy!

“Lexa? Lexa, are you still there? Can you hear me? Lexa?”

The phone had fallen face down on the floor. Anya’s voice still came through loud and clear but Lexa couldn’t answer. She couldn’t _breathe_. Endless weight pressed down on her chest. She couldn’t _move._ The tangled harness hung limply, clenched in her hand. Gustus whined beside her and nudged his head against the back of her knee, pushing her over just enough for Lexa to fall harshly to her knees.

“Lexa, answer me, damn it!” Anya yelled through the phone.

Lexa let out a choked sob. “I’m here,” she didn’t think Anya heard the broken whisper, but she did.

“Octavia went to go find out information on Clarke.” Lexa sucked in a jagged breath. Tears fell freely from her eyes and slipped down her flushed cheeks. Gustus let out another whine and tugged on the harness. “Just get over here, okay?”

“I’ll be there soon,” Lexa hung up the phone before Anya could say anything else. Gustus pulled on the harness again and she let it drop from her hands. Lexa pressed her face into her palms and let out a loud, agonized sob.

Again. This happened before. The sick déjà vu she felt like knives to her heart. Harsh waves of stabs that pierced her skin, swift cuts creating an uncontainable flow of blood. Of pain. The memory of Costia’s screams ran through her mind and Lexa shuddered.

_It wouldn’t be like this if you hadn’t gotten in so deep,_ her mind yelled alongside the memories. _If you weren’t weak like this, it wouldn’t matter._

But Clarke mattered. Clarke mattered so much to Lexa. She was already too deep in this hole, and there was no way she could dig herself out. So she must dig further. Face the pain. Face whatever was in the hospital, no matter what it was, be it life or death.

Lexa pulled in a deep breath, holding it in, then letting it come out in a rush from her mouth. She steadied her breathing and wiped the tears off of her cheeks. “Be strong, Lexa,” she said aloud, despite there being no one around. “Be strong for Clarke.”

Gustus nudged her once more and Lexa took the harness from him. After a moment of struggle, she unravelled the knots of the harness and placed it on the dog’s large body. Without another thought, she moved through the apartment door with her phone in her left hand, harness in her right. The door closed soundly behind her and Gustus began to lead her out of the apartment and to the city streets.

 

* * *

 

“How are you related to Clarke Griffin?”

“I- well I’m not, but I’m her first emergency contact for work and we are technically are working right now so please, just tell me where she is.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa walked quickly down the streets, the path to the hospital burned into her brain from past appointments. She could have easily walked it without Gustus, but he made the trip go by faster. Obstacles were avoided, people moved out of her way faster with a German Sheppard on her side rather than just her walking stick.

By the time she reached the doors of the hospital, her breaths had become more stable but the ache in Lexa’s chest was still there. With every beat of her heart came the plunge of the invisible knives. Lexa swallowed the acid built up in the back of her throat and the rawness stung as a brief reminder of the sobs that she let out in the apartment. It only made her more terrified.

Lexa swung the doors of the hospital open and braced herself for the horrors she might need to face.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah, Blake. How hard is it to spell Blake? B-l-a-k-e. Why do you need to get my entire life story, just tell me where she is!”

 

* * *

 

“Don’t tell me I need to lay down, you just said I could go.”

“After the doctor checks on you once more and you have signed the release papers.”

Anya rolled her eyes at the stunned nurse and gathered her things. “I’ll come back here before I leave then.” No she wouldn’t. “I have someone I need to see.” She wrenched the papers from out of the man’s hand and signed them messily. “Which direction is E wing?” The nurse pointed towards the left hallway and Anya all but ran toward it. She knew Lexa always used that entrance since it was the closest set of doors to the apartment.

Anya jogged and dodged people in the hallways until she found the lobby area she was familiar with. It didn’t take her very long to find Lexa when her roommate raised her voice.

Lexa was standing at a counter arguing with one of the nurses at the station. “I don’t care if I’m not related to her! I need to know where she is!” Her voice was gravelly and broken when she spoke again, “Please, just tell me where Clarke Griffin is.”

“Lexa!” Anya called from down the hall. Lexa’s head swiveled toward Anya’s voice. She moved quickly away from the desk and pulled Gustus forward.

Anya met her halfway and pulled Lexa into her chest. Lexa all but collapsed in Anya’s arms. “What happened?” Lexa croaked.

“Let’s go find Octavia so we can get the entire story.” Anya rubbed Lexa’s back for a moment before straightening herself out. She tried not to grimace at how it made her bruised chest feel, and tried not to let the pain reach her voice, lest she worry Lexa even more.

“Where is Octavia? Why is she here? Was she in the accident too? Is she okay?”

“Lex, relax, okay? She wasn’t in the accident.” Anya sighed before recanting her version of the story to Lexa. “I left the apartment right after Clarke, as you know. I got onto Bowery and ended up in the left lane next to Clarke somehow. When the light turned green for us she accelerated quickly, probably because she was late. And some asshole came screeching through the red light on East Hudson and t-boned her.” Lexa gasped. “Her car hit mine. I didn’t even know it was her until after Octavia and I got to the hospital. It wasn’t either of our faults and I have no idea how the other driver is but apparently he was high.”

“You’re hurt because some idiot decided to drive intoxicated. Why do people feel the need to do such stupid, irresponsible, dangerous things?” Lexa asked, exasperated. The déjà vu reappeared. Drunk or high, it didn’t matter. “If he hurt Clarke, if he,” she paused. “If he killed her...”

Anya stopped walking and pulled Lexa to the side. “If he killed her, she would still be at the scene. They would have called police to the incident and taped the crime scene off. Clarke was brought to this hospital alive.”

“Yeah, well Costia was dead before I got to say goodbye, Anya.”

“Clarke is not dead.”

“You can’t know that!” she screamed. Bystanders were beginning to watch Lexa’s outburst. “You don’t know if she is alive or dead! She might be lying lifeless in the basement right now, like Costia was by the time I got to her. She might have a giant piece of metal from the car sticking through her stomach, just like Costia. She might have half of her skull gone, just like Costia. You don’t know, Anya!” Tears streamed down her face again. Anya held Lexa up by her arms and Gustus pressed into the side of her leg. “She won’t know how much I love her already if she’s dead, Anya. She won’t ever know.”

The sobs that wracked her body were the final straw. Anya couldn’t hold her up any longer and they both fell to the floor. Anya tugged Lexa into her arms and glanced around at the bystanders who had stopped to eavesdrop on the breakdown. She glared until they went back to what they were originally doing. Her eyes met two shocked, familiar faces at the end of the hallway over Lexa’s shoulder that still hadn’t moved since the two landed on the floor. They had witnessed Lexa’s entire breakdown. Clarke finally made eye contact with her instead of staring at the back of Lexa’s head and Anya let out a harsh laugh. It made Lexa pull back.

“How is any of this funny, Anya?”

“Lexa.”

“No. Whatever sick thing you just thought of, I do not want to hear it.”

“Lexa,” Anya wiped the tears off of Lexa’s flushed face. “Get up.”

“What’s the point?” she asked, dejected.

“Well, she’s ten feet behind you in a wheelchair, alive, and still looking hot in a hospital gown, so probably that.”

Lexa’s head shot up and whipped around. “Clarke?” her bottom lip trembled. She rushed to stand up.

“Jesus, Lexa. Look at your eyes,” Octavia said loudly as she wheeled Clarke over to the distressed woman.

Lexa’s hand instinctively reached up to her face and realized that in her haste to get to the hospital that she never grabbed her glasses from her bedroom.

Clarke slapped a hand to where Octavia was holding onto the handles of the chair, “Shut up, would you?”

When Lexa heard Clarke’s raspy voice, she just about collapsed onto the floor for a third time that day. The sharp jabs into her heart were now just a dull ache. Her lungs finally opened up and a real breath made its way inside her body. Lexa didn’t have concrete pressed into her lungs anymore. One final tear slipped down her face before Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa’s empty hand, harness long forgotten. When Clarke pressed Lexa’s palm to her face, she laughed.

Clarke smiled up at her and reveled in her laugh. It was such a freeing sound coming from deep in her chest. Pure happiness at the realization that Clarke was very much alive. “Hi,” Clarke whispered.

Lexa wasted no time in crashing their lips together. A mixture of tenderness and love, happiness and fear, all rushed out at once. She placed gentle pecks on Clarke’s lips, hands cupped her cheeks. She then moved up to kiss her forehead, placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Clarke’s nose, before Lexa placed another kiss to Clarke’s soft lips. They kissed for a few more moments before Octavia cleared her throat loudly.

“Okay, okay, we get it. Lovely reunion. Can we move along now? Some of us have work to get back to,” Octavia grumbled. But the smile on her face gave away her true emotions.

Lexa pulled back but didn’t stray far. She pressed her forehead against Clarke’s and sighed. “I thought I lost you,” she whispered.

Clarke shook her head, looking into Lexa’s red rimmed eyes, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s a lie, you’re going to go right down this hallway here to get checked out,” Octavia said.

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed, “Wait, how hurt are you?” She jerked backward. “I’m not hurting you am I?”

Clarke pulled Lexa back in, “No, I’m fine. I’ve just got a couple cuts on my head from hitting it. Maybe a concussion. They want to do a scan to make sure my brain isn’t bleeding.” Lexa gulped. Clarke quickly reassured her by rattling on, “Which I already know it isn’t because I don’t have a severe headache, I haven’t had a seizure, I have no nausea, I haven’t vomited, have no weakness in extremities, decreased alertness, changes to my vision, numbness, trouble speaking or understanding anyone, difficulty swallowing, difficulty reading or writing, loss of fine motor skills –see my hands are perfectly steady– or coordination issues, or balance issues, and I’m not unconscious so,” she took a deep breath after the end of the list, “So, I’m fine. No brain bleeding. I am good, great even! Just peachy.” Clarke nodded quickly. “I’m okay, Lex, I promise.”

“Well now that we know Clarke can recite symptoms of a brain bleed off like she’s reading WebMD, we should probably get her to that scan,” Anya said with a smirk. She glanced at Octavia, “If you do need to get back to work then I can take her back to ours after they let her go.”

“They’re probably going to want to keep her overnight,” Octavia replied. “Unless she can WebMD herself out of that somehow too.”

Lexa chuckled and stood up, Clarke’s hand still in her own. “I’m sure she could WebMD herself out of any situation.” Lexa beamed down at Clarke when she squeezed her hand.

“Of course I could. I’m great at getting what I want.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke did end up getting what she wanted, which surprised Lexa. And the doctors.

They were back safely in Lexa’s apartment, sans Anya and Octavia who were back at Clarke, Octavia, and Raven’s apartment. Anya quickly decided to stay the night over there, “To give you lovebirds a chance to talk,” she said to Lexa before she took off again.  

So here she stood in the kitchen, preparing food, with Clarke on the couch in comfortable clothing. Ice packs covered the majority of her body to help with the minor cuts and bruising, and her head was wrapped with gauze to cover the one longer cut the slid from her temple back into her hair line. It was deep and it had required stitches. Clarke decided to have Octavia take them out once the cut healed properly, rather than sitting in a tedious waiting cycle at the hospital again.

Lexa brought over some homemade chicken noodle soup to Clarke. She sat down next to her with the tray in her lap, her head bent towards the floor. She looked sad. Clarke placed her hand onto Lexa’s exposed knee under the tray. “What is it, Lexa?” she asked.

Lexa sighed, “I was going to feed you the soup to you don’t have to move your arms but I would probably just spill it on you.”

Clarke giggled and a small smile sprouted on Lexa’s face. “That’s sweet of you, but my arms don’t really hurt that much.” Her hand squeezed Lexa’s knee softly, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“It’s the least I can do, Clarke.”

They ate the soup in comfortable silence, both of them just happy to be together.

 

* * *

 

“Would you just get over here already?” Clarke exclaimed.

It was time to go to bed but Lexa was hesitant now about sharing a bed with Clarke.

“I will sleep on the couch, Clarke.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch, Lexa, you can sleep in your own bed.” Clarke threw back the covers on the other side and patted the sheets, loud enough that Lexa would hear the motion. She rolled her eyes when Lexa shook her head. “Get into bed, Lex.”

Lexa fiddled with the bottom of the oversized shirt she was wearing. “I don’t want to jostle you in your sleep and make your injuries worse,” she said quietly.

Clarke softened. “You won’t. It’s just some bruising and a couple of cuts.”

“What about your head?” Lexa asked worriedly.

“My head will be fine as long as you don’t head bang in your sleep. Do you head bang in your sleep? Are you a secret metal lover?”

A small grin crept onto Lexa’s face, “No, I don’t head bang in my sleep.” She slipped into the bed next to Clarke carefully and pulled the blankets up to cover them.

“So you are a secret metal lover.”

“Metallica is pretty good.”

Clarke laughed, “Of course you like the classics.”

“The classics are classics for a reason, Clarke.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and scooted closer to Lexa’s warm body. She wrapped her arm around Lexa’s hips and pulled her close. Lexa went rigid until Clarke had settled her head onto Lexa’s shoulder and grasped Lexa’s hand in hers. Lexa sighed in contentment, closed her eyes, and promptly fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

_Lexa opened her eyes and looked to the ground. She sat on top of a street light on a familiar road. Her feet dangled and swung back and forth slowly as she waited for something. But what was she waiting for?_

_A car turned onto the street just below the street light Lexa sat on. She jumped down from the high place and waited to feel the pain of her legs crunching against the roof of this car. Instead, she slipped inside of it, directly into the backseat, like a ghost._

_“So tomorrow we have that little party for work, remember, Lex?” Lexa couldn’t see who this woman was, but it sounded like Costia. She looked toward the driver’s seat and saw herself. But it didn’t seem like herself, since she was sitting in the backseat._

_The driver, the other Lexa, nodded. “Yes, I remember. Let’s hope this time you don’t get so drunk,” she teased._

_Costia slapped her arm and Lexa laughed. “I didn’t get drunk!”_

_“I had to carry you into the apartment, Cos. I don’t think I have ever seen you that drunk before.”_

_“I could have walked on my own.”_

_“You told me that if I didn’t carry you, you would eat shit.”_

_Lexa laughed from the backseat at the memory, but it was not acknowledged by the other inhabitants in the car._

_“I did not!”_

_“Did so! Anya even heard it. She was laughing just about as hard as I was.”_

_Costia sighed. “Okay, fine. I was really drunk.”_

_“I was worried I might need to take you to a hospital to get your stomach pumped.”_

_“You were not.”_

_“Maybe not. But I would have been if you kept going shot for shot with your brother. I still don’t understand how you managed to talk him into that one.”_

_Lexa shook her head from behind the bickering women. Lincoln was not one to drink so she had been rightly surprised when he agreed._

_“Lincoln hates losing bets. He hates getting drunk but apparently it was worth my money.”_

_“He knew he would win. You knew he would win, he’s three times your size.”_

_“I know. I just wanted to get him shitfaced so he would talk to that girl.”_

_Driver Lexa shook her head and turned onto the highway. Lexa realized where they were as soon as the car sped up._

_Costia sighed quietly._

_Lexa turned her head to look at Costia. “What?”_

_“I love you.”_

_From the backseat, Lexa replied at the same time as the Lexa that was driving. “I love you more,” they said in unison._

_“That’s a lie. We both know I love you more.”_

_“Impossible,” they said, shaking their heads. Driver Lexa had her eyes back to being focused on the road._

_“Maybe. Maybe not.”_

_There was an intersection ahead of them. The yellow caution light blinked over the centre of the road, warning the drivers to watch for other cars. The only one Driver Lexa could see was a large truck in the oncoming lane._

_Backseat Lexa knew what was about to happen._

_The black truck with its headlights off, speeding down the side street, coming towards Lexa’s car was the exact same. “Stop driving! Put on the brakes!” she yelled. It didn’t stop for the stop sign. “Stop the car!” Driver Lexa did not hear her. As they came up to the intersection, the truck blasted on its horn. Costia turned her head enough to see the truck before it hit. “Lexa!”_

_Lexa watched as the car was hit. She watched herself be thrown against the side of the car in the driver’s seat and went along for the ride as it rolled twice._

_Another horn blared, much deeper than the last one. The glass of the windshield broke in. Lexa sat in the backseat in a panic but she didn’t feel the pain she thought she would. All she could do was watch as Driver Lexa yelled out in pain and promptly passed out from the shock._

_But they both woke quickly to Costia’s screams. Costia’s screams that weren’t her own screams anymore. Who was screaming?_

_The woman in the passenger seat howled in pain. Driver Lexa was pinned in her seat, unable to move her arms. Something was stuck between her shins, and it kept her legs from moving more than an inch. She turned her head towards the passenger seat. Instead of being awake for the ending of this, Driver Lexa passed out. Her body slumped against the seat and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke until it was only Lexa in the backseat, along with the woman who was still screaming._

_Lexa scrambled into the empty driver’s seat to get a better look at the woman._

_The face of the woman was shadowed, as if Lexa had never been able to get a good look at her before. Her skin was pale compared to Costia’s dark brown, blonde hair in place of black curls. It all fit into place. “Clarke,” Lexa got out in a strangled whisper._

_Clarke kept screaming in agony. When she turned her head towards Lexa, half of her face was gone, just like Costia’s had been. It looked like it had been scraped off. There was a large cut in her throat, blood poured from it. Clarke thrashed against the seat belt cutting into her shoulder but it was no use. She was stuck. “Lexa!” she called out, her voice was cut off by a gurgling sound in her throat. Lexa looked down to her chest._

_There was a piece of shrapnel stuck in the centre of her torso. Blood ran down the middle of her body, pooling onto the seat. Sirens wailed in the distance and Clarke continued to call out her name in the raspy voice that was unmistakeably Clarke’s. When Lexa tried to move towards Clarke to stop the bleeding, she found that she was pinned. Lexa looked at her body and saw the same predicament that Driver Lexa had been in. She trapped herself unwillingly. “Clarke. Don’t move,” Lexa yelled as loud as she could. It didn’t stop Clarke from screaming. “Clarke, please!” Nothing would stop her screaming. Lexa didn’t stop yelling her name. Her throat felt like it was bleeding. Sirens got closer and-_

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke with a start. She sat up quickly and looked around the dark room. She glanced down to Lexa who was twitching in her sleep. Clarke smoothed the hair on Lexa’s head and sweat dripped onto her hand.

“Clarke,” Lexa whimpered.

Worried, Clarke got out of bed to turn on a light. When she looked back to Lexa, she moved more violently. “Clarke!” she called out in her sleep. Her head whipped from side to side on the pillow.

Clarke slid across the floor and pulled back the sheets from Lexa’s body before she could tangle herself in them more. Her side of the bed was totally drenched in sweat.

“Clarke! Don’t move!” Lexa yelled. “Clarke, please!”

“Lexa, wake up,” Clarke said sternly. She placed her arm on Lexa’s shoulder and shook, but there was no reaction other than Lexa beginning to flail around on the bed. Clarke kneeled on the bed, swung her leg over Lexa’s hips and moved down until her knees were in line with them. Carefully, she grasped each of Lexa’s wrists and crossed her arms in front of her body so Lexa wouldn’t hit her, or herself, by accident. “Lexa, wake up,” she said it louder again. Still nothing. “Lexa!” she shouted.

Lexa sat up straight with a gasp. She couldn’t move her arms, so she struggled against the barrier.

Clarke didn’t let go, but she released her grip slightly. “Lexa, you’re okay. It’s okay.”

Lexa’s eyes widened at the voice in front of her. “Clarke?” she breathed.

“It’s me, it’s Clarke.”

Her wrists were out of Clarke’s grip and arms wrapped around Clarke’s neck in seconds. Lexa’s head pressed down into her shoulder. “Oh, Clarke. You’re safe. You’re safe, and it wasn’t real.”

“I’m safe and it wasn’t real,” Clarke parroted back to her reassuringly as she loosely held Lexa. She sat down on top of Lexa’s thighs but was careful not to put her full weight on them. Clarke rubbed circles into Lexa’s back. She felt wetness soaking into her shirt after a few minutes of Lexa trying to calm her ragged breaths.

Lexa sniffled and pulled back soon after. She rubbed at her eyes and wiped her face off with the collar of her shirt. “God, I’m such a mess,” she whispered.

Clarke shook her head and brought her hand up to wipe a stray tear from Lexa’s jaw. “You had a nightmare, that doesn’t make you a mess.”

Lexa let out a broken laugh, “It does when you have it every few days.”

Clarke shook her head again and pressed a kiss to Lexa’s forehead. “It still doesn’t make you a mess.” Clarke moved off of Lexa’s lap and sat down next to her. She wrapped an arm around Lexa’s waist and gave a soft tug to pull Lexa towards her body. Lexa hugged Clarke’s torso and set her head on Clarke’s shoulder, similar to the way they had fallen asleep. After another beat of silence, “Did you want to talk about it?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa sighed. She knew that she should tell Clarke the entire story. It would explain her distance, her unwillingness to be open at the beginning of their friendship. So Lexa took a few more deep breaths and started from the beginning.

“Her name was Costia.” Lexa smiled sadly, “I thought she was the love of my life, and we were going to be together forever. And we probably would have been. I was going to propose to her.”

“What happened?” Clarke asked.

“She died. In the car accident that we were both in. The one that caused me to go blind.”

 

Clarke swallowed and pressed a kiss to the top of Lexa’s head, but stayed quiet. She realized that it was going to take a lot of courage for Lexa to make it through this, and interruptions would only make her clam up again.

 

Their breaths punctuated the silence before Lexa spoke again. “She sat beside me in homeroom during our first day of high school, and we became fast friends. She was my best friend. And after a year of that, she became my girlfriend too. She was a first for everything I ever did. First kiss, first time, first love. I loved her so much. We were together for seven years and had plans for the future we had already begun building together. Our parents adored us as a couple and they were so excited to see us both grow up and become so precious to each other.

“The night of the accident, we were coming home from a small celebration party my parents were throwing. It was for a friend of theirs but they invited us anyway. A lot of times when I miss her a lot I wish they hadn’t invited us. Or they told us to stay longer. Or we left even twenty minutes earlier. Anything to just not be in that same place, at that exact moment for us to be hit by that drunk driver.

“It t-boned us, just like your accident. But he was speeding and hit us hard enough that we rolled twice and landed in the oncoming lane. A transport hit us from the front and honestly, it’s surprising that we survived past that point. I hit the left back side of my head hard, and you must know from your career what that does. I could have just lost vision of the entire right side of my visual field. Which is what happened, it would appear as if a line had been drawn down the center of my visual field and everything to the right of the line would be black while to the left all would be normal. Except I had a piece of glass go through my other eye. So that led to full blindness. If it had gone through the right eye I would still be able to see.

“Costia’s injuries were more severe. She had been impaled through the chest and her throat had been cut. It was terrifying to watch because I couldn’t move but she wouldn’t _stop moving_ and it was only making her bleed faster. I passed out after I started to hear sirens. That’s what the nightmare usually is, reliving the accident up until the sirens.

“I woke up in a hospital bed after the accident with blurry vision. The doctors told me that I was going into surgery to remove the rest of the glass and repair my vision. When I woke up again, it was just dark. No light at all. They couldn’t repair the damage on my eye or my brain. It would be permanent.

“By the time I had calmed down after that, I realized that Costia wasn’t around. When I asked about her, none of the doctors would get me a straight answer because we weren’t legally anything. It was so frustrating that if I had been able to see, I probably would have stormed out of the room to find her myself. But I was trapped in my own head and scared. Vulnerable to any dangers that people can easily avoid when they can see, like tables, or walls, or stairs. So I sat in the bed and demanded for my parents to be called so that they could help me get to her. They had been down in the cafeteria with Costia’s parents for hours that day. When they finally made it back to my room, they were relieved to see I was awake. Apparently, I hadn’t woken up right after the surgery and they were worried about more brain damage. I was asleep for three days.

“During those three days, Costia had also gone through surgery and not woken up. Instead, she fell into a coma, and doctors told her parents that there was no brain activity left because of the blood loss and complications in surgery. They had to resuscitate her five times, and the last time took too long. It killed her brain. Her parents decided to take her off of life support two hours before I woke up. I never got to say goodbye to her while she was still warm. For all I know, I cried over the cold, lifeless body of a stranger the basement of a hospital.

“I was so furious with her parents and my own after I got out of the hospital that I wouldn’t talk to any of them. Anya took me in and helped me get back on my feet, and we moved into this place together. Even after apologizing to my parents, they still won’t talk to me. They send me cheques every month. Enough to ensure that I don’t need to work to support myself. I haven’t touched anything they have sent me in two years. I haven’t talked to them since I apologized. I have lost pretty much everyone I have ever cared for, Clarke. So when Anya called me today and said you were in the hospital, I couldn’t breathe.” Lexa turned her head up towards Clarke’s. “I couldn’t go through that again.”

 

Clarke pressed another kiss into her forehead and thought for a second. Her mind retraced previous conversations they had shared and landed on the one they had after Lexa kicked her out the first morning they slept in the same bed. “When we talked the day after you kicked me out, when I said I wouldn’t hurt you, and you said, ‘Probably not intentionally, but you will.’ That’s what you meant by it? That I would die and you would have to face that pain again.” Lexa nodded into her shoulder. “Oh, Lexa.”

“If we do this, Clarke, whatever this is, I have to die first. I can’t live through that again. I won’t survive it,” Lexa practically whimpered. “I watched you go through the same thing Costia did in the nightmare. I listened to you scream and cry and I just,” Lexa shuddered. “I can’t have that happen again.”

Clarke nodded against Lexa’s head, “I wouldn’t want to live through you dying either though, Lexa.” The thought itself made acid rush up in her throat. She swallowed it down and attempted to lighten the heaviness that had settled in both of their chests. “How about we make a deal?”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed, “What kind of deal?”

“We either die in the exact same moment, so that neither of us know the other has passed, or we find a way to become immortal and live together forever. We could even immortalize our friends!” Clarke looked at Lexa’s face to gauge her reaction. She watched Lexa ponder the deal for a moment before she shook her head. “What? Not a good deal?” Clarke asked.

“You really want to spend forever being tortured by Anya, Octavia, Raven, and Lincoln when they gang up on us?”

Clarke giggled, “Okay, well we can live on the other side of the world and only visit once every decade, so that they can’t annoy us too much.”

Lexa nodded once, “Okay, deal. So either together, or forever?”

The words felt like they had a lot more sentiment behind them, and Clarke knew they did considering she witnessed Lexa’s breakdown in the hospital. She listened in on the not-so-private yelling in which Lexa confessed that she loved Clarke. But now wasn’t the time to bring it up. Not yet. So Clarke just placed a kiss on Lexa’s slightly upturned lips and repeated the statement to her softly. “Together or forever.”

 


	10. Intimate Interactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Should we wait for the waiter to come around to ask for a recommendation?” Clarke asked.   
> As Lexa nodded her agreement, footsteps clicked across the floor behind her. Clarke heard the waiter approach but didn’t look up from the wine menu.   
> “Hello, I will be your waiter for this evening.”  
> Her head shot up at the voice. No. 
> 
> or;  
> Clarke and Lexa go on a date, Anya and Raven break some rules, and Octavia is Clexa af

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is once again taking over my entire thought process and so here is another chapter! I can't guarantee that the next one will be out nearly as fast but I do plan to keep writing throughout the week

Two weeks after the accident, Clarke went back to work with Octavia by her side. Her injuries had subsided and all that was left was a dark pink scar that ran into her hairline. It would fade away with time, but not everything about the accident would.

Certainly not the breakdown Lexa had in the hospital. Or the resulting night of nightmares directly after it. But Clarke was confident in them. She knew they could get through tough times if they could handle the possible heartbreak that entire day brought for the both of them.

Clarke looked forward to the moment that she would tell Lexa about how she felt for her. Lexa still didn’t know that Clarke knew about her loud confession of love, and Clarke made Anya and Octavia promise not to say anything. Clarke wanted to do this right. She wanted to hear it properly and ensure that Lexa was ready for Clarke to know.

The slow pace of their un-named relationship led to a couple of sweet nights of cuddling together until Lexa finally got the courage to ask Clarke on a date. A real date.

 

Clarke knocked on Lexa’s door and it swung open a second later. Almost a little too quickly for someone to have walked across the apartment.

“Were you standing there waiting for me?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

Lexa blushed, but didn’t comment, “You’re late, Clarke.”

Clarke glanced down at her phone to see the time. “It’s 5:32, Lexa. Two minutes isn’t late.”

“5:30 means 5:30.”

“5:30 means 5:30,” Clarke repeated in a slightly higher pitch.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

Clarke sighed and feigned annoyance at Lexa’s formality. “Yeah, whatever. Where is my hello kiss?” She leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa’s plump bottom lip. Clarke pulled it between her teeth and gave a playful nip.

Lexa moaned quietly and moved the two of them inside the apartment. The door closed behind Clarke and Lexa pushed her up against the door a little roughly. It rattled, which perked up other ears in the apartment.

Suddenly, the two women were being pushed apart by the hips which caused their lips to cease movement. Clarke looked down to see Gustus shuffle in between them. He looked up at Clarke and panted. “Hi there, Gus!” Clarke cooed. She bent over and placed a kiss on the top of his head and pet his nose.

Lexa let out an exasperated sigh. This wasn’t the first time Gustus wiggled his way between them for attention and she knew it certainly wouldn’t be the last. “Gus,” she whined. “Why do you always have to cock block me?”

Clarke grinned up at Lexa from where she knelt beside Gustus. “Lexa, you don’t have a penis.”

“Maybe not a real one,” Lexa muttered before she turned to gather her things.

Clarke sat on the floor slightly stunned and tried to keep her thoughts innocent. It didn’t work. Instead, she stood up and made her way over Lexa who was faced the dining table. Clarke spun her around by the hips and pressed her against the side of the table. Lexa’s face showed the surprise of Clarke’s close proximity to her. She swallowed hard and Clarke smirked. “Not a real one, huh?” she said in a deep, sultry tone. “Maybe you could show me?” Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck softly. Her lips dragged over the soft skin.

Lexa melted against the table, a pool of desire settled low in her stomach. “Clarke, we have a reservation to get to.” Her protests were weak and Clarke knew it.

“For 6. We could have plenty of time.”

Plenty of time to be interrupted, yes.

The apartment door opened and voices filled the room. Clarke released Lexa from the table and watched as Anya and Raven carried grocery bags inside.

“Twice in one night. I can’t wait to see how many times it will happen before we actually have sex,” Clarke muttered dryly. She pecked Lexa on a flushed cheek and took her hand. “Nice to see the two of you are getting along,” Clarke nodded to the other two women. She met Anya’s gaze, “Not like I didn’t already know that you were, considering the loud sex I was forced to listen to last night.”

Raven rolled her eyes, “Griffin, I had to listen to it from you for months with Finn, so don’t even go there.”

Clarke flushed, remembering how it had been in their honeymoon stage.

Before she could create a retort to that, Raven piped up again, “Actually, it was more him considering how fast of a lay he was.”

Lexa snorted and tried to hide her smile. Clarke caught her before it disappeared though. “Yeah, he wasn’t any good. Most of the noises were fake so just be happy that you didn’t have to listen to your best friend come for hours.” Clarke raised an eyebrow at Anya who smirked proudly. “I want earplugs on my door next time.”

Clarke tugged Lexa out of the apartment before Raven could get another quip about her crappy sex life with Finn, but the topic didn’t get pushed away.

 

Lexa cleared her throat as they walked out of the building and down the street towards the restaurant. “So, Finn?” she asked. Clarke had never mentioned him before.

Clarke sighed. “Yeah. Finn. We were together for almost a year. I really liked him...”

“Until you realized how bad at sex he was?”

Clarke let out a huff of laughter, “No, more like until I realized how many other girls he was having bad sex with.”

“Oh. Clarke, I’m so sorry,” Lexa’s brow furrowed. Clarke didn’t deserve anything but the best. “He’s an idiot to have done that to you.”

Clarke shrugged, her shoulder bumped against Lexa. “It’s in the past. I’m over him. But he was one of the only somewhat serious relationships I had, so it hurt but he wasn’t worth it.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand reassuringly. Clarke squeezed back. They continued to walk to the restaurant in comfortable silence. It wasn’t more than five minutes before they reached the door and Clarke pulled the brass handle open and ushered Lexa inside.

The restaurant was filled with all kinds of different smells. Freshly baked Italian bread and hearty tomato sauce, mixed with sweet, sugary pastries. Lexa had never been in here before but walking past it on the street always caused her stomach to grumble. “It smells so good in here,” she said.

 

Clarke nodded, “It looks nice in here, too. The walls are a burgundy colour, with a dark ceiling. The chairs are covered in black leather, placed around mahogany tables. Candles are in the centre of every table, with two roses in a vase. They went into a lot of trouble to make this place a romantic setting.” Clarke glanced over to Lexa who bit her bottom lip.

“Do you like it?” she asked shyly. “Anya told me it was a good place to have a romantic date and she’s not one for wooing but I wanted to do something special for you and it’s difficult for me to do an entire set up alone so I thought it might be a better idea to-”

Clarke cut her off with a quick kiss, “It’s wonderful, Lexa. Thank you.”

Lexa smiled bashfully, “Anything for you.”

The hostess appeared, “Hi, reservation?” she asked.

“Two for Woods,” Lexa stated.

The hostess gave Lexa a once over. She took in the glasses on Lexa’s face and her nose wrinkled up. Clarke shot her a glare and the wrinkle quickly left. She guided the two of them to the table, told them someone would be with them shortly, and left promptly, lest she piss Clarke off further.

“So the utensils are set up like Anya usually has them, except the water glass is on the left instead of the right, two inches above the forks, in case you want to move it,” Clarke said as she opened up the menu in front of her.

“Thank you,” Lexa said as she moved the glass to the opposite side.

Clarke skimmed the menu over quietly and glanced up to Lexa, whose hands were folded her own. Clarke cleared her throat, “We haven’t shared a meal in public before.”

Lexa’s eyebrow quirked up over her glasses, “I’m aware.” She waited for Clarke to continue. When she was silent, Lexa prodded, “What is it?”

Clarke sighed, “I don’t want to offend you.”

Lexa placed her hand on the table, palm up. She closed her fingers and opened them back up. Clarke pressed her palm into Lexa’s and laced their fingers together. “You’re not going to offend me, Clarke.”

“Okay. Do you want me to read over the menu for you? The wine list? You can’t do it yourself and I just don’t know what I should be doing for you in this situation and what I should be letting you do on your own. Do I order for you? I just,” Clarke rambled quickly as she tried to get it all out. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do, Lex.”

Lexa smiled. She appreciated Clarke’s honesty and initiative to help, “Well first off, I can order myself. If the waiter says something to you about me, like asking what I want or need, you should tell them to ask me themselves. But yes, you can read some of the menu off to me, Clarke, I would appreciate it. We should choose a wine first though.”

Clarke let out a relieved breath and nodded. She picked the wine menu off of the side of the table and let out a low whistle. “Wow there are some expensive wines here.”

“Let’s get the best one,” Lexa said. “That way we can thoroughly enjoy it.”

Clarke smirked, “Is that what you’re going to go with? Are you trying to get me drunk, Lexa Woods?”

Lexa shook her head, “I can do that at home with a couple shots. This wine should be savoured.”

Clarke hummed in agreement, “Red or white then?”

Lexa pondered for a second, “Red. Something sweet but still tart?”

“Should we wait for the waiter to come around to ask for a recommendation?” Clarke asked.

As Lexa nodded her agreement, footsteps clicked across the floor behind her. Clarke heard the waiter approach but didn’t look up from the wine menu.

“Hello, I will be your waiter for this evening.”

Her head shot up at the voice. No.

“Could I start you off with something to drink?”

Finn was giving Lexa the same once over that the hostess had when they walked in the door. Clarke cleared her throat and he looked over to her. His eyes widened and mouth gaped open. Before he could say anything else, Clarke spoke up. “If you would give us a moment to discuss the choices that would be wonderful.” She glared at him until his eyes dropped to their interlocked fingers, back to Lexa’s face, and then her eyes again. The hatred burning in her eyes caused Finn to turn on his heel and leave.

Lexa was confused. “Clarke? We just decided to get a recommendation on the wines.”

“I don’t want any recommendations from _him_.”

“Why? He works here. Surely he knows the wines they serve.”

“He doesn’t have good taste. I already know it.”

“How, Clarke?”

“It’s Finn, Lexa. Finn is our waiter.”

Lexa gaped at Clarke for a moment before she released Clarke’s hand. Clarke frowned. She watched as Lexa placed her phone back into her purse and grabbed her jacket. “We’ll go somewhere else then,” she said with conviction.

Clarke stopped her, “No! We came here to enjoy ourselves, Lexa. I won’t let him ruin it just because he’s here.”

Lexa relaxed back into her chair slightly, jacket still in her hand. “If he is going to make you uncomfortable, it’s not worth it.”

Clarke shook her head, “He won’t, Lex, I promise. That wasn’t the reason I sent him away anyway.” She waited for Lexa to settle back in completely before she spoke again. “He was giving you a look and I didn’t want him to keep doing it.”

“What kind of look?”

“The ‘oh crap, a blind chick’ look.” Clarke said. “The same look I know you can feel when someone gives you. Your shoulders are always so tense when we’re in public.”

“People are going to stare, Clarke. I’ve gotten used to the feeling of constantly being watched. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! They look at you like you’re a beaten dog and it sickens me. The only way they ever stop looking at you like that is when they finally tear their eyes off of you to look at me,” Clarke exclaimed.

Lexa frowned, “Why would they stop after that?”

“Because I’m sending them death glares.”

Lexa chuckled, “Death glares, Clarke?” She placed her hand back on the table and Clarke took it immediately.

“Yeah, death glares. I can’t stand it when people look at you like that, Lexa. It pisses me off.”

Lexa nodded in understanding, “I know it does. Anya used to scream bloody murder at people right after the accident.”

“She was right to. Maybe I should start being more vocal about it.”

Lexa shook her head, “Clarke, honestly, it’s okay. I appreciate the sentiment but a simple death glare will suffice.”

Clarke sighed, “Fine. But if he does it again then I will yell at him.” Lexa nodded once. Clarke moved back to the wine. “So should we just pick a wine and hope for the best? I was serious when I said Finn doesn’t have good taste. He thought three dollar wine was the best he would ever taste.”

Lexa smiled, “Which one sounds good to you?”

Clarke perused the list once more and settled on one in the mid-range of pricing. “Darmagi? It says it has primary flavours of cherry, cassis, and sweet oak. Sweet but tart?” As Clarke finished her sentence, Finn reappeared. His eyes completely overlooked Lexa this time. They made eye contact and Clarke raised an eyebrow at him, like she dared him to say anything about Lexa.

“So, have you decided?” he asked.

Lexa nodded, “We will have a bottle of Darmagi, thank you.”

Finn ignored what Lexa said, eyes still trained on Clarke.

When he didn’t say anything, the glare settled back on her face. “You heard her,” she said in a clipped tone.

“Should she be ordering for you, Clarke?”

Lexa spoke up before she could yell. “I might be blind, but I’m not deaf,” she said bluntly. “I can order a bottle of wine without someone holding my hand.”

Clarke stifled a laugh and looked back to Lexa. Her face was stone, turned up toward Finn.

“Right away then, ma’am,” he huffed out.

Once he was out of earshot, Clarke spoke up again. “Lexa?” she asked softly.

“Yes, Clarke?”

“You can’t order a bottle of wine without someone holding your hand.”

“What?”

Clarke lifted their hands up off of the surface of the table with a laugh.

Lexa shook her head with a sigh and a smile plastered to her face, “You know what I mean, Clarke.”

Clarke brought her hand up to her lips and placed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “I do. But you’re fun to rile up.”

Lexa scoffed, “I am not.”

“You are so. You get so disgruntled and annoyed. Your nose scrunches up and you roll your eyes.”

 

Lexa felt her eyes roll and nose scrunch and forced them back into their relaxed positions. “Quit distracting us from what’s important and read me the menu,” she said.

Clarke picked the menu back up and opened up to the entree section. “So, what are you in the mood for?”

 

* * *

 

The dinner passed with minor altercations between the women and their waiter. He kept his distance for the most part but he continued to demean Lexa throughout the dinner in little quips whenever he came to check on them. Lexa was ready to punch Finn by the end of it, but she tried to relax for Clarke’s sake, just in case Clarke would actually punch him if Lexa showed how much it truly bothered her.

“Here is the cheque. Will it be cash or credit?” Finn asked as he placed the cheque in front of Clarke.

“Cash.” Lexa said, as she held her hand out for the piece of paper. To Clarke, she said, “I asked you out, it’s only fair.” Clarke placed the piece of paper in her hand without protest. She flipped it over and felt the stains of ink with the tips of her fingers before pulling her wallet from her purse. Finn looked stunned.

The bill was just over eighty dollars, so Lexa pulled out a fifty, and two twenty dollar bills. Lexa held it up where Finn would easily be able to take it from her hands. “Keep the change,” she said.

 

Finn should have taken it with a nod, but he didn’t. Instead he pointed at Lexa and turned to Clarke. “You let her keep all of your money like that?”

Clarke scoffed. “She makes more money than I do, Finn. Why don’t you get your head out of your ass and treat her with some respect.”

“Clarke, I can treat you better than she ever could and we both know it,” Finn stated.

Clarke laughed. “Sure, Finn. I’m so sure you could.” She turned to Lexa, then back to Finn, “She’s turned me on more sitting in this restaurant than you ever did in our entire relationship.” Clarke stood from her seat and gathered her things. Lexa set the money on the table, a smirk on her lips, and did the same. “Maybe you should think before you speak.”

 

With that, Lexa pulled Clarke in for a quick kiss before she slipped their hands together and led them out of the restaurant. When they got outside Lexa started to laugh. “What an idiot.” Clarke laughed along with her. “What did you even see in him?”

Clarke groaned, “I have no idea.”

The laughter fell away and the smirk returned to Lexa’s lips. “So,” she started. Clarke hummed in question. “I turn you on?” she asked boldly.

“Of course that would be the one thing you pull from that conversation,” Clarke huffed.

“It’s true, though?”

Clarke nodded, “It’s true.”

“Good to know,” Lexa bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt not to grin. She swung their hands back and forth between them happily.

 

Lexa had drunk a little too much of that wine, Clarke thought. She grinned at Lexa’s antics and pulled her closer. Clarke pressed her nose into her neck and placed a soft kiss on the smooth skin as they walked on the mostly empty street. Clarke felt Lexa’s throat move as she swallowed, along with a swift puff of air from her nose.

 

The kisses were quickly going to Lexa’s head, the same desire building in her stomach like it had before they were interrupted by Anya and Raven. “Clarke,” she breathed out.

Clarke hummed against her neck and the vibration made Lexa shudder.

“You’re supposed to be watching for obstacles.”

Clarke quickly pulled away and looked back to the street, “Oh. Right.” She cleared her throat and looked to Lexa. The previous boldness had been replaced with the same flushed cheeks Clarke had seen in the apartment.

“You can, um, you could do that again later if you want. When we get back to the apartment,” Lexa stuttered.

Clarke squeezed her hand, “Good.” Clarke paused, “So, I turn you on too then?”

Lexa nodded furiously, maybe a bit too eagerly, but she didn’t care, “Yes.”

 

They picked up in speed a little bit after that, both eager to see what was awaiting them in Lexa’s apartment. They hadn’t done much more than makeout against walls and in bed, clothes all in place. Hands might slip against skin, but the encounters were always brief. Neither of them wanted to move too fast. But with the confirmation that the desire they felt was reciprocated, it was easy to tell what this would end up as.

Sex.

Too bad Anya and Raven got there first.

When Lexa wrenched open the door and led Clarke inside, Clarke pulled her right back out and slammed the door closed after a quick, “Oh my God!”

“What?” Lexa asked.

Instead of answering, Clarke shouted through the door, “What happened to no sex on the table, Anya?”

“Those rules are for children, not adults!”

Lexa groaned, “Oh my God. She isn’t.”

“She is. With Raven.” Clarke pulled her back out of the apartment building.

“Where are we going?” Lexa asked.

“My apartment. Let’s just hope Octavia and Lincoln aren’t there doing the same thing.” Clarke said. She pulled Lexa towards her new car but stopped short. She turned to Lexa, “Do you trust me?” she asked.

Lexa nodded, “Of course I do, Clarke.”

“Would you get in my car if I asked you to?”

Lexa paused for a little too long, so Clarke pulled her away from it and marched down the street with more conviction. “Clarke, I’m sorry,” Lexa mumbled sadly.

Clarke caught the frown on Lexa’s face and stopped. “Why are you sorry? There’s no reason to be sorry,” Clarke swept her thumb over Lexa’s cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. “Making out in the back of my car would be uncomfortable, I don’t blame you for saying no.”

“What?”

Clarke pulled back to look at Lexa’s face, “What do you mean, what?”

“I thought you meant to drive to your apartment, not make out in in backseat.”

“Right, that would have made more sense,” Clarke mumbled. “I suppose I’m a little bit eager.”

Lexa shook her head, “Eager is good. But you’re right. Your apartment is likely more comfortable.”

Clarke tugged on her arm lightly. Her voice dropped back into the same sultry timbre from before, “My bed is very comfortable.”

Lexa gulped and walked a bit faster, “How long is the walk?”

 

* * *

 

They burst through the front door of Clarke’s apartment in a fit of giggles, both ready to be against each other once more, without interruption. Clarke opened the door and pulled Lexa past Raven’s empty bedroom, and towards her own when she heard voices coming from Octavia’s bedroom. She went over to the door and knocked on it hard, then shouted, “We might have loud sex so please vacate the premises in the next five minutes.”

Lexa let out huff of laughter, and then a full on laugh after Octavia yelled back, “Ooh get it, Griffin!”

Clarke led Lexa into her bedroom and closed the door before she pressed her up against it, bringing their mouths together in an open mouthed kiss. Her hand met Lexa’s hip, the other wrapped into her hair at the back of her neck. She pulled their bodies together until there was no space between them. Clarke’s hand slipped up under Lexa’s shirt and she felt the abs that Lexa worked hard to produce.

“You have abs,” she panted.

Lexa nodded, recapturing Clarke’s lips before responding, “I do.”

“You’re hot,” Clarke mumbled against her lips. She moved her head down under Lexa’s to get at her neck again, already knowing how much Lexa enjoyed it. Clarke kissed, nipped, and sucked along Lexa’s throat, pulling small moans out of her.

Lexa thoroughly enjoyed what her body was feeling, but her mind started to panic. She placed her hands onto Clarke’s shoulders and pushed her away.

Clarke pulled back immediately, her voice sobered. “What’s wrong?”

Lexa dropped her hands and turned her head down to the ground. “It’s been three years, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed, “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since.”

Clarke paused. “Oh. That’s okay, Lexa.”

“It isn’t.”

Clarke held onto Lexa’s hand and pulled her over to the bed to sit down. They sat in silence for a moment until Clarke spoke again. “Why wouldn’t that be okay?”

Lexa kept her head bowed. The insecurity raged in her mind. “I haven’t had sex since Costia died and I don’t want to disappoint you.” Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s cheek. She continued. “I know you said that you’re eager, and I’m eager but...”

“Just because we’re both eager doesn’t mean we’re both ready,” Clarke finished her thought. Lexa nodded her agreement. Clarke pressed a soft, chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips before standing up and going to her closet. She pulled out clothes for them to sleep in and handed a set to Lexa. “We can take things slow, Lexa. I’d much rather cuddle with you for months until you’re ready than have us move too fast and make you uncomfortable. There are many other ways to be intimate than to have sex.” Clarke placed another sweet kiss on her lips before she turned to leave the room to change.

“Wait,” Lexa tugged on her hand. Clarke turned back around to see her place the clothes onto the side of the bed. “Just because I’m not ready for sex doesn’t mean I’m uncomfortable with my body.” Clarke quirked an eyebrow. “I sleep much better in nothing but a pair of underwear,” Lexa admitted with a small smile. “If you’re okay with that.”

Clarke picked up the pajamas and tossed them toward the closet. They landed with a loud thump on top of something else, and Clarke grinned at Lexa. “I am more than okay with that.”


	11. Whining and Cuddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa huffed, “I didn’t want you to get sick.”  
> “I haven’t been sick since 2005.”  
> “I have a feeling that you are exaggerating.”  
> “I’m not. You could even ask my mom if you wanted to.”  
> “Where’s your phone? Go get it and I’ll call and ask her right now.”
> 
> or;   
> There's a cold going around.

“We’re literally going to die being in here. Can we leave?”

Clarke sighed. The pen in her hand moved quickly across the paper before she thrust it into the hand of a passing nurse. “We aren’t going to die, Octavia. Why are you being so dramatic? It’s just a cold going around.”

A group of sniffling and coughing people paused and Octavia cringed into Clarke’s side. Once they passed, Clarke pushed her away. Octavia glared at her, “We don’t all have immune systems that deflect every single disease in the world like you do.”

A smug smile graced Clarke’s lips. It had easily been ten years since she had come down with anything more than a slight fever. “Maybe you should have eaten more dirt as a kid then.”

“Did you actually just say that?” Octavia asked. “That’s hardly an insult to me. It’s more of an insult to your own intelligence.”

Clarke rolled her eyes as they stepped through the doors of the hospital. Her phone buzzed in the right pocket of her jacket. She didn’t even get any pleasantries out before Anya spoke.

“You need to get over here as soon as possible.”

“What? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, your girlfriend is being whiny.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” _Not yet_ , Clarke thought. Octavia looked over at her, annoyed. She mouthed something at Clarke before making kissy faces and drawing hearts in the air. Clarke shoved Octavia’s hands away from her face.

“I’m sick and tired of her complaining. She’s being overly dramatic,” Anya said.

 “Why is she complaining, Anya? She never complains about anything.”

“Somehow she’s caught that dumb cold going around within eight hours of you being gone, without having left the apartment.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Well she must have caught it last night in the restaurant, it didn’t just come out of nowhere.”

Anya sighed into the phone, “Just come take care of her, please? She won’t listen to anything I tell her to do.”

Before Clarke could say anything else, Anya hung up the phone. She sighed and turned to Octavia, “Are you okay not working overtime today? Lexa’s sick with the cold.”

Octavia nodded fiercely, “Any excuse to not walk into another infested hospital today is appreciated.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke figured Anya exaggerated greatly about Lexa’s illness and complaints just so that someone with a real medical background would come take care of her. Clarke was more than happy to do it.

But when she arrived back at Lexa’s apartment, supplies in each hand, she realized that Anya was not exaggerating.

Lexa was curled up in a ball on the couch, shaking and sweating bullets. Her face was pale in comparison to Clarke’s own complexion, which was a few shades lighter than Lexa’s normal skin tone.

“Anya!” Clarke yelled as she walked into the apartment. “What the hell?”

Anya walked into the kitchen, a bag in her hand that looked suspiciously like an overnight bag. “Good, you’re here. I’m leaving.”

“Why haven’t you been taking care of her?” Clarke exclaimed.

Anya scoffed, “It hasn’t been for lack of trying. She won’t drink anything I give her, eat anything I make, or get up and shower despite me telling her how much better she will feel. Good luck.” She walked swiftly out of the apartment before Clarke could even open her mouth.

Clarke set the bags on the counter in the kitchen and pulled out the cold medicine, Gatorade, crackers, an orange, and a small container of yogurt. She gathered the items in her arms and walked into the living room. Lexa still hadn’t moved since she got inside the apartment.

Clarke set everything down and crouched in front of Lexa. “Hey,” she said softly. “Lex, wake up.”

Lexa roused slowly from her fitful sleep, “Clarke? What are you doing home from work so soon?”

Clarke’s stomach exploded in butterflies at Lexa referencing her apartment as home for Clarke. They hadn’t discussed anything like that, hell, they hadn’t even discussed being a couple explicitly. Now was not the time though, so Clarke pushed it away for later.

“Anya called me. She said you were sick and needed to be taken care of, so I came over.”

“No.”

“No?” Clarke asked incredulously. “What do you mean, no?”

“I don’t want you to take care of me,” Lexa said defiantly.

“Well tough shit.”

“Clarke,” Lexa whined. Anya was right about the whining part. But it was endearing to Clarke. “You’ll get sick too if you do. I don’t want you to be sick.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and grabbed the cold medicine from the table. “I work around sick people constantly. And I have the immune system of an alligator. I haven’t been sick in years.” Clarke poured a cap full of the cold medicine. “Sit up.”

Lexa did what she was told without complaint but her nose scrunched cutely as she moved from the fetal position. Clarke brought the cap to Lexa’s chapped lips and dumped the purple liquid into her mouth. Lexa coughed lightly and shuddered at the taste before speaking, “What does an alligator have to do with anything?” she asked.

Clarke shrugged, “They have extremely strong immune systems. Don’t ask how I know that because I can’t remember.” Clarke reached to get the Gatorade and twisted the lid off. She placed it gently between Lexa’s hands. “Now drink. You need fluids and electrolytes.”

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa huffed before taking a small sip.

“And you’re going to eat an orange, some yogurt, a couple of crackers, and then take a shower.”

“Clarke,” the whine in Lexa’s voice was more apparent this time. “I’m not hungry and I don’t want to move.”

“Tough shit, Lexa. You need to eat or you won’t feel better.” Clarke peeled the skin off of the orange. “I can bring the shower to you though, if you’re feeling too achy to stand in the shower.”

Lexa sipped from the bottle in her hands again. “How are you going to do that?”

Clarke shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve given a ton of sponge baths before, and I can do it again.” Lexa almost choked on the liquid in her mouth and Clarke caught the noise before Lexa could cover it up. “If that’s okay with you, that is,” she said quickly. The last thing she wanted was to make Lexa uncomfortable.

Lexa nodded slowly. “I would be okay with it.” She breathed raggedly in through her nose, “That orange smells good.”

Clarke smiled up at her from her place on the floor. “It’ll make you feel better.” She placed an orange segment at Lexa’s closed lips and watched as she licked at the bottom of it to tug it into her mouth.

Lexa hummed quietly as she chewed. When she opened her mouth again with a small, “Om,” Clarke giggled and put another one between her lips. Clarke got through feeding her half of the orange before she sat down on the couch beside Lexa, the yogurt cup and spoon in hand.

“Yogurt now?” she asked as she opened the lid of the cup. When Lexa nodded, she stirred the yogurt, gathered a small spoonful, and fed it to her slowly. Clarke repeated the movement, stealing a couple of spoons for herself in between, until the yogurt was gone.

Lexa drank the rest of the Gatorade with more promise now. “Bath?” she asked, already sounding a little bit less distressed at her illness.

“Of course,” Clarke pressed her lips to her forehead, feeling the heat. “Your fever should go down soon, once the medicine takes effect,” she murmured against hot skin. “I’ll go draw the bath, stay here.” Lexa nodded and relaxed into the back of the couch.

Clarke grabbed the eucalyptus bath items she picked up on her way over and moved into Lexa’s bathroom. With a plug in the drain, she turned the faucet to begin letting the water out. After checking the temperature, she poured in a couple caps of the bubble bath. Once the bath water had filled the tub enough that it would cover Lexa sufficiently without spilling over the side, Clarke called out to her. Lexa appeared in the doorway soon after.

“What did you put in the bath?” Lexa asked as she crossed the threshold. “My sinuses are clearing up already.”

“It’s eucalyptus. It has a lot of healing properties but mostly it will help make you feel more energized.” Clarke pulled Lexa into the bathroom further and closed the door. They stood there for a moment before Clarke turned around to face the door. “Oh, um, I won’t look as you get in.”

Lexa chuckled, “We shared a bed pretty much naked last night, Clarke. I trust you.”

Clarke turned back around. “I just didn’t want to assume.”

Lexa nodded and pulled her shirt over her head. It was drenched in cold sweat and Lexa shivered as it dropped to the floor. She dropped her sweatpants on top of the shirt, standing in her bra and panties. Her fingers fumbled with her bra strap until, “Could you?” she asked Clarke quietly.

Clarke nodded and stood behind Lexa. She pulled the hooks out and slowly pushed the straps off of Lexa’s shoulders. Another shiver went through her body as Clarke’s fingers drifted over her skin. Lexa then hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her underwear and let them fall to the floor. Clarke willed herself not to stare but when Lexa stepped out of them and into the tub, she couldn’t help how her eyes moved to look at Lexa’s body. Clarke swallowed hard and sat on the edge of the tub as Lexa settled in the warm water. Lexa sighed contentedly.

“Feel good?” Clarke asked.

“So good,” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke cleared her throat. She reached out to the cupboard beside her and pulled a cloth out from the small stack. Clarke rolled her sleeves up on her shirt and got the cloth wet in the water. She brushed the brown curls from Lexa’s back and dragged the cloth over her shoulders, rubbing the sweat from her skin. Lexa’s eyes closed and her breathing evened out. Clarke dipped the cloth under the water to get it wet again and did the same for both of Lexa’s arms before she stopped. Lexa grumbled softly when Clarke placed it in her hand. “Keep going on the rest of you. I’ll wash your hair.”

Lexa nodded and moved the cloth under the water and out of Clarke’s sight. Clarke stretched up to unhook the shower head from the top of the shower and turned on the stream of water. She tested the temperature in comparison to the bath water and once it was perfect, Clarke wet Lexa’s hair. She grabbed some shampoo from the shelves and noticed the braille bumps on the lid. “Do you have a label for everything?” Clarke asked as she squeezed a quarter sized amount into her palm. She lathered the shampoo in her hands before putting them on top of Lexa’s head. Clarke gently scratched against her scalp and felt a nod.

“Almost everything, yes. The bottles need labels so I know which is shampoo and which is conditioner.” Lexa sighed and relaxed into Clarke’s hands.

They sit in silence, the only sound being the rushing water from the shower head when Clarke rinsed the suds from Lexa’s hair. She repeated similar motions with the conditioner. Clarke ran her fingers through the tendrils slowly, untangling knots as she went. After she rinsed the conditioner from the last of her hair, Clarke rubbed at Lexa’s shoulders. “You’re rather tense.”

Lexa moaned when Clarke hit a particularly sore spot. “I was on the couch like that all day.”

That sparked another idea in Clarke. She patted Lexa’s shoulder twice before standing from the edge of the tub. “Come on then. Get up, the water is getting cold now anyway.” Clarke grabbed a towel from the bar and held it open.

Lexa deposited the cloth on the side of the tub, ringing out as much as she could first. She stood up and Clarke tried not to look once again but her eyes had other ideas. Lexa wrapped the ends of the towel around her body and tucked the corner into the cleavage created by the towel to hold it up. Clarke wrapped her hair in the other towel and squeezed it lightly to dry it. After a few moments, Clarke pulled the towel off of her head and moved Lexa to sit down on the toilet seat. Clarke rustled through a drawer in the cupboard until she found a comb. Clarke combed through the wet curls slowly as to not jar Lexa’s head at all.

She worked through Lexa’s hair quickly, getting rid of any and all tangles and knots created from washing. “Done,” Clarke said as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She bent down, gathered the clothes from the floor and threw them into a laundry basket in the corner before unplugging the drain in the tub. She wiped her hands on the towel on the bar and turned back to Lexa. Clarke took her hand and pulled her up before leading her into the bedroom. “Take the towel off and lay face down in the bed, the blankets pulled up over your hips,” she directed. Before Lexa could ask why, Clarke disappeared back into the kitchen.

When Clarke returned, Lexa had done what she asked. Her bare back was exposed to the air and goosebumps had formed on her skin. Her arms were underneath the pillow that her head rested on. Clarke smiled at the content look on Lexa’s face. “Are we feeling better?” she asked, a slight tease to her voice. “Now that we listened to Clarke.”

Lexa huffed, “I didn’t want you to get sick.”

“I haven’t been sick since 2005.”

“I have a feeling that you are exaggerating.”

“I’m not. You could even ask my mom if you wanted to.”

“Where’s your phone? Go get it and I’ll call and ask her right now.”

Clarke laughed, “I’ll get right on that.” She edged herself on the bed until she straddled Lexa’s hips.

Lexa turned her head around a little bit, “What are you doing?”

“You’ll see.”

“Clarke,” Lexa gasped as Clarke’s hands met her back. There was lotion on her hands. “That’s cold,” she shivered under Clarke’s touch and tensed up further.

“It will warm up, I promise. Try to relax, okay? I’m trying to release all the tension in your back, not add more.”

It took a while but Lexa did relax finally. Clarke rubbed the knots out of her back as tenderly as she did in Lexa’s hair. Clarke started at her shoulders and once they dropped back down to their natural position, she moved her hands lower to get at the middle of Lexa’s back. The centre of her back was more willing to relax under coaxing.

Clarke smoothed the soft skin under her fingertips and moved to Lexa’s lower back. It was just about as tense as her shoulders were. Lexa moaned quietly, “That feels so good.”

“I have magic hands,” Clarke teased. She pushed and prodded at the muscles for several minutes before she shifted over to the other side. It caused more moans to spill from Lexa’s lips. She fell quiet again soon enough and Clarke slowly explored the expanse of her back when the tension was gone from Lexa’s back. Her fingers skimmed softly over the now warm skin for a few minutes. Once Clarke felt she had touched enough to be able to keep her hands to herself for a while, she carefully moved off of her spot over Lexa’s hips and lay down beside her. Lexa faced Clarke and her eyes were closed. “Feel all better now?” Clarke asked.

Lexa didn’t answer because she was fast asleep. Clarke chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She rolled out of the bed, quietly removing her clothes and climbing back into the bed. Clarke pulled the blankets up over their bodies and put her hand on the small of Lexa’s back. “Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

* * *

 

Two days had passed since Clarke came over to take care of Lexa. Lexa was finally getting rid of the last of the sickness inside of her when Clarke came stumbling into the apartment after work. She sat down next to Lexa on the couch with a loud moan and curled into a ball, all too similarly to how Lexa had been found.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, slightly amused.

“Shut up. Don’t want to hear it.”

Lexa huffed out a laugh and took the headset off. She shut the top of her laptop and placed it on the table in front of her. “What happened to not getting sick?” Lexa asked teasingly.

“What happened to shutting up?” Clarke grumbled.

Lexa snickered and put her hand on Clarke’s head. “I was going to take care of you like you did for me, but now I don’t know.”

Clarke sighed, “If you could make me soup, I would be forever grateful.”

Lexa nodded and leaned over to place a kiss on Clarke’s forehead. “Go shower and take some of the medicine, it’s in the cabinet above the sink.”

“Where’s my bath? I gave you a bath,” Clarke pouted.

“I would probably get soap in your eyes,” Lexa admitted. “Otherwise I would.”

Clarke stood with Lexa and enveloped her in a hug. Lexa’s arms slid around her back. “Thanks, Lex.”

“Go get clean, you’ll feel better,” Lexa rubbed at Clarke’s back before releasing her. Clarke shuffled over into Lexa’s bathroom, closed the door and started the shower.

Lexa pulled a homemade chicken stock cube from the freezer and placed it in a pot. She turned the element onto medium heat and began to chop up a few carrots to put into it. Once the cube turned to liquid, she dropped the carrots into the stock and put a lid on it. It wouldn’t take long for the carrots to soften up. Lexa got out the crackers Clarke had brought over and put a few into a container.

After about fifteen minutes, Lexa heard the water shut off and the door to the bathroom open. Clarke moved through her room opening drawers, likely finding something to change into before she appeared behind Lexa in the kitchen. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and rested her head on her shoulder. Lexa sunk into the embrace with a quiet sigh. They stayed standing in the kitchen like that until Clarke placed a few kisses on Lexa’s neck and pulled away. “Soup?” she asked.

Lexa nodded and pulled two bowls from out of the second cupboard on the left, finding it easily by the braille stickers. She ladled a small portion out for the both of them and led Clarke over to the table where the crackers were to eat.

“Feeling better after your shower?” Lexa asked.

Clarke sipped at the broth and crunched on a cracker, “Much better already, thank you.”

They made small talk about their days before Clarke began to yawn. “I’m going to go to bed, join me later?”

Lexa nodded, “Of course. I’m just going to finish up with the last of my work notes and I’ll be in.”

Clarke placed a kiss on Lexa’s cheek and brought the dishes into the kitchen. Lexa sat back down on the couch, headset resting on her head again. She had been speaking quietly into her microphone for about half an hour when Clarke came out of the bedroom.

“Can’t sleep?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Not without you there,” Clarke said. She curled up beside Lexa and placed her head on her shoulder. “Don’t let me keep you from working, though. I like listening to your voice.”

Lexa felt heat rush up her chest and continued to get through the thoughts in her head. Clarke’s breath evened out as she finished up the last of her words, but Lexa could tell that she wasn’t asleep. She shut her laptop again and removed the headset. “What’s on your mind, Clarke?” Lexa asked as she pulled Clarke in closer to her.

“Be my girlfriend,” Clarke blurted out. “I want you to be my girlfriend, Lexa. Will you?”

Lexa grinned and bit her bottom lip in an attempt to keep it from growing too large. “Of course, Clarke. I would love to be your girlfriend.”

“Good. I’m glad. It would have been embarrassing for me to keep leeching your heat if you had said no.”

Lexa let out a bark of laughter and Clarke smiled up at her. “No kissing until you’re better though, I don’t want to get sick again.”

Clarke sighed dramatically. “Fine,” she whined, dragging out the word.

Lexa rolled her eyes before cupping Clarke’s cheeks. She pressed a chaste kiss against her lips. “Good enough?”

“For now,” Clarke said, curling back into Lexa.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY THEY'RE OFFICIALLY TOGETHER!! Look at my sweet domestic babies!!  
> Honestly I had nothing for this chapter planned except fluff and Clarke wanting to continue leeching Lexa's heat after she asked so kudos to me for managing 3.5k words around a single sentence of dialogue.   
> Hope you liked it!


	12. The Second Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well look who it is,” Octavia said as she got to the window. “The woman who my roommate won’t stop screaming with,” she looked pointedly at Anya, who smirked, and then turned to Lexa, “and the other woman who won’t let my partner get to work on time.”  
> Lexa turned to look at Octavia sheepishly, “I’m sorry?” 
> 
> or;  
> There's another dinner party that the gang goes to and things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fandom has literally no chill and I blame the entire fandom for the long wait for this chapter because of the sinning that has occurred. You will be happy to know that this chapter is 8k long and has a nice surprise at the end. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Lexa woke up slowly, like she had been the last month. A small yawn slipped from between her lips. She stretched out her curled legs carefully, bumping skin against skin. Clarke’s skin. The warmth of Clarke radiated out and made her want to pull back into that warm spot she had created, curled up beside Clarke’s mostly naked body. But it was morning. Clarke’s phone would soon go off like it did every morning, sans the weekend, for her to go to work. She regretfully pulled the covers back enough to slip out of bed without waking up Clarke. Clarke was not a morning person, which Lexa had learned very quickly.

They had been sleeping in Lexa’s bed together every night since they made their relationship official. It was just an unspoken agreement between the two of them that they were to be beside each other at every chance they got. Lexa loved every second of it. That included the grumpy Clarke she got to deal with every morning when Lexa inevitably couldn’t wait for the alarm to go off because Lexa needed something.

Lexa needed good morning kisses.

Lexa tiptoed around her bedroom to find Clarke’s uniform button down that had been left on the back of the desk chair. She slipped it over her bare torso, buttoned two middle buttons to keep it shut, before she made her way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

Clarke was always much happier to be woken up when there was coffee.

Lexa played with the collar of the uniform shirt as she waited for the coffee to brew. The aroma of the coffee filled the air and it was delightful, but it wasn’t nearly as good as the way Clarke’s shirt smelled. The clean laundry detergent and a hint of Clarke’s perfume bursting from the seams was better than anything except the source itself. Lexa would drown herself in the smell forever if she could. For now, Lexa revelled in smell, knowing that it would soon be back on its owner as she left for work.

The coffee maker beeped and Lexa pulled two mugs down from the cupboard. She fixed Clarke’s coffee the way she liked it, two sugars and just a touch of milk, and walked quietly back into her bedroom.

Lexa could still hear Clarke’s light snores when she set the mugs down on her desk. She crept around to her side of the bed and lifted the blankets to sneak back under. Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke’s bare waist, fingers skimmed across the expanse of soft skin. She grazed her fingers atop Clarke’s body until the snoring stopped.

Clarke groaned softly and turned over to face Lexa. She pulled Lexa’s hand from her stomach and instead placed it on the swell of her breast. “That tickles,” she whispered, voice husky from lack of use.

Lexa flushed at the sound of her voice, much like she did every morning. “So you want me to grope you instead?” Lexa asked as her fingers tapped against the bare skin of Clarke’s chest.

“Well, I wouldn’t be opposed.” Her grin was apparent to Lexa despite not being able to see it herself. “Good morning,” Clarke said as she pulled Lexa in for a kiss.

Lexa hummed and put a bit of force into it. It lasted for a beat before she pulled away, not wanting to distract Clarke from getting ready for work. “Coffee is on the desk.”

Clarke groaned again, louder this time, and curled into Lexa’s body. “No. I don’t want to get up.”

Lexa huffed a laugh and brought her hand up to Clarke’s shoulder. Her fingers tapped out an old but familiar pattern repeatedly. “But you have to.”

“Can’t I just stay home with you?” Clarke asked with a pout.

“You could, but then people would be out there, waiting for their hero to come to their rescue forever.”

Clarke scoffed, “As if someone else wouldn’t be there in thirty more seconds.”

“You like your job,” Lexa said. She pressed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead.

 

“But I like you more,” Clarke rasped. She moved from her place beside Lexa to straddle her. Clarke tugged on her own shirt, “Why are you wearing this?”

“I can’t just walk around the apartment half naked.”

Clarke smirked down at her, “Yes you can.” She quickly made work of the buttons before Clarke pushed the shirt aside. She leaned down, pressing her chest against Lexa’s. The quiet gasp Lexa let out was more than enough for Clarke to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

Again, sadly, it didn’t last long.

Lexa pulled back, head squashed into the pillow, “You have to go to work.”

Clarke rested her head in the crook of Lexa’s shoulders. She placed gentle kisses on her neck, collarbone, and the curve of her shoulder. “I know,” she sighed after the final kiss. Clarke climbed off of Lexa and picked up the two mugs. The steam rushed over the tops of the mugs, still warm despite being almost forgotten. Clarke bumped Lexa’s mug against the back of her hand until Lexa took it from her. Clarke took a large sip from the cup, a rumble released from the back of her throat at the taste. “Thank you for the coffee,” she hummed.

“You’re welcome, Clarke.” Lexa sipped at her own.

They sat in content silence with one another, just like every morning for the past month. Their days together had been sweet and domestic. Lexa cooked dinner for Clarke when she got home from working twelve hours. Clarke would curl up on the couch with her afterwards as Lexa continued to put finishing touches on her work. The sound of Lexa’s soft words always lulled her to sleep. Lexa would pull her up from the couch after her brief nap to take her to the bedroom. Clarke would protest, but Lexa insisted it would be much more comfortable. They undressed and collapsed in the bed together, legs tangled together, chaste kisses on smooth lips.

But Friday night might be a bit different.

“So,” Clarke said. Lexa’s attention was on her again. “My parents are throwing a party on Friday night. It’s my dad’s fiftieth birthday. Did you maybe want to go with me?” Clarke fiddled with the handle of the mug while she waited for Lexa to respond.

“You want me to meet your parents?” Lexa asked shyly.

Clarke pressed a kiss to her cheek, “Of course I do. You’re my girlfriend, and I want to show you off.”

Lexa snorted. “Oh, I see how it is,” she teased. “I’m just eye candy.”

Clarke giggled, “You know what I mean.” She paused to take another large sip of coffee. “Will you though? Go with me? It won’t be a huge party, just the gang and some of their friends. I’m sure Raven will be bringing Anya and Octavia will be bringing Lincoln. Oh, and Bellamy will be there, too. Octavia’s older brother. He’s been travelling abroad but he’s going to be visiting this weekend, so you can meet him. When we were kids he was always watching over us. He’s like the older brother I never had.”

Lexa nodded, “I’ll go with you, Clarke. It sounds like a fun night.”

“Yay!” Clarke let out a quick squeal of excitement and kissed Lexa. She pulled away after a moment. “I need to get ready for work.”

“You do.”

Clarke smirked, “Which means I need my shirt.” She slipped her hands under the shirt, brushing Lexa’s shoulders in the process. Clarke bent at the waist and peppered kisses along the bare skin of Lexa’s chest. She felt more than heard the rumble of moans deep inside Lexa.

Her hands laced through Clarke’s messy tousle of blonde hair, holding her in place on a particularly sensitive spot just under the edge of her rib cage. “Clarke,” she rasped. “You’re getting distracted.”

Clarke sighed against the soft, warm skin, and placed a final kiss to the sensitive spot on Lexa’s torso. “Fine. But I’m coming back to that spot someday.” She rose back to face Lexa and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “And other places.”

Lexa shivered, “Might be closer than you anticipate.” She let out a shaky breath and pulled Clarke into her, kissing her deeply. All too soon though, they released each other.

Octavia would kill Clarke if she was late for the fourth time in a row this week.

(Lexa worried that her own life might also be on the line, considering _she_ was the reason Clarke was being consistently late in the past month.

Despite not having sex yet, they always seemed to get handsy with each other.)

Clarke dressed quickly after seeing how late she already was. She pecked Lexa on the lips once more before sprinting out of the apartment to her car. Octavia called her in the same moment that she pulled the door open.

“Yes, I’m on my way. And no, I’m not lying this time, I’m actually in my car,” Clarke said into the phone, without exchanging pleasantries. “Listen.” She turned the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. “See? I’m coming, so chill.”

“How do I know you didn’t just put the phone up to some recording of a car starting to throw me off? I bet you’re still in bed with her.”

Clarke pulled out of the parking space and onto the road. A cyclist passed quickly and Clarke missed seeing them in her blind spot. She heard a loud, “Watch it, you moron!”

Octavia laughed in her ear, “Okay, now I know you’re actually on your way. Only you almost hit bikers.”

“He was in my blind spot!” Clarke yelled back before throwing her phone down into the passenger seat.

 

* * *

 

“Lexa, get out here!”

Lexa pulled her headset from her head. “Why?” she shouted back.

“We’re going shopping,” Anya yelled.

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed. She stood from her chair and made her way out of her bedroom. “What for? I don’t need anything new.”

“The Griffin’s party. You need something semi-formal for it.” Lexa heard the sound of the fridge door closing and walked into the kitchen. “Clarke didn’t mention that to you this morning?”

Lexa shook her head and leaned against the side of the counter. “She was late for work, probably slipped her mind.”

“Late for work again? You two really just need to fuck so she can finally be on time.”

Heat fluttered up into Lexa’s chest and onto her face. “I’m working on it,” she muttered.

“Right.” Anya paused. “So, shopping then. We’re going to go to Grounders.”

Lexa sighed, “Anya, Grounders is on the other side of the city. It will take us two hours to get there by subway and then another half hour to walk the rest of the way.” She stood up straight from where she leaned and opened the fridge door for a bottle of water.

The bottle of water in Anya’s hand was set down on the counter. “We’re not going to go by subway. We’re going to drive.”

Lexa froze in place. The fridge buzzed in complaint at being left open and she quickly shut the door. “No.”

Anya sighed. “Lex,” she started. Lexa cut her off.

“No, Anya, I’m not getting into a cab.”

“I would be driving.”

“I’m not getting into a _car_. I haven’t been in one since.”

“How are you going to get to the party then? The house is in Fairfield. No subway or train is going to get you out to the house.”

Lexa pulled a shaky breath into her lungs. She hadn’t thought about that. The anxiety in her brain began to manifest itself on her body. Sweat on her forehead, knees shaking. Lexa walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, Anya on her heels. She sat on the couch and sighed. “I didn’t know they lived so far away.”

“I thought that it might be helpful if we drove before you had to drive out there. Maybe get rid of some of the lingering anxiety,” Anya said softly. She took Lexa’s hand in her own and rubbed her thumb across the back of her knuckles. “You trust Clarke and I to drive safely, don’t you?”

“You both got into an accident a month ago!”

“Which was at fault of another driver.”

“Yeah, and he was an intoxicated moron. I don’t trust their driving. He could have killed you both, Anya.”

“But he didn’t and for that I’m sure he’s grateful. Vehicular manslaughter is not on his record with that DUI.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Comforting for him.”

Anya relaxed into the back of the couch. “You could just call Clarke. Tell her you can’t go to the party and it will be fine. I’m sure she could bring her parents around her to meet you.”

Lexa contemplated the suggestion. It would make this moment less stressful. But did she really want to spend the rest of her life in this small area of New York just because she couldn’t get into a car?

Anya sat quietly next to Lexa. The wheels turned in her brain slowly before Lexa shook her head. “No. I have to go. She will be disappointed if I don’t go,” Lexa said after a few minutes of silence.

“Good, I’m glad you decided.” Anya stood up from the couch and grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter. The jingle of the metal signalling to Lexa to stand as well. “I really didn’t want to have to drag you out to my car, kicking and screaming.”

“Anya!”

“What?” Lexa turned her head towards Anya, a ‘what the fuck’ look plastered on her face. “Oh come on, don’t give me that look. I’m not letting you sit in this apartment for the rest of your life. The second I found out where the house was I knew I would need to make you go. It’s just better than you decided yourself rather than me upsetting you.”

Lexa shook her head. “You’re so manipulative.”

“I prefer calculating or devious, but whatever floats your boat."

 

* * *

 

The car ride was less than pleasant for Lexa.

“You need to tell me what’s going on out there,” she said as she clutched at the armrests.

Anya sighed, “It’s going to stress you out more if I have to talk to you about what is going on.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Anya glanced over at her best friend. Her face was pale, sweat still covering her forehead, knuckles white from how hard they gripped the end of the arm rests. “There’s been an accident. It’s New York, Lexa. There are accidents all over the place, all the time. Traffic is backed up a little bit.”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this.”

“We’re not the ones in the accident, are we?”

“We could have been.”

“But we aren’t.”

Lexa sighed, “I know we aren’t.”

Anya nodded and faced the road again as traffic crept forward. “So relax. It’s not likely that we’ll get in an accident if traffic is moving at a snail’s pace.”

A horn honked loudly from beside Lexa and she jumped. “Doesn’t make this any easier.”

As the car drove slowly forward, Anya got a glimpse of the accident. It was minor, just a fender bender situation. There were two police cars and an ambulance parked around the two cars. At the sight of two women leaning against the large vehicle, she grinned. “Small world,” she muttered.

“What?” Lexa asked. “What do you mean small world?”

“Roll down your window.”

“Why?”

Anya sighed, “Why do need to question everything? Just do it and I can promise it’ll be worth your while.” Lexa’s fingers felt around on the side of the car door for the window button and pressed it down. The smell of smog filled the car and Anya’s nose twitched. “Now yell, ‘Hello’.”

Lexa turned to Anya, “Why would I do that?”

Anya groaned, “Do you ever do anything on impulse?” She leaned over to Lexa’s side of the car and cleared her throat. “Hi, Clarke!”

Lexa perked up immediately, “Clarke is out there? Why is Clarke out there?”

Anya rolled her eyes, “There was an accident. Your number one hero saves people for a living.” Clarke and Octavia were looking around for the voice but couldn’t find the source. Anya’s car was two lanes to the left of the parked vehicles and slightly behind. The lanes of traffic were all stopped as the cars waited for lights to change ahead of them. “Stick your hand out the window and wave if you won’t yell.”

Lexa cautiously put her hand out of the window and waved. Anya watched as Octavia pointed to Lexa’s hand. The two looked through the lanes of traffic before maneuvering through the parked cars quickly.

“Well look who it is,” Octavia said as she got to the window. “The woman who my roommate won’t stop screaming with,” she looked pointedly at Anya, who smirked, and then turned to Lexa, “and the other woman who won’t let my partner get to work on time.”

Lexa turned to look at Octavia sheepishly, “I’m sorry?”

Clarke got to the window and bent over at the waist, pushing her torso inside of the car. “I’m not.” She carefully took Lexa’s face in her hands and kissed her firmly on the lips.

“Ew, not in my car.”

“Lesbians. Can’t keep their filthy hands off each other.”

Clarke pulled back and faced Octavia, “I’m bisexual, thank you very much.” She turned back to Lexa, “Hi, babe.”

Lexa grinned back at Clarke, “Hello, Clarke.”

“Still so formal. Is that going to die off once you two finally get laid?” Octavia asked nonchalantly.

“I doubt it will, but Lexa could still surprise us all,” Anya responded.

“I don’t think Octavia was talking to you, Anya,” Clarke said.

“I don’t think Octavia cares that I answered her very good question.”

“I don’t. Raven is always in a good mood now that she’s getting laid regularly,” Octavia nodded once at Anya, “Thank you, Anya.” She turned back to her partner. “It would be nice if your tension would be relieved, Clarke.”

“I’m working on it,” Lexa answered, her cheeks flushed at speaking up.

Clarke bit her bottom lip. “She’s working on it, O.”

“Alright, lovebirds, enough. Traffic is moving, we need to get going. We have party dresses to buy,” Anya quipped.

Clarke leaned in to press one more kiss to Lexa’s lips. A honk sounded from behind them and Clarke pulled away. The car honked again, twice in quick succession. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going, relax!” Clarke yelled. “I’ll be home soon, Lexa!” Clarke jogged through the lanes of traffic back to the ambulance.

“Bye!”

“You’re so lovesick, it’s disgusting.”

“Shut up and drive, Anya.”

 

* * *

 

The dress shopping was also less than pleasant for Lexa.

Nothing was good enough for her. It was mostly due to the fact that she couldn’t see what she actually looked like in anything, but also because Anya was picking out the worst dresses.

“Anya, I can guarantee that this one is not flattering at all.”

“You can’t guarantee shit. You haven’t even tried it on yet.”

“And I won’t be.”

Anya sighed from two racks away. “You don’t want any of the longer ones, none of the shorter ones, nothing with skinny straps, nothing with thick straps. You’re too picky. It’s just a dress.” The clinking of metal on metal as Anya put down each of her choices was all Lexa heard for a while. “What about one with sleeves?”

“Sleeves? What kind of sleeves?” Lexa asked.

“Lace sleeves. Goes up the shoulders but it has a V-shaped back down to the lower back. The skirt is short and plain, probably about mid-thigh on you. Similar to a pencil skirt.”

“And the neckline?”

“It’s straight across lace in the front.”

“What colour is it?”

“Black, like every other dress you have ever owned.”

Lexa rolled her eyes behind her glasses. “I’ll try it.”

Anya might not have the worst taste in dresses. “It fits well,” Anya said, looking Lexa up and down. The skirt was tight around Lexa’s slim curves and the lace front showed enough skin but covered the important parts with a nude outline around the breasts. The back showed off delicate skin and rippling muscles as Lexa turned around for Anya. “Clarke is going to go nuts looking at you in this dress.”

“I wish I could go nuts over what she looks like,” Lexa muttered.

Anya sighed, “I will describe her to you in the most erotic way possible, if that is what it takes for you to finally get laid.”

Lexa flushed, “You don’t need to go into extreme detail, Anya.”

“Is that you admitting to finally wanting to be with her?” Anya questioned.

Lexa bit her lip to hide a smile but walked back into the dressing room to take off the dress.

“I’m going to take that as a yes!”

 

* * *

 

“Clarke, just put it on.”

“Raven, this is such a bad idea.”

“Octavia, back me up on this.”

“Listen to Raven, Clarke.”

The lingerie set fell onto the bed once again. Clarke sighed, “This is too much.”

“It’s the perfect amount of sexy and sultry, Clarke. Just put it on,” Raven said, punctuated with an eye roll.

Clarke crossed her arms over her robe-clad chest. “I just feel like this is going to be too much. I know that Lexa is ready. I mean, she still hasn’t said it explicitly, but yesterday morning she mentioned it.”

Octavia sighed from the other room loud enough for the other two women to hear her dramatics begin. “Just put the damn lace on your tits, Clarke!”

Raven snorted, “What she said, Griffin.”

“You promise it isn’t being too optimistic?”

Octavia bounced into the room on her toes. “Being too optimistic would be showing up in _only_ the lingerie and a trench coat. You’re fine. Lincoln, Anya, and Lexa are all going to be here in less than five minutes, so get dressed. Unless the lingerie and trench coat is what you want. In that case, I’ll go get mine from my closet.”

Clarke groaned and pushed a smiling Raven and Octavia out of her bedroom. She dressed in the sheer lace lingerie bra and panty set quickly before pulling on her outfit. A flowy, white skirt that fell above her knee paired with a black tank top with a simple jewel neckline and thick straps that left the majority of her shoulders bare. The edge of the shirt left the slightest amount of pale skin showing between the two pieces of fabric. She slipped her feet into black high heels as new voices rang through the apartment.

Lexa greeted her as the heels clacked loudly against tile floors, “Hello, Clarke.”

“Hey, Lex,” Clarke leaned in, put her hand on the back of Lexa’s neck, and pulled her into a kiss. Lexa quickly responded in earnest, pushing into Clarke with a fierceness Clarke wasn’t expecting. Clarke pulled away as their friends began to shout their distaste. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke pulled back to see the dress Lexa was wearing, “You look beautiful. I love the lace.”

Anya jumped in before Lexa could say anything, “Thank you. I knew you’d like it.”

Raven huffed out a laugh from behind Lexa and Anya, “They even match.”

Lexa didn’t face Raven as she spoke, keeping her attention on Clarke. “You’re wearing lace too?” She ran a hand down Clarke’s side innocently, “I don’t feel any lace.”

Clarke flushed slightly and Anya smirked alongside Raven, who was quick to answer, “It’s not on the top layer.”

Clarke and Lexa where quick to match in colour along with the lace fabric on their bodies.

“Okay, enough teasing about what lingerie Clarke is wearing, Raven, we have places to be. I’m sure her parents will gladly take over the teasing for you.”

Clarke groaned at Octavia, “Thanks for the solid defense, O.”

“Be happy I didn’t mention the trench coat.”

“Trench coat?” Lexa and Anya said in unison.

“Look at the time, we’re going to be late! Let’s go!” Clarke quickly ushered Lexa out of the apartment, the four snickering adults following close behind. They piled into their own cars and Clarke let out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind her. The teasing had only just begun for the night but at least she could escape it for an hour on the drive.

Lexa grinned at her from the passenger seat. “So, lace, huh?”

Clarke laughed quietly, “Maybe. You’ll have to wait to find out.”

Lexa huffed, “Maybe I don’t want to wait.” She slipped her hand over into Clarke’s space and placed her hand on a bare knee. Her thumb traced circles into the skin and Clarke resisted the urge to pull Lexa into her lap.

Instead she clasped their hands together and started the car. “Are you going to be okay with the drive?” Clarke asked cautiously.

Lexa’s face dropped into a more serious expression. She nodded and spoke softly, “I trust you.”

Clarke lifted their hands to her lips and kissed the knuckles on her hand, “I know how hard that is for you. Driving has to be one of the scariest things for you and I couldn’t ever imagine it.”

Lexa tugged Clarke’s hand to bring Clarke into her space. She felt for Clarke’s cheek and kissed her softly. “I hope you don’t ever need to live it,” she said when she pulled away.

Clarke squeezed her hand and pulled out into the street. Lexa sat back into her seat and let out a shaky breath. Clarke glanced over to her after turning a corner. “Would putting music on help distract you?”

Lexa nodded, “Yes. Please.”

Clarke released Lexa’s hand and pushed at the buttons to turn on one of the pop radio stations. Something upbeat would help the mood stay happy. The radio burst to life with a turn of the dial. “ _Up next, Roses by the Chainsmokers, here on your hit radio station.”_

“Ooh, it’s my jam Lexa!”

Lexa chuckled, “Your jam?”

“Hell yeah!”

 

In reality, it was just the newest song that Clarke had found herself obsessed with.

The opening chords to the song echoed through the car, the beat pulsing through the air. Clarke hummed along and picked up the lyrics in the middle of the verse, “Well, I'll be your daydream, I'll be your favorite things. We could be beautiful. Get drunk on the good life, I'll take you to paradise. Say you'll never let me go.”

Her voice was sultry and soft and Lexa felt it in her bones. It was comforting and a turn on all at once.

(Was it a coincidence that the next lyrics Clarke sang were about bones?)

Clarke sang the chorus with ease, tapping the beat out on the steering wheel. “Say you’ll never let me go, say you’ll never let me go.”

Lexa’s smile grew through the entire song. Clarke even threw in on the little ‘what’s that were in between during the instrumental bits, a dramatically deeper voice than her own.

“We could waste the night with an old film. Smoke a little weed on the couch in the back room. Hideaway,” she sang louder and with more purpose this time.

Lexa let out a snort, “You sound like you’re very interested in smoking weed, Clarke.”

Clarke’s singing cut off with a laugh, “You haven’t seen me party, Lexa.”

Lexa hummed with amusement, “You like to party?”

“I was nicknamed ‘Party Animal Clarke Griffin’ in college for a reason.”

Lexa laughed loudly, “Party Animal Clarke Griffin. I think I’d like to see that one day.”

“I’m betting you will.”

Another song cut into their banter. Without the announcement of the title, Lexa didn’t recognize it. “What’s this one?”

 

“Often by The Weeknd.”

Clarke sang the lyrics again but when the chorus began, she amped it up a bit.

“Ask me if I do this every day, I said, ‘Often.’ Ask how many times she rode the wave—‘Not so often.’ Bitches down to do it either way, often. Baby I can make that pussy rain, often. Often, often, girl I do this often. Make that pussy poppin', do it how I want it.”

Lexa’s outright laugh pulled her out of the chorus once again. “These lyrics are so crass.” When the laugh subsided, she spoke again. “Is this Party Animal Clarke Griffin talking again?”

Clarke sighed, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Well, are you going to make my pussy rain?”

Clarke almost choked on air. She wasn’t expecting _that_ to come out of Lexa’s mouth.

“Cause I’d like you to do it often.”

Clarke bit down on her lower lip as the heat pooled in her stomach. “Lexa?”

Lexa hummed innocently in response, “Yes, Clarke?”

Clarke shook her head and placed her hand atop Lexa’s thigh. She traced small circles on the inside of her knee. “We still have another fifty minutes of driving, and then a party to be present for.”

“Your point?”

“If you keep teasing me like that, we won’t even make it to my parent’s house.”

Lexa smirked but nodded, “I’ll be good.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa was true to her word for the rest of the drive. The closer they got though, the more nervous she got at meeting Clarke’s parents. Clarke could feel the tension rolling off Lexa’s body in waves. “Are you sure they’re going to like me?” She asked, ringing her hands together as Clarke stepped around the front of the car.

“They will love you, Lexa.”

“How can you be sure?”

Clarke took her girlfriend’s hands in her own. “Because you are a wonderful person. You’re smart, kind, clever, beautiful inside and out.” Clarke kissed her cheek and hugged Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her body into her own. Lexa quickly wrapped her arms around Clarke.

“I just don’t want to be a disappointment,” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s shoulder.

“You could never be a disappointment.”

Their embrace was cut short with a man’s voice ringing out through the air. “There’s my girl! Where is your old man’s hug? I’m jealous of the special treatment your girlfriend is getting!”

Clarke chuckled, “Well, I suppose that saves the entire girlfriend introduction.” She pulled away from Lexa and waved at her father. “Come on. They’re going to love you.”

Lexa nodded and laced their fingers together. Clarke gave her a slight tug and pulled her along, guiding her up the walkway and to the front door where Jake and Abby Griffin were standing, their own hands clasped together. The large house was Clarke’s childhood home. At the sight of her parents and her friends already inside milling around, her heart warmed. She missed the family aspect they all held.

“It’s good to see you, Clarke.” Abby brought Clarke into a sideways hug before Jake stepped in to go full-on bear hug on his only daughter.

“We missed you, kiddo. You should try and get out here more often.”

Clarke kissed his cheek. “I’ve missed you, too. I’ve been busy though. It’s hard to get time off of work.”

“That’s not the right excuse, Clarke.” Clarke raised an eyebrow at her father. “You’re supposed to say that your beautiful girlfriend is taking up all of your free time.”

Lexa stood bashfully behind Clarke. She held out her hand, “It is good to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.”

Jake by passed the hand and pulled Lexa into a hug. “No need to be so formal, Lexa! Jake and Abby is fine.” Lexa stood tense in the embrace for a moment before relaxing. It had been years since she felt such a parental love.

Abby soon joined her husband, placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “Let’s get you both inside, everyone has already started celebrating without us.”

The laughter from inside pulled the four of them inside. Their friends stood around one table and Clarke quickly saw a familiar face she hadn’t seen in a long time. “Bellamy!” she called out.

Bellamy quickly excused himself from his sister and Lincoln to meet Clarke with a hug. “Clarke! It’s been too long, how are you?”

 

They exchanged pleasantries with each other and caught up briefly while Lexa stood in the background. Jake was quick to remedy this when he picked her out in the crowd. “So, Lexa,” he said. “What can I get you to drink? Wine, beer, shots?”

Lexa cracked a small smile, “Beer would be wonderful, thank you.”

He bumped his elbow into her hand to signal her to follow. Lexa wrapped her hand around his bicep and allowed Jake to lead her into a much quieter area. A fridge opened and Lexa quickly realized it was the kitchen.

He handed her a bottle of beer by tapping it on her hand attached to his arm. Lexa spoke her thanks and sipped the alcohol. The light burn down in her throat and warmth in her stomach helped her calm down a bit.

“First big party in a while?” Jake asked, the sound of another cap popping off of a beer bottle in Lexa’s ears.

“That easy to tell?”

Jake chuckled, “Well, it’s either that or you’re worried about meeting the future in-laws.”

Lexa swallowed another large portion of her beer and Jake laughed wholly.

“No need to be worried about that, Lexa. We don’t bite. From what Clarke’s friends have mentioned about you, I know that you will be good for my daughter.”

Lexa perked up, curious as to what they said. “You do? What have they told you?”

“Octavia and Raven said that they haven’t seen Clarke so happy in years. Anya, your roommate said the same about you.”

Lexa nodded, a smile crawling up her face, “Clarke makes me very happy.”

 

* * *

 

Two rooms away, Clarke held a similar conversation with her mother.

“Lexa makes me very happy, mom.”

Abby squeezed her daughter’s hand. “I’m glad that you found each other. Someone to pull you out of the harsh hours you forced yourself into.”

Octavia popped up to interrupt, “And force _me_ into.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “You haven’t been complaining about the paycheques.”

“I’m complaining about the lack of social life I have had. What happened to Party Animal Clarke Griffin?”

Abby quirked an eyebrow, “Party Animal Clarke Griffin?” she asked.

Raven was quick to join the conversation, but on Clarke’s side, lucky for her. “She wasn’t _that_ much of a party girl.”

Okay, maybe on her side, but not exactly helpful.

“What about that one party though? The one in our apartment after the finals in our first year?”

Clarke’s memory sparked with too many body shots mixed with too little clothes. “Nope. Never happened, mom. Nothing they are saying is true.”

Raven and Octavia chuckled and Abby rolled her eyes, “You’re an adult, Clarke. I can’t stop you from making choices, as questionable as they may be.”

“Exactly! Thank you, Abby.” Raven winked at Clarke, “So about that party then—”

Clarke shook her head and glanced at her watch. She hadn’t seen Lexa in a while. Clarke cut Raven off, “I’m going to find my girlfriend so you can’t embarrass me anymore.” She walked away from the group of women.

“You can run from us now but you can’t hide from your past!” Octavia called out to Clarke’s retreating back.

Clarke searched the house for Lexa. It took a while but she finally found Lexa with her father in one of the larger rooms of the house. It was a mixture of a study, library, and piano room. Jake was always interested in music and the grand piano in the centre of the room was a common sound to fill the house when Clarke was young. Many Saturdays had been spent with Clarke on a bunch of pillows and a blanket dragged from her room to lay and listen to her father play melodies and talk together. The father and daughter had been extremely close and despite the recent space because of life getting in between them, the bond held strong.

Now, Jake and Lexa were sitting across from each other on the small couch in the room. Lexa was talking animatedly about something. Clarke leaned against the doorframe and eavesdropped on the conversation.

“So, then they both go and try and stop the war together. But the commander is offered a deal by the leader of the enemy, and is forced to leave behind the leader of the sky people. She’s so concerned about what will happen when she turns her back on the sky people and her new found friend and possible lover, but she _has_ to think about her own people first. Head over heart is how she leads and it’s hard to leave but she channels her emotions and does it anyway.”

Clarke stepped into the room quietly but a creak in the floorboards caused Lexa’s head to pop up as she began another sentence. Clarke winced, “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Lexa smiled at her, “I was telling Jake about my novel.”

“I told Lexa here that I’m going to be the first to buy a copy,” Jake said, grinning proudly at Clarke.

Clarke smiled at her father, “I’m jealous that she’s actually giving away secrets to you. She won’t spill a single detail to me.”

“Well, why don’t I play a couple of tunes and Lexa can catch you up on all of what she has told me?” Jake asked. He stood from the couch and walked towards the piano.

“Tunes?” Lexa asked.

The delicate sounds of piano filled the air. Clarke sat down beside Lexa and threw an arm around her shoulders. “This is one of my favourites.”

Lexa leaned into Clarke, “It’s Yiruma. River Flows in You.”

Clarke grinned, “You know Yiruma?”

“I used to play.”

“Piano?”

“Yes. From when I was five up until the accident.”

Clarke leaned her head against Lexa’s as her father changed the song. “Why did you stop?”

“My parents had the piano in their house. After I stopped talking to them I never tried to seek out a new one.”

Clarke nodded. “Do you think you could still play?”

Lexa pondered the thought, “Maybe a few songs that I have memorized.”

Clarke nudged Lexa and stood. “Let’s go test out your memory then.”                                          

Lexa gapped at Clarke for a moment but obliged. “I doubt that I am any good anymore.”

Jake stopped playing as they approached. He smiled up at the two young women and moved so they could sit together on the small bench. “I’ll leave you two crazy kids alone.” He winked at Clarke and left the room.

Lexa ran her fingers over the top of the smooth keys and pressed a few down to get a feel of where her fingers were. After a few tests and one false start, she began to play. The notes of Kiss the Rain, also by Yiruma, filled the air. Clarke watched Lexa’s face as she played. The serious expression on her face turned to glee, and the smile that pulled at her lips was quickly squashed back into the serious line with a purse of her lips.

Clarke brushed the brown curls off of Lexa’s shoulder and placed gentle kisses below her ear as she played the final notes of the song. “That was beautiful, Lexa.”

Lexa faced Clarke and pressed forward until their foreheads touched. “Thank you.” She brushed her nose softly against Clarke’s until they met in the middle with a soft kiss. Lexa pulled away after a beat. “I can play another, if you want?”

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, please.”

Lexa ran her fingers over the keys once more and started into a much different tune.

 

Clarke looked at her with such love in her eyes that her eavesdropping parents could see it from across the room.

“Think they have said their ‘I love you’s yet?” Jakes asked, smiling down at his wife.

Abby shook her head, “No, but they will soon.”

 

* * *

 

The party came to a close after a few hours, leaving Clarke, Lexa, Abby, and Jake to say their goodbyes.

Jake pulled Lexa in for a hug first, “Don’t be a stranger, Lexa. I want to hear about all of your novel ideas. Call me anytime and bounce ideas off of me, okay?”

Lexa nodded into his shoulder, “I will, Jake.”

Clarke hugged her mother, “I’m sure we’ll come visit more often. Or you two could come into the city, maybe?”

Lexa spoke up, “We should have you both over for dinner next week some time.”

Abby and Jake let out a harsh laugh in unison. Lexa quirked an eyebrow over her glasses. Clarke groaned, “I’m not even that bad of a cook, come on. I thought we were letting this go?”

Abby pulled Lexa into a hug before letting her in on the secret. “Clarke almost burned this house to a crisp when she was eighteen trying to cook.”

“Twice,” Jake piped up as he grinned at his daughter.

“It was eight years ago, can we let it go?” Clarke muttered.

Lexa smiled at Clarke, “When was the last time you cooked, Clarke? I always make dinner.”

Abby and Jake shared a look. Clarke sighed quietly, “I haven’t since.”

Lexa giggled quietly, “I’ll teach you how to not burn the entire apartment building down tomorrow night then.”

Clarke shoved at her girlfriend and rolled her eyes.

Jake gave them both a little push out the door, “Drive safe, okay?”

Clarke nodded and squeezed her dad’s hand. “Call me tomorrow and we can set a date for dinner.”

Clarke led Lexa back to the car in the dark of night that fell during the party.

“So, how was that? I told you my parents would love you. I think my dad loves you more than me now,” Clarke said as she buckled her seat belt.

Lexa smiled, “He is great. We got talking about my novel and other plans. His criticism was unique to what I have heard and I was really grateful for it.”

Clarke turned the key in the ignition and began to back out of the driveway. “I hope no one embarrassed me too much while I wasn’t around you.”

Lexa shook her head. After a pause, “Just the possibility that if I ever let you cook you’re going to burn my apartment down.”

Clarke scoffed, “It wasn’t even that bad.” She sighed deeply and mumbled, “One small grease fire and you’re labelled a terrible cook for life.”

Lexa leaned back into her seat and relaxed. She held her hand palm up on the gear stick until Clarke’s hand met hers. “You threw water on it, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“You never throw water on a grease fire, Clarke.”

“Well I know that now,” she said, exasperated.

Lexa pulled the glasses off of her face and held them in her right hand. She rubbed her thumb on the back of Clarke’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. “How tired are you?”

“Not at all, why?”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“I have some ideas for tonight.”

“Are you going to let me in on these ideas?”

“When we get home.”

Clarke glanced at Lexa to see a small smirk drifting on her lips. Her foot pressed down a little harder on the gas pedal.

 

* * *

 

They burst into Lexa’s apartment in a flurry of limbs and kisses. Clarke pulled her heels off while Lexa did the same, before Clarke pressed Lexa up against the back of the door. She pushed her body onto Lexa’s and kissed her fiercely. Lexa tasted like beer and salty chips paired with a hint of strawberry from the lip gloss still on her plump, smooth lips. Clarke licked and nipped at her bottom lip lightly, causing a quiet moan to bubble up from Lexa’s throat.

The sexual frustration they both felt building the past few months was like a volcano ready to burst. And Clarke was so ready to burst.

But she pulled away from the kiss to make sure Lexa was on the same wave length. Lexa chased her lips with a groan for a second until she realized Clarke had backed off entirely. “What is it?” Lexa asked breathlessly.

“Are you sure about this, Lexa?” Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded furiously, “I’m ready, Clarke. I want you. Right now.”

Clarke grasped her hand in hers and pulled her into Lexa’s bedroom and closed the door with her foot before Clarke slid her hand into Lexa’s soft curls, the other on her hip. Lexa wrapped her hands around Clarke’s back and pushed against Clarke’s body. Her hands slipped up under the hem of Clarke’s shirt, brushing lightly against her rib cage and sending a shiver up Clarke’s back.

Clarke skimmed her fingers down Lexa’s side, edging the bottom of her dress up her thigh. Her nails dragged over the soft skin, angling towards Lexa’s underwear. Her fingers hit more fabric and Lexa just about keeled over at the touch. A quiet gasp escaped her lips followed by a louder moan in Clarke’s mouth as their tongues slipped across each other.

The wetness between Lexa’s legs had completely ruined her panties. “You’re a little worked up there, Lex,” Clarke teased as she ran her fingers over the fabric covering Lexa.

Lexa quivered in anticipation. “Not the first time either.”

Clarke hummed in appreciation. She tugged Lexa towards the bed and pulled her hand out from under her skirt. Lexa whined in protest at the loss. Clarke pulled the zipper of the skirt down to release Lexa from the tight, restricting clothing. Lexa quickly stepped out of it and was left just in her soaked, dark blue panties.

Clarke brought her hand up to cup Lexa’s breast and Lexa clutched at Clarke’s waist. Her hands slid under Clarke’s shirt once again to reciprocate the motion. She was stopped by the lacy bra Clarke had donned earlier and Lexa smiled, “I understand now.”

“Hmm?” Clarke leaned in to kiss and suck at Lexa’s neck.

Lexa let out a shaky breath and tipped her head back to let Clarke explore better. “The lace.”

Clarke purred into Lexa’s neck. “I thought it might be too much. It’s sheer.”

Lexa brushed her fingers over Clarke’s stiff nipple. “It’s perfect. I need it gone, though.”

Clarke chuckled and obliged. Her hands left Lexa’s body long enough for her to pull her shirt off of her body and drop her skirt to the floor with Lexa’s dress.

Lexa pressed back into Clarke. Clarke walked Lexa back into the bed until her knees hit the edge. She sat down and slid back onto the bed, pulling Clarke on top of her. Their lips fused together again in a searing kiss, hands exploring each other slowly.

It wasn’t the first time that they lost themselves in each other.

But it was the first time it had been so heated.

Clarke felt like she was on fire. She was burning up, pent up need and desire bursting at the seams. It wasn’t long until her lips moved down Lexa’s jaw, her neck, to her collarbone, then her chest. She tugged a nipple into her mouth and sucked softly, teeth grazing ever so slightly to gain reaction from Lexa.

Lexa arched into the touch, her hand making its way into Clarke’s hair, holding her close. Clarke moved to pay attention to the other before kissing a path down Lexa’s stomach. Abs flexed under her lips and tongue as she licked lines on the smooth skin.

Lexa moaned at a particularly sensitive spot over her right hip that Clarke nipped at. “Clarke,” she sighed.

Clarke looked up at the sight before her. Lexa flushed in the face, back arched off the bed. She could get used to this. Her hand brushed against the top of Lexa’s thighs, causing her legs to fall open involuntarily. Clarke giggled, “Someone is eager.”

Lexa gave a gentle tug at Clarke’s blonde hair for teasing her.

Clarke ran her fingers over Lexa’s centre, the pressure of her middle finger against Lexa’s clit producing a shiver. “Please, Clarke.” Lexa whined.

Clarke pulled the panties away from Lexa’s body and discarded them on the floor. She wiggled her way between her legs and ran her fingers through Lexa’s sex. A loud moan rumbled out of Lexa’s chest, fueling Clarke’s own wetness to flourish. “You’re so wet,” she whispered, kissing the inside of Lexa’s thighs softly.

Clarke created a slow rhythm with her fingers, softly circling Lexa’s clit. Lexa whimpered at the touch and her hips shook with need. Clarke dipped her fingers down to Lexa’s entrance and carefully pushed one finger inside of her. She pressed her lips over Lexa’s clit and flicked her tongue against the pulsing bundle of nerves. When Lexa asked, she pushed another finger inside of her. Clarke’s lips sucking eagerly at Lexa’s clit combined with the steady fingers, it wasn’t long until Lexa’s legs were shaking beside Clarke’s head.

“Fuck, Clarke, oh,” Lexa cried out. “Another.”

Clarke added another finger inside of Lexa and quickened her pace. Her tongue brushed against her clit with more intention and Lexa’s grip on her hair tightened.

Lexa shuddered with pleasure and began to shake. “Clarke,” she panted. “I’m gonna,” she cut herself off with another loud moan.

Clarke didn’t let up until the waves of pleasure had subsided, slowly pumping her fingers until Lexa had stopped moving. She carefully withdrew her fingers and kissed her way up Lexa’s body until she pulled Clarke in to kiss her deeply.

Lexa kissed Clarke with all the energy left in her body. Clarke kissed her back with the same fervour until Lexa pulled away, sitting up to grasp at the back of Clarke’s bra. She unclasped it with ease and threw it across the room. Lexa was quick to pull her panties off of her body and push her fingers into Clarke’s own growing wetness.

Clarke groaned at the sensation. She was sensitive after watching Lexa come as hard as she had.

“Sit on my face.”

Clarke looked down at Lexa as she lay back down on the bed. “Are you sure?”

Lexa nodded furiously, “Please?”

Clarke quickly crawled up Lexa’s body until she was positioned over top of Lexa’s face. She carefully placed her knees beside her head and felt Lexa grab her ass to steady her. Clarke gripped the headboard of Lexa’s bed tightly as Lexa pressed her face into Clarke’s core.

Clarke let the air in her lungs out with a quick puff through her nose. The feeling of Lexa’s tongue between her legs was almost too much for her to control herself. Her hips moved in the same rhythm as Lexa’s tongue, grinding down into her face.

One of Clarke’s hands left the headboard to caress her own breast. Her nipples responded quickly to the touch and all of the nerves in her body were on edge.

Lexa ran her tongue up and down her slit, tongue prodding in all the right places. Teeth grazed Clarke’s clit gently, pulling more moans out of Clarke. Lexa squirmed beneath Clarke, becoming turned on again at the noises and feeling of her writhing above her. She pressed her thighs together tightly in an attempt to quell the aching.

All too soon, Clarke was riding Lexa’s face without abandon. Her body undulated and she let out a quiet scream of pleasure combined with pants and punctuated her orgasm with a soft, “Oh, Lexa, fuck.”

Clarke all but collapsed against the wall until Lexa eased her down onto the bed beside her. Soft kisses and touches until Lexa pulled away to curl up into Clarke’s chest. “Well worth the wait, I think,” she said as Clarke ran her hand through her hair.

Clarke nodded, “Definitely worth the wait.” She paused. “But we don’t have to wait that long to do it again, do we?”

Lexa smirked up at her before brushing her hands over Clarke’s hip. Her finger dipped down into the sensitive wetness between Clarke’s legs, fingers already beginning a new rhythm. “Definitely not.”


	13. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter but a note- one that you should all read.

Hi. So, with all of the crap that's happened since 3x07 aired, I just want to briefly talk about some things. 

First thing: I will finish this. It might be a little longer of a wait than I thought, but if my mood changes about Lexa in general and I'm not as sad anymore, I'm sure it won't be more than a month. 

Second thing: I have a shitload of AU's planned that I don't know if I want to even look at anymore. They are all fluffy/smutty kinds of things that are perfect for Clexa. But working through the hurt and finding the happiness that these two gave me might be something that turns my life back around so I will try. So keep an eye out for anything new, I'll make a comment on here though. Also, let me know if you would even want to see anything more from me besides the end of this fic.

Final thing: I need opinions on this fic. My original plan for it has about 3-5 chapters until I hit my fluffy end in which Clarke and Lexa are happier than ever and are together because what fucking monster would tear these two apart?? (fuck you jrot) But there was some angst planned. Neither Clarke nor Lexa would be physcially hurt during this angst, but it would be emotional kind of pain (No, they don't break up or anything like that, it's from an outside source). If this will cause people turmoil, I want to know.

Please comment below about how you want me to finish this fic off. Either I write the angst and the fluff, or I skip over the angst and write the fluff. I'll take every comment into consideration and it will be a vote. I'll leave warnings for those of you who don't want the angsty bits and I'll make sure that I write the ending in a way that you can skip the angsty chapters if you so choose, and if that is even the outcome.

Thank you for your time guys and please, please be safe. 


	14. The Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Art is a passion of mine, and it’s mostly visual. I wanted to share it with you but I knew I had to come up with a good way to have you experience it too.” Clarke stood from her seat and pulled Lexa up with her. She tugged her down the hallway, into a small room beside her own. “It’s still a work in progress. I haven’t been working on it as much lately.” The door swung open and Clarke led Lexa inside.   
> The walls were filled with sketches on all kinds of paper, small canvases, large canvases, all splattered with colourful paint. All of them were beautiful creations.   
> Beautiful creations Lexa would never be able to see.
> 
> or;  
> The couples are becoming more serious and then a really serious thing happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first off, I just want to say that I am so utterly thankful for all of the replies I got from everyone after the Author's Note I posted. It has over 100 notes on it of people encouraging me to continue this. I wasn't expecting such an out pour of love from all of you but I can't stress enough how thankful I am of all of you.   
> Verdict about the story though: I'm continuing it on as I had originally planned, angst and all. The vast majority of the comments said that they would prefer to read my original ideas, to not let the show influence me in my decisions. And I totally agree.   
> For the few who said they wanted just fluff, this is my warning to you that the end of this chapter gets angsty. If you want to wait to read this chapter until the next one is also posted. The next one will include comfort for those hurt and I want you all to feel good, not hurt by what you read.   
> (Note: NEITHER CLARKE NOR LEXA DIE JUST SAYING THIS AGAIN THEY WILL NEVER DIE EVER UNTIL THEY ARE 157 AND HAVE SEVERAL GENERATIONS OF CHILDREN, GRANDCHILDREN, GREAT GRANDCHILDREN, AND GREAT-GREAT GRANDCHILDREN. THAT IS ALL.)  
> Also, I'm sorry this is so short, I just really wanted to get something out there.   
> Without further adieu, enjoy!

Lexa ran her fingers over the unfamiliar counter. Clarke’s apartment was still largely unknown to her since they spent the majority of their time in her own apartment. But Clarke insisted that Anya and Raven have the chance to spend time in Anya’s home.

(Nobody wanted to listen to either of the couples getting it on all the time. And apparently none of them could keep their hands to themselves. It had caused one too many interruptions on all sides in the last month.)

Which led to Lexa stranded in the middle of Clarke’s kitchen while Clarke took a quick shower. When Clarke asked her to put on a pot of coffee, neither of them realized that Lexa didn’t know where the coffee grounds or filters were kept.

Or the coffee maker itself.

She had only just found the sink again.

Lexa sighed deeply and carefully made her way across the kitchen, arms outstretched to touch the objects around her. She sat down in the chair at the small table against the far wall and slouched. Lexa hated feeling useless.

Clarke was out of the shower minutes later, damp feet making quiet slapping noises as she moved towards Lexa at the table.

“Coffee?”

“I have no idea where anything is, Clarke.” Lexa turned her head towards her girlfriend and smiled weakly.

Clarke clicked her tongue. “I guess some direction might have been helpful.” She padded the rest of the distance and placed a gentle kiss on Lexa’s forehead. Clarke walked around the kitchen quietly, gathering the necessary items. The coffee maker was pulled across the counter, stuttering as the small rubber knobs on the bottom skidded across the smooth counter top. Lid flipped up, a small rush of air from Clarke’s lips to separate the paper filter, filter sinking down into the basket with very little noise. Then the tell-tale sound of Clarke fumbling with the lid of the coffee can, followed by 1-2-3-4-5 scoops of coffee, and enough tap water to fill the perfect ratio of coffee grounds to water.

Lexa stood from her seat and slowly made her way over to Clarke. “You know, in my apartment I can be all chivalrous, making you coffee and breakfast every morning. Here, I’m useless.”

Clarke spun around and gathered Lexa in her arms, swaying slightly as she lost her balance. “You’re not useless, Lexa. You could never be useless.”

“A disappointment then.”

“Never.”

Lexa sighed, “I don’t like not knowing where everything is.”

Clarke nodded and pressed another gentle kiss to Lexa’s temple, “I know. That’s why I’m going to request that we get to stay in your apartment, and Anya and Raven just stay here. Octavia is already in Lincoln’s unofficially. Once the lease is up in two months I’m sure she won’t be sticking around much longer.

A light bulb went off in Lexa’s head, “Let’s do that.”

“Do what? Move in with Lincoln?”

Lexa huffed. “No, Clarke. Let’s move in together.”

Clarke pulled back, “You want to move in together?”

“Haven’t we technically already been living together for two months?”

Clarke thought about it. They had been, unofficially, living together for two months. They hadn’t spent a night away from each other since before the two of them caught that cold (which Clarke will forever refer to as The Sickness of the Decade) and took care of each other. Clarke held Lexa’s face in her hands and looked into her eyes. The emotion behind them was convincing enough for Clarke. She kissed her lips gently. They stood in the middle of the kitchen, bodies pressed together, happy to stand like that forever. Lexa pulled back after a few moments, waiting expectantly. “Let’s move in together,” Clarke repeated.

Lexa grinned, “Can we do it today?”

Clarke sighed dramatically. “I need coffee and breakfast first, and then we can make plans. Maybe after I get off work this afternoon?” Lexa hummed in agreement. The coffee maker beeped from across the room.

Just as it finished, the front door of the apartment opened.

“Oh look, Clarke’s in a towel and Lexa isn’t wearing pants. How surprising,” Raven said as she set her bag on the counter. Anya followed her inside.

Clarke smiled at the couple, “Good morning to you too. We’re moving into Lexa and Anya’s apartment today. Would you like coffee?”

Anya huffed, “I like that apartment. I don’t want you two tainting it by fucking on every single surface, if you haven’t already.”

Lexa flushed, “Anya, shut up.”

“Too late for that,” Clarke muttered with a smirk.

“Clarke!”

“What? We sanitized afterwards.”

Lexa groaned, “They don’t need to know about it.”

“Yeah, Griffin, we don’t need to know about it. But since we do, let me just tell you about that one time that I had Anya sitting on the countertop, spread eagle...” Raven began.

“Raven.” Anya shoved her partner.

“Ew, stop, please. I don’t need the visual burned into my brain,” Lexa exclaimed.

Clarke brought the four mugs over to the table and everyone sat down. It didn’t take long for the four of them to start being mature adults, discussing the situation at hand. While Anya was sad to see her portion of the apartment go, she was eager to pick up the parts Clarke was leaving behind. It seemed that Raven and Anya were just as serious as Clarke and Lexa.

Lexa and Anya were divvying up the small appliances they had bought to share in the beginning of their renting relationship when Raven spoke up and caught Lexa’s attention.

“So, Clarke. How long is it going to take you to change Anya’s room into a studio?”

“Studio?” Lexa asked. “A studio for what?”

“Her art. Clarke is an artist. She never told you that?”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed and her heart sank. “No.” Why had Clarke kept that from her?

Clarke slapped Raven’s arm. “No, I never told her that, Raven! It was supposed to be a surprise. Thank you for ruining it.”

Lexa’s heart felt a little lighter at Clarke’s words. “There’s a surprise?”

Clarke took Lexa’s hand in her own. “I love to paint. Painting is one of my favourite things in the entire world.”

“Besides going down on you, Lexa,” Raven piped up. Clarke swiftly elbowed her in the ribs. “Ow, rude.”

“Art is a passion of mine, and it’s mostly visual. I wanted to share it with you but I knew I had to come up with a good way to have you experience it too.” Clarke stood from her seat and pulled Lexa up with her. She tugged her down the hallway, into a small room beside her own. “It’s still a work in progress. I haven’t been working on it as much lately.” The door swung open and Clarke led Lexa inside.

The walls were filled with sketches on all kinds of paper, small canvases, large canvases, all splattered with colourful paint. All of them were beautiful creations.

Beautiful creations Lexa would never be able to see.

“I wanted to make something special for you.” Clarke took both of Lexa’s hands in hers and placed them palm down onto a rough, bumpy surface. “So I painted a scene for you, and then brought it to life.”

Lexa skimmed her palms across the canvas. The textures of the paint created the scene. It was like Lexa was experiencing it in real life. The trees on the edges of the canvas ran up from the bottom of the canvas to the top, the bark of the tree creating smooth dips and curves, until her fingers hit the tops, and small leaves took the place of the bark.

Lexa’s lean fingers moved up around the tree line, over to a large spot of blank space. It took a bit of searching until the next spot of texture popped up. Tiny dots littered the space. The dots were spaced out unevenly but were in some sort of pattern. Constellations. A starry night.

Her fingers explored the middle of the canvas, only to find more blank space, until they hit the lower half of the canvas. Spiky lines touched the tips of her fingers. It was the same all across the bottom of the canvas. Grass. Sticking up high on the page for her to feel.

Clarke watched silently as Lexa’s face turned from curiosity to pure awe. Her heart beat fast in her chest. “It’s not done yet,” she whispered.

Lexa pulled her hands off of the canvas. She spun around and grabbed Clarke. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Clarke’s hands wandered to Lexa’s hips. Flush against each other, the two women eagerly accept each other’s tongues into mouths, lips brushing roughly together, on its way to becoming much more.

Lexa pulled away and changed the angle. This time, it was chaste. A soft kiss. One that she gave to convey a message. One that set every nerve in her body on fire. A warmth that spread out, sending tingles and love shooting through her veins. She separated from Clarke once more and rested her forehead on her girlfriend’s.

“I love you so much, thank you,” Lexa whispered. Her heart leapt in her chest. “Thank you so much. No one has ever done something like this for me before. I love you.”

Clarke melted into Lexa. “I love you too, Lexa.”

They stood like that, holding each other, whispering softly about how much they loved the other until Raven barged in.

“Sorry to ruin the moment, but Jake’s calling you, Clarke.”

Clarke reluctantly pulled away from Lexa enough to take the phone from Raven. “Hi dad,” she said a bit breathlessly. Clarke hit the speaker button on the screen.

“ _Hey, kiddo. I’m coming into town in a few hours and I wanted to see if you and Lexa wanted to get coffee with an old guy._ ”

Clarke chuckled, “Well, I have work to get to. Lex?” She kissed her cheek.

“I would love to go get coffee with you, Jake. Where would you like to meet?”

“ _How about that Starbucks closest to Clarke’s apartment? Say at eleven?_ ”

 

* * *

 

Octavia drove down the side street slowly, watching for the many homeless that populated the area. Clarke was on her phone again with Jake.

“Yeah, we’re just starting our run through the bad areas and then we’ll be on break. If I can, I’ll call you back in twenty minutes.”

“ _Sounds like a plan, Clarke. Lexa is back in your apartment, safe and sound. I’m headed back home for the night, your mother has a list of chores for me to do on my day off._ ”

Clarke sighed, “Dad, you know you shouldn’t be on your phone and driving.”

“ _It’s only for a moment, and for good reason. It isn’t every day that my daughter finally tells her girlfriend that she loves her. It also isn’t every day that I can tell said daughter that her girlfriend gushed about her the entire time we had coffee. We were there for two hours._ ”

Clarke blushed and glanced out the window, “What can I say? I’m kind of the best.”

Jake chuckled into the phone, “ _I can vouch for that. Alright, I will go. I’m in that odd area of town where service breaks up around the train tracks and underpass. Bye, sweetheart. Love you._ ”

“Bye, dad. Love you too.”

The line went silent and Clarke locked her phone, slipping it back into her jacket pocket. It was a quiet few minutes in the vehicle, both women sitting in content silence. It wasn’t often that they got quiet during their shifts.

Octavia drove through the entrance of in an empty lot. Once the vehicle was fully stopped, the radio of the ambulance crackled to life. Octavia listened closely to hear where they were headed before shifting into gear and speeding out of the parking lot. “Every time I want to stretch we get a call. It’s like I’m cursed.”

Clarke scoffed, “Right. You’re the one who is cursed. Definitely not the poor, accident prone people.”

It took two minutes for the paramedics to arrive on scene. They were the first, but certainly not the last ones that would arrive. There was a train on fire, stuck blocking the middle of a street. Down the tracks, there was a car, flipped over and smoking.

Sirens of a firetruck could be heard in the distance as Octavia and Clarke jumped out of the ambulance. Clarke ran along the train tracks towards the car. It’s totaled. The walls of the car are so caved in that there isn’t much to see on the inside except for the poor person inside. Clarke called out to them but there was no response. The majority of the person’s face was gone. Their right arm was twisted in a way that should never be possible, and a leg was almost completely detached from the hip joint. Blood was flowing out of thousands of small cuts made by the shattered glass and metal shrapnel created by the impact of the train and car. Clarke swallowed down the bile in her throat and tried harder to find a way to get to them.

“If you can hear me, I’m going to help you. It’s okay, we’re here to help,” Clarke yelled. The roar of the fire from the train close by was becoming louder. The sirens got closer.

Octavia came up next to her with a backboard and the bag of medical instruments. They both circled around the car, looking for a way to reach in and at least get a pulse. Clarke maneuvered her arm into a small space from behind the driver’s seat to reach in and get a pulse. It was extremely weak, but it was still there.

“O, I have a pulse. They aren’t breathing though.”

“Can you reach enough to get a tube in them?”

Clarke struggled to reach into the car further. She groaned in frustration, “No. Too far in. We won’t be able to get access until someone pries them out.”

“They don’t have that kind of time.”

“I know.”

Octavia looked up at the hood of the car. The smoke that was once a light grey was black. “Clarke. We have to get back.”

“I can’t just leave them here, O. I have to try something.”

“Clarke.”

A loud pop echoed through the air, causing both of them to jump. The hood of the car was open and smoke billowed out faster.

“Clarke, it’s going to blow. We need to get back.” Octavia yanked Clarke back from the car. They landed on their butts in the grass just before the front of the car was engulfed in flames. Without the firefighters, the paramedics couldn’t do anything.

Clarke stood and looked around for the other emergency vehicles. Finally, they appeared on the opposite side of the train tracks from where Octavia had parked the ambulance. Clarke waved her arms furiously, getting the attention of the firefighters as they exited their respective trucks. “Hey! We have someone inside this car!” she shouted across the tracks. Several of them moved towards her, tools in hand.

It didn’t take long for them to put the fire out, but once Clarke was able to get to the trapped person, the pulse was gone. There was nothing left for her to do.

Octavia noticed a wallet on the ground near the rear of the car. How it would have flown out of the car, she had no idea, but it would be helpful for the poor person’s family to know what was going on. She flipped the black leather open and pried out the driver’s licence in the top pocket.

Suddenly, it felt like the ground was shaking beneath her. Octavia let out a choked groan and fell to her knees. “No. This isn’t happening,” she whispered.

Clarke glanced behind her and Octavia caught her gaze. The heartbroken gaze Octavia gave Clarke caused Clarke to run toward her. Heart racing, breath shaky, eyes widened in shock, “Octavia? What’s wrong?” she asked.

Two tears slipped down Octavia’s cheeks. “Clarke,” her voice cracked.

“What?”

“It’s your dad.”

The blood drained from Clarke’s face and she promptly slumped to the ground. Her chest felt like it was collapsing. Seconds later, darkness began covering her vision from the outside. The last thing Clarke saw before she fainted was the bloody and beaten body of her father being pulled from the battered car.


	15. The Real Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The image of her father’s body flashed in front of her eyes again. The tiny cuts all over his body. The way his arm was twisted. The way his leg was held onto his hip by practically nothing. The images shook her down to her core and soon she was rushing into the bathroom and heaving over the toilet.  
> Lexa came rushing into the bathroom to hold her hair back, but there was no reason for her to. The emptiness in Clarke’s stomach meant that there was nothing to come up. The dry heaves ceased after five minutes of pain, and Clarke sunk back into Lexa.
> 
> or; the aftermath of the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you to everyone's horrified comments.  
> I'm sure you'll all enjoy this chapter. It was by far my favourite to write so far. Happy reading!

Clarke woke up to a faint but steady beep.

She opened her eyes slowly. Bright lights, white walls, light coloured bedsheets. There was an IV in her arm and another cord attached somewhere under the gown she was in. She glanced behind her to see a machine with her heart rate and blood pressure. Whatever she was doing in the hospital, she really didn’t need to be there. Clarke was in perfect health.

Lexa occupied a very uncomfortable chair next to her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was pressed into a hard, thin line. The sadness was evident on her face. Clarke reached out to take Lexa’s hand. When their finger’s met, Lexa’s eyes flew open. The worry in her eyes made Clarke’s stomach twinge uncomfortably.

“You know,” Clarke spoke, her voice gravelly, “Even though you can’t see out of your eyes, they still show everything you’re feeling. Why do you look so sad, Lex? I’m fine.”

Lexa let out a ragged breath, “You are okay, Clarke?”

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Lexa gaped for a moment, trying to find the words. “You fainted, Clarke.”

“I fainted?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, wasn’t I at work?” Lexa nodded. “What did I see that made me faint? Octavia is the one with the weaker heart.” Silence from her girlfriend. “Lexa, what happened?”

Before Lexa could speak, a nurse walked in. “Oh good, you’re awake. All of your paperwork came back fine, so you can leave once the doctor is in to see you once more.”

Clarke nodded, “Can you tell me what happened?”

“You fainted at the scene of a train and car crash. Your partner mentioned that it had something to do with who was in the car,” he said. He walked out of the room before Clarke could ask anything else.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke thought back to the afternoon. Octavia drove through the homeless area, like they usually do right after their break. Then she pulled into a parking lot and they got a call. The train was engulfed in flames and a car was flipped and pushed far down the tracks. The person inside the car was trapped and had a weak pulse when she finally found it. Their entire body was so mangled that they were unrecognizable. The car went up in flames and firefighters had to put it out. She raced back over to help them but it was too late. And then Octavia had a wallet in her hand.

Octavia was crying. Why was she crying?

It hit her hard in the chest. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. The heart monitor behind her began beeping rapidly.

“No, Lex, no. No, it wasn’t him. It couldn’t have been him.” Tears streamed down her face. “I just talked to him!”

“Clarke.”

“I just talked to him, Lexa! It wasn’t him!”

Lexa stood from the chair and wrapped her arms around Clarke. Both of them were shaking.

“I just talked to him,” Clarke muttered. She slumped over, her face in Lexa’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Clarke sobbed until her lungs hurt too much. Until her entire body ached.

Lexa smoothed Clarke’s hair and tried to give her any kind of comfort she could. It was a long time before either of them spoke again, but Lexa broke the silence. “Let’s go home, Clarke.”

The doctor checked her over briefly. Clarke signed her release papers in a daze. Nothing felt real. Her body moved but it was as if someone else was pulling the strings. The numbness in her mind transferred to her body and pitched tents in her bones, here to stay.

It was a good thing that Clarke ended up in the hospital that they first met in. It meant Lexa could walk her home without any issues, and for that, Lexa was incredibly grateful. By the time they made it back to Lexa’s apartment, Clarke’s eyes were drooping shut again.

“I’m gonna go lay down,” she slurred. Lexa squeezed her hand and followed her into the bedroom. Clarke was about to get under the covers but Lexa tugged on her shirt.

“Let me get you something more comfortable at least,” Lexa said. She pressed a kiss on Clarke’s forehead before gathering an overly large sleep shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts from her drawers.

Carefully, she helped Clarke out of her work clothes. Lexa’s fingers pulled the buttons from their holes, unclasped Clarke’s bra, slipped the straps off of her shoulders, and gently tugged the shirt over her head. They worked together to get Clarke’s legs out of the pants and her underwear, all of it pooling at her ankles. Lexa untangled the mess of clothes and pulled the socks off of her feet. She pulled the shorts up her long, pale legs and settled the elastic waistband just over her hips.

Lexa placed a kiss on Clarke’s bare knee. She picked up her legs and swung them slowly over the bed. Clarke let herself fall back, head hitting the pillow, and a quiet rush of air pushed out from under her head. Lexa dragged the blankets up and over Clarke’s still body. Leaning over, she kissed the top of Clarke’s head, her cheek, and then a ghost of one on the side of her mouth.

“I love you,” Lexa whispered. Clarke didn’t respond out loud, but she nodded, acknowledging Lexa’s words. “Yell if you need anything, okay?”

Another nod.

Lexa left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, man. Are you okay?”

“Where am I?”

“You’re in a ditch.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke up a few hours later. It was late, the sun already dipped low, barely shining any light into the room. The resounding pain she felt in her chest made her want to go back to sleep. Instead, she sat up. She rubbed at her eyes, feeling the dried tears covering her eyelashes. Her stomach growled at her, but Clarke made no move to get up and find food. There was no appetite after what she had seen.

The image of her father’s body flashed in front of her eyes again. The tiny cuts all over his body. The way his arm was twisted. The way his leg was held onto his hip by practically nothing. The images shook her down to her core and soon she was rushing into the bathroom and heaving over the toilet.

Lexa came rushing into the bathroom to hold her hair back, but there was no reason for her to. The emptiness in Clarke’s stomach meant that there was nothing to come up. The dry heaves ceased after five minutes of pain, and Clarke sunk back into Lexa. Lexa rubbed her back.

“You need water, Clarke. I’m going to go get some.” A tiny nod. Lexa stood and practically ran around the apartment. She was back before Clarke could really notice that she was gone. Lexa held a plastic bag filled with random items, and a bottle of water. She uncapped the bottle and held it to Clarke’s lips. Clarke drank it slowly, but greedily. The water quenched her dry throat and lips. Once it was gone, Lexa twisted the cap back into place and started the water in the bath tub.

Clarke stared blankly at the wall as Lexa moved around the small bathroom. She placed the items in the plastic bag on the counter: shampoo that claimed to not hurt eyes, and some similar soap, a calming bubble bath, two candles, and a lighter. Lexa carefully lit the candles and placed them on the back of the counter where they would be safe to leave. The calming scent filled the air.

Once the bathtub was filled with almost enough water, Lexa tossed in some of the calming bubble bath solution. The bubbles foamed up to the brim of the tub and Lexa shut the water off. The warmth of the water created a little bit of steam radiating up and filling the bathroom with humidity.

Lexa moved back over to Clarke who was still sitting beside the toilet. She didn’t respond when Lexa whispered quiet words to her, explaining what she just set up. It took a lot of Lexa’s strength to pull Clarke to her feet and get her undressed. The worry in Lexa’s heart set in much more when Clarke still wouldn’t speak. But she continued to work, knowing that doing this would help Clarke in a physical sense, even if it didn’t hit her mentally.

Lexa steadied Clarke in the bathtub and got to work. She started with Clarke’s hair. It took a few tries, but she got into a good rhythm of lathering and checking to make sure that she wasn’t getting any of the soap in Clarke’s eyes, since Clarke made no moves to speak. Once the soap was rinsed out, Lexa got a cloth with the bar soap in the centre.

A light lather on the cloth, “Clarke, close your eyes, please.” After running her fingers lightly over Clarke’s eyelids to make sure she listened, Lexa stroked the soapy cloth over her face, then her neck, shoulders, arms. She rinsed the cloth out with fresh water and rinsed off Clarke’s face. Lexa brushed her lips over Clarke’s cheek. A hot tear met her lips.

No words were spoken while Lexa washed the rest of Clarke’s upper body. She left her lower half alone, partially because the bubble bath would get off any lingering dirt on its own while Clarke sat, but also because Lexa didn’t want to be invasive. The last thing she wanted was to make Clarke uncomfortable. Without Clarke speaking her mind, or even speaking at all, it was difficult to tell what would be welcomed and what would cause discomfort.

Lexa pulled out the drain in the tub and took hold of the shower head. She twisted it out of place and turned on the spray to a warm temperature, just a bit warmer than the bath water had become. She tugged Clarke up to a standing position and let her lean on her shoulder, not caring about the dark wet spots appearing on her shirt. Once Clarke was rinsed clean of the bubble bath solution, Lexa all but carried her out of the tub. A towel wrapped around her torso, and another covering her shoulders to catch the remaining water dripping from blonde hair, Lexa dragged Clarke back into the bedroom.

Lexa moved around the room quietly. Another set of sleep clothes was removed from drawers, along with a set for herself.

But she would worry about herself later. Clarke came first.

Lexa gently pressed Clarke’s hair into the towel to get out as much water as she could. The light coloured fabric soaked up a lot of the water on her shoulders, and then her legs when Lexa dropped to her knees in front of Clarke.

It took a bit of instruction from Lexa when it was time to dress Clarke again, but it went smoothly. Lexa mimicked her previous actions when swinging Clarke’s legs back under the cover of blankets. Lexa silently kicked herself for not thinking ahead to change the sheets and maximize Clarke’s comfort. But there wasn’t much to do now except crawl into bed next to her.

Lexa pulled her shirt over her head, pants down her legs, bra and underwear following. The sleep shirt and shorts made her shiver, the residual body heat in her clothes falling off her body. She threw the clothes into the hamper in the corner of the room and slipped into bed next to Clarke.

The sigh that left Lexa’s lips did nothing to help relieve the pressure in her chest. She was worried and extremely upset. But she couldn’t show it right now, no, not with Clarke being like this. She was worried about Clarke. About how she would be in the coming weeks. About how Clarke’s light would be affected by such a traumatic event. Clarke’s general happiness and love for life was something that Lexa craved. Something that made Lexa want to live.

The sadness she felt weighed heavily down on her heart. Jake was gone. Yet another person in her life, gone. Lexa hardly knew the man, only had a handful of long conversations with him, but she knew that he would have easily become somewhat of a surrogate father for her since her own was out of her life. He cared for her just as much as he cared for Clarke. She could have grown to love the man like a father.

Hell, she kind of already did.

The loss she felt on her own was certainly not anywhere near what Clarke must feel. What Abby must feel.

It was as if Clarke had been privy to her thoughts. Lexa felt the bed begin to shake, quiet whines leaving Clarke’s mouth and reaching her ears.

“Lexa,” Clarke whimpered.

“I’m here, Clarke. I’m here.” Lexa moved closer and pulled Clarke into her arms. The gesture caused Clarke to cry out louder, full on sobs ripping from her chest.

It was almost an hour later when Clarke finally calmed down enough to just sniffle. The sobs ceased, but the aching in Lexa’s chest for her girlfriend did not.

“Clarke,” she said softly. Clarke nodded slightly in the crook of her neck. Lexa paused for a moment, trying to phrase her words properly. “I know that you will take some time off, but I want you to take more than just a few weeks. Honestly, I don’t want you to go back at all. I love that you help people every day. I love that you save people. But the traumas you see every day are enormous. They’re horrific. I don’t want you to spend your life having to see people hurt or,” Lexa stopped before it slipped from her lips.

“Or worse. I want you to be happy. I want you to not have the life sucked out of you because of the horrors you see on a daily basis. So, stop me if I’m over stepping here, if you think that this is not at all respectful for me to ask. Please don’t go back. Please, Clarke, just quit. Don’t go back to putting yourself through seeing other’s in pain. I have enough, more than enough, for the two of us to live in this apartment comfortably for years. Not just years, decades, really, at least three. That’s without me working at all, and without you doing anything to help. Maybe that’s over stepping my boundaries by asking but please, think about it at least.”

Clarke pressed further into Lexa’s body as she spoke her reassurances. It melted her heart to know that Lexa cared about her so much that she was willing to provide for her so she had the chance to grieve, and beyond that, just live as she pleased.

“I love you, Clarke. All I want is to make you happy.”

“I love you too, Lexa.” Clarke whispered, voice scratchy from crying.

“Will you think about it?”

“I’ll do it.”

Lexa pulled back, “You will?”

“For now.”

Lexa nodded, “For now. Try and sleep, Clarke. We’ll deal with tomorrow when the sun comes back up, okay?”

Clarke nodded. She pressed her body as close to Lexa as she could. Lexa rubbed soothing circles on Clarke’s back. She did her best to keep her breaths as even as possible, so as to keep Clarke calm.

Soon, they both fell asleep. It was fitful for the two women, but they slept through the night.

 

* * *

 

The sun shining into the bedroom was what woke Clarke.

She sighed and stretched out, arms and legs popping as they released the night’s tension. She curled back into Lexa and nuzzled into her neck, content.

The moment was soon broken when she remembered the events of the day before.

Her heart _hurt_. The knot in her stomach only continued to grow. There was a heaviness in her limbs, as if they had been cut open, the blood and tissues released, only to be replaced by stones.

The second sigh she let out was heavier than the first. Lexa stirred next to her. Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and tugged her in closer. It was supposed to make her feel warm and safe, but all it did was make her think about the fact that her father would never feel the warmth of another human being again. He would never feel her-

_Mom._

Clarke flew out of the bed like a fire had been lit under her.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked sleepily. She rubbed at her face in an attempt to wake up.

“I have to go see my mom. She might not even _know_ , Lexa. We have to go.” Clarke rushed around the room, gathering a sweater for herself and Lexa, along with some sweatpants. “We have to go, Lexa.”

Lexa took the clothes from Clarke and stood. “Let me make some coffee at least. You shouldn’t be driving right out of bed like this.”

Clarke let out a frazzled breath but nodded. “Yeah, okay. But in to go cups?”

Lexa walked over to Clarke and squeezed her hands. After a gentle kiss to her cheek, she said, “I will put it in to go cups.”

The drive was long and quiet. There was no music playing this time, so the only sound in the car was the rumble of the engine and the light air blowing from the fans. The pounding in both of their hearts was loud enough in their ears to drown out the noise of the world. Lexa had her hand on Clarke’s knee, rubbing slow, calming circles into the tense muscle of her thigh but it did nothing to quell the anxiety in her stomach.

When they arrived, Clarke was out of the car in seconds. Lexa quickly followed, not wanting to be left behind. She needed to be there for Clarke.

Despite it being early in the morning, Clarke knocked on the door loudly. Abby was always up early in the morning, today should be no different.

And Clarke was correct. The door swung open and Abby, fresh faced and happy to see the two of them, was at the door.

“Clarke, Lexa, what a surprise! Just who I wanted to talk to this morning, I have quite the story for you two.” Abby took in the look on Clarke’s face. The look on Lexa’s face. The sadness in both of their eyes. “Clarke? What’s wrong?”

“We should go sit, mom.”

Abby nodded slowly and led the couple inside. Clarke and Lexa took up the loveseat while Abby sat down in the chair next to it. She took Clarke’s hand in hers and tugged until Clarke looked up at her. “What is it, honey? What’s wrong?”

Clarke felt the back of her throat stick. The tears welled in her eyes threatened to fall over. She looked up at the ceiling in order to get her emotions under control. When Clarke looked back into her mother’s concerned, caring eyes, the entire attempt to conceal her pain went out the window. “Dad’s dead, mom.”

Abby’s eyebrow’s furrowed. “What? No, he isn’t.”

Clarke sniffled, tears running down her cheeks. Lexa swallowed hard, squeezing her knee in reassurance. “Yesterday, Octavia and I got a call to a train crash. The man in the car, who was unrecognizable, was dad.” She tried to stay calm but the pain in her heart came out in her words. “I couldn’t reach him, mom. He was stuck and bleeding out, and I couldn’t reach him until it was too late. The pulse was gone when I could finally get to him. I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him. I’m so sorry,” Clarke rushed out in between sobs.

Abby was quick to jump in and comfort her daughter, “Clarke, honey, calm down. It’s okay.”

“It isn’t okay, dad’s dead!” Clarke yelled. “He’s dead and it’s my fault because I couldn’t get to him!”

“Clarke.”

“He’s gone, I didn’t even get to say goodbye because I fainted.”

“Honey.”

“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

“No, Clarke, it isn’t. He isn’t dead.”

“What?” Clarke and Lexa together.

“Jake,” Abby turned her head towards the staircase behind them. “Jake, can you come here?”

Footsteps rained down the staircase. Clarke’s heart pounded hard in her chest, fighting to explode from her chest.

“Hey! Just the two girls I was hoping to see today.” Jake Griffin stood in the doorway of the living room. There was a piece of white tape on his nose, along with dark rings around his eyes, and a swollen and cut bottom lip. But he was there. Alive. He took in the shock and tears on Clarke’s face and was beside her in a second. “Clarke, what’s wrong?” He glanced over at Lexa, who was matching the tears on Clarke’s face. “Why are two of my three favourite girls sitting in my living room crying?”

Clarke shot off of the loveseat and into her father’s arms. “I felt your pulse, there was nothing there. Your face was gone. You were dead.” She sobbed into his shoulder.

Jake wrapped his arms around his shaking daughter, “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m fine. Other than the fact that your old man can’t win a fight, I’m fine.”

Clarke pulled back to look at him. Jake wiped at her face, removing the tears and wiping her nose on his sleeve. “You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated.

“But I, you, the car was totalled, you were hardly even attached anymore,” Clarke gripped his shoulder where the arm was supposed to be twisted. She looked down at his hip. His leg was firmly attached.

He led her back to the loveseat where Lexa was still frozen in place. “Lexa,” her head snapped up to his voice. Jake placed a hand over hers, clearly noticing how much she was also affected by the drama surrounding them in this moment. “I’m okay.” She nodded stiffly.

Abby cleared her throat, “So, Jake. Do you want to tell them what happened yesterday?”

Jake nodded, “So, I got off the phone with you, Clarke...”

 

* * *

 

_Jake scanned the road for cars before pulling out off of the side street._ “ _Sounds like a plan, Clarke. Lexa is back in your apartment, safe and sound. I’m headed back home for the night, your mother has a list of chores for me to do on my day off._ ”

_Clarke sighed on the other side of the phone._ “Dad, you know you shouldn’t be on your phone and driving.”

“ _It’s only for a moment, and for good reason. It isn’t every day that my daughter finally tells her girlfriend that she loves her. It also isn’t every day that I can tell said daughter that her girlfriend gushed about her the entire time we had coffee. We were there for two hours._ ”

“What can I say? I’m kind of the best.”

_Jake chuckled into the phone_ , “ _I can vouch for that. Alright, I will go. I’m in that odd area of town where service breaks up around the train tracks and underpass. Bye, sweetheart. Love you._ ”

“Bye, dad. Love you too.”

_The phone was tucked away into the gap under the stereo system for safe keeping. Jake turned the volume back up on the radio, the rock music pouring out of the speakers. He tapped his fingers on the wheel to the beat of the song. It wasn’t long until he reached the train tracks. There was a person in the middle of the road, lying over top of the train tracks. Jake pulled over to the side of the road, the nose of the car just over the tracks._

_He hopped out of the car and jogged over to the man on the road. His clothes were torn and the seams were coming undone. He looked as if he was homeless. “Sir,” Jake called out. “Sir, you’re in the middle of the road, you’re going to get hurt sleeping here.” He leaned over and tapped on the man’s shoulder._

_In a swift movement, the man was on top of Jake. He landed two solid punches to Jake’s jaw before Jake got a chance to fight back. They rolled around on the ground toward the side of the road, and into a ditch. The tumble down sent them both reeling for a moment but the stranger got the upper hand again. He was about the same size as Jake but much stronger. Another solid punch landed on Jake’s nose. Blood sprayed the two of them as it spurt from his nose._

_One more hit to the face, and Jake was out cold._

* * *

 

_He woke up in a daze, someone shaking him awake. “Hey man, are you okay?”_

_Jake opened his eyes as far as he could. The guy standing over him wasn’t the same one who had beat him into a pulp. “Where am I?”_

_“You’re in a ditch.”_

_Jake sat up slowly and rubbed his face. The dried blood flaked into his palm._

_“What’s your name?”_

_“Jake Griffin.”_

_“Well, Jake Griffin, I think you were mugged.” The stranger pulled him to his feet and together they made their way out of the ditch. “Do you want me to take you to a hospital?”_

_Jake shook his head, patting his pockets for his phone and wallet. Neither were there. “No, my wife is a doctor, she can clean me up. Do you have a phone I can use?”_

_The man handed him a cell phone and Jake pressed Abby’s number into the phone. “Wow, service. I never get any out here.”_

_The man chuckled next to him. “Switch to Rogers.”_

_The dial tone sounded in his ear, and then his wife’s voice came through. “Abby,” he said._

_“_ Jake, where have you been? I’ve been calling you for hours.”

_“Something happened, I got robbed, I guess. My car, phone and wallet are gone. Can you come get me? It’s the tracks just before the overpass in the city.”_

“I’m on my way, stay put, alright?”

_“I will, I love you.”_

“Love you too.”

_Jake handed the phone back to the man. “Thank you.”_

_“Sure. So you had a car here?”_

_Jake nodded, “I guess the guy took it with him.”_

_The stranger nodded. “There was an accident here a few hours ago, there’s a bunch of glass and shrapnel everywhere.” He pointed to the other side of the road, past where his own car was parked. “Maybe that guy’s karma caught up to him faster than he expected.”_

_Jake nodded solemnly. “Either way, I hope he’s alright.”_

_A car pulled up behind the two men. The bright headlights shone down on them. Abby was quick to run over to her husband. “I’ve been scouring the city for hours,” she said as she hugged him. Jake grunted in pain at her weight on him. “Sorry, sorry.” Abby pulled back and began prodding at him like a proper doctor. After a minute of touching and pressing, “You have a broken nose, and likely a concussion. We should get you home so I can monitor you.”_

_“Told you she was a doctor,” Jake held his hand out to the man who dragged him out of the ditch._

_He shook it in earnest. “Glad someone can take care of you in the aftermath since you can’t handle yourself in a fight.”_

_Jake laughed loudly, “Thank you, again.”_

_He nodded, “Happy to help. Good luck finding out what happened to your car.” The man walked back to his car and drove away._

_“C’mon, let’s get you home,” Abby pulled Jake over to the car and helped him into the passenger seat._

_It was quiet for a few minutes until Jake began to laugh._

_“What?” Abby asked._

_“Just wait until Clarke hears about this. She’ll never be able to one-up me in a story ever again.”_

* * *

 

Clarke was the first to speak after Jake stopped. “So the man I couldn’t save, he was the guy who put you in the ditch?”

Jake shrugged, “The police haven’t given us a definite location on my car yet, but yes, I suppose it’s safe to say it’s in a junk yard. And the guy who put me in the ditch was the guy you couldn’t get to.”

Clarke nodded, making sense of everything. Her father was safe and sound, sitting here in front of her. He was a little worse for wear, but alive. The heaviness in her body was slowly dissipating. “But the guy didn’t make it.”

Abby spoke up, “Likely not, considering the circumstances. But Clarke, you can’t blame yourself for not being able to help him, you know that.” Clarke nodded again. “Let that weight off of your shoulders, I can still see the tension in them.”

Lexa reached up and massaged Clarke’s shoulders lightly. Clarke’s eyes closed at the touch. They leaned into each other, the comfort helping both of them.

Jake grinned at the two of them. Looking to lighten the mood, “So, Lexa. Should I tell Clarke about some of the things you mentioned yesterday while we were having coffee yesterday?”

The massage stopped briefly. Clarke glanced back at Lexa who was trying and failing to hide a blush. Her hands began to move again. She stayed quiet.

Clarke turned back to her father. “You mentioned that on the phone to me. You said she was gushing.” Back to Lexa. “What did you say about me yesterday?” Clarke asked her girlfriend.

Jake’s smile grew larger when he and Abby shared a look, “Something that rhymes with ‘I flaunt to carry burr fun gay.” The real sentence was not lost on the room.

The blush on Lexa’s face grew as she felt Clarke turn around to really look at her. “It slipped out,” Lexa mumbled.

“Glad to learn that the whole U-Haul stereotype really does exist.”

“Jake!”

“Dad!”

Lexa buried her head into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke wrapped an arm around her as she let out a light laugh. “Fun gay,” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s ear.

The original dread in their hearts when they had walked in this morning was swapped with warmth.

Jake kissed Abby’s forehead and stood. “Alright, so now that I’ve embarrassed my future daughter-in-law, I guess the least I could do to make up for it would be to make her my famous pancakes.

Clarke’s head whipped up, “With blueberries and chocolate chips?”

Lexa scrunched her face up, “At the same time?”

Clarke looked at her in surprise, “Of course at the same time. How else would you eat them?”

“Separately? Like a normal person would?”

Clarke scoffed, mouth open ready to speak, but Abby got a word in first.  

“Jake, look, they already bicker like they’re married.”

Jake let out a roar of laughter as Clarke and Lexa fell silent, heat rushing up into their cheeks.


	16. One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s right about the U-Hauling bit.”  
> Lexa chuckled, “I said one day, not next Tuesday.”  
> “Technically, next Tuesday is one day.”  
> Lexa groaned and Clarke giggled. “You know what I mean.”  
> “Okay, so next Friday then?”
> 
> or;  
> They're being cuter than ever and its never going to end.

_I want to marry her one day._

Clarke was smiling to herself the entire drive back to the apartment with this sentence in her mind. It was incredibly endearing that Lexa had let it slip out to her father during a conversation that she wanted to marry her.

_I want to marry her one day, too,_ Clarke thought to herself.

“You’re awfully quiet over there, Clarke.” Lexa broke Clarke out of her thoughts. “What’s on your mind?”

She glanced out of the corner of her eye to her girlfriend who sat next to her. “You,” she said simply, grin still plastered to her face.

“Me?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

“You want to marry me.”

Lexa let out a soft huff. Clarke watched as she bit her bottom lip as if she was trying to hide a smile. “I knew as soon as I said it your dad would make a big deal out of it.”

“He’s right about the U-Hauling bit.”

Lexa chuckled, “I said _one day_ , not next Tuesday.”

“Technically, next Tuesday is one day.”

Lexa groaned and Clarke giggled. “You know what I mean.”

“Okay, so next Friday then?”

“Clarke,” Lexa whined, dragging out her name. “You said one day when we were back at the house.”

Clarke clicked her tongue and hummed, “No, I didn’t.”

Lexa turned her head towards Clarke, “Yes, you did.”

“I didn’t.”

“Clarke.”

“Lexa.” Clarke was having a difficult time concealing her laughter.

“Clarke, you definitely did,”

“I said ‘fun gay’. Nothing about one day.”

Lexa huffed, “You’re ridiculous.”

Clarke couldn’t contain the giggles anymore. It was a good minute before she finally stopped. She looked over and took Lexa’s hand from where it was sitting on her lap. She intertwined their fingers together and gave it a quick squeeze. “You love me even though I’m ridiculous.”

“I suppose.”

Clarke gasped in mock surprise. “You suppose? And to think I was going to marry you one day.”

Lexa burst out, “Ha! There, you said it! No take backs!” She exclaimed.

Clarke just gave Lexa’s hand another squeeze. She turned down the side streets that led to her apartment. It didn’t take long until they were parked outside of the building. She turned the car off, unbuckled her seatbelt, and leaned across the dividing middle and kissed Lexa on the cheek. Lexa pressed into the kiss, sighing softly.

“C’mon. If we’re going to U-Haul it, I want some of my belongings.” Clarke released Lexa’s hand and stepped out of her car. She tugged Lexa along behind her and into her not really shared apartment. “We’re back bitches!” Clarke called out into the apartment.

It wasn’t two seconds until both Octavia and Raven slid out into the kitchen to meet them. “Clarke! You’re looking,” Octavia paused, “Not sad. At all.” Raven elbowed her in the stomach. “How are you holding up?”

Clarke looked at Octavia, “Holding up?”

Octavia squinted at her, “I just spent the entire night crying. I don’t know about you, but I am sad.”

Lexa caught on faster than Clarke, “Oh, Jake. He’s fine, he’s alive and well.”

Raven and Octavia, “How?”

Clarke explained the entire story, complete with all the best hand motions. Soon, they were all on the same page.

“I still feel sick about that guy though. He was a mess,” Clarke said quietly.

Octavia nodded in agreement. “I hope he had some other ID on him so that the police can locate his family.”

Raven clapped her hands loudly, “Alright, enough depressing bullshit. It’s time to gather all of Clarke’s things and move her the hell out of here.”

Clarke slapped Raven on the shoulder, “What the hell, Raven. Why do you want me out of here so badly?”

Octavia groaned, “You had to ask, didn’t you?”

Raven waggled her eyebrows at the girls surrounding her. “I’m turning your room into a sex dungeon.”

Clarke and Lexa groaned in unison.

“That’s my room, Raven, gross.”

“Great, another wonderful visual of Anya in compromising positions.”

Raven elbowed Clarke in the side, “Maybe instead of that studio, you should make up your own sex dungeon.”

Shaking her head, Clarke stood, pulling Lexa up with her. “We haven’t gotten through all of the vanilla sex yet, I think we’ll pause on the BDSM talk. Resume later.”

Clarke pulled a blushing Lexa out of the room. Octavia and Raven’s laughter followed them all the way into Clarke’s bedroom.

“Was it really necessary to tell them that about our sex life, Clarke?” Lexa asked, the embarrassment still evident on her cheeks.

“Lex, Raven and Anya walked in when you were going down on me. And then again when I had only just started touching you and you were ready to come.”

“I’m sensitive, sue me.” Lexa huffed.

Clarke smirked and pushed Lexa up against the closed door. She slipped her hands under her shirt and ran her hands over her chest. Her nipples were already hard after a brief touch, poking through the light material of her bra. Lexa shuddered underneath her. Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck, moving up until she was just below her ear. She nipped and tugged on Lexa’s ear lobe, teasing it with her tongue. Lexa whimpered quietly, so quiet Clarke almost missed it. Almost.

Hands roamed down along Lexa’s taut stomach and past her waistband. Clarke’s fingers gently urged the elastic of Lexa’s underwear away from her body so her hand could be pushed closer to skin. Her fingers dipped down and dragged against skin. Lexa inhaled sharply when pressure was put on her clit. “Clarke,” she moaned.

Clarke hummed in appreciation at the wetness, “You’re soaked, Lexa.” She nipped along Lexa’s jaw line as she moved her fingers in large circles, teasing her girlfriend. Shivers ran through Lexa’s body. Clarke felt them move through her as she pressed her further into the door.

And then fingers were pulled out from the elastic. Clarke backed up and moved to the other side of the room. Lexa whined loudly from the door, slumped against it. “That was rude,” she panted. She smoothed out her clothes and tried to get a handle on her body.

Clarke smirked at her, “Well, the faster that we pack up my stuff, the faster we can get home and continue.”

Lexa stood straighter, “What can I do first?”

 

* * *

 

Through many trying months and getting to know one another more thoroughly, the two of them fell into a certain amount of domesticity. Despite their differences, Clarke and Lexa both enjoyed living together. The ebb and flow of their daily lives was extremely calming.

(Their arguments never became more than just little spats.)

(Clarke was prone to leaving things in Lexa’s normally clear space. After a couple of bruises and too many stubbed toes, she let Clarke know how much she really needed to have everything in its place. Clarke was very sorry.)

(Lexa enjoyed leaving the lights off everywhere she went. There really was no need for them considering she was constantly in the dark anyway. During the first few months, Clarke was startled out of her skin more times than she could count. She became accustomed to speaking to Lexa as she walked throughout the house, searching for her in the dark.)

(Occasionally, Lexa would scare her on purpose for a laugh. That was until Clarke returned the favour one night when she really had to pee. They don’t scare each other anymore.)

Clarke never did go back to being a paramedic after Jake’s accident, finding it much too difficult to keep herself from being panicky when she used to be level headed. Instead, she focused on her art.

With the help of Lexa’s team of editors, publishers, and her well-known agent, the two of them became a well-oiled machine, pumping out several books for young children. Lexa wrote the stories and Clarke spent many hours painting and creating beautiful images for each sentence, all of which Lexa made Clarke explain in great detail.

Lexa never ceased to be amazed at how well Clarke explained her own ideas.

They hardly ever left the other’s side, both doing their work in what used to be Anya’s bedroom, and doting on each other throughout the working hours they set in place to ensure work would be done.

(Clarke frequently went out of her way to get Lexa flustered while she was working, despite Lexa’s meager protests.)

(Lexa’s protests were always meager because who could turn down the beauty that was Clarke Griffin?)

(Answer: certainly not Lexa.)

After two years of disgustingly cute antics, Clarke finally brought it up again.

“Lexa?”

“Yes, darling?”

Clarke grinned across the room at her girlfriend. “When are you going to do it?”

“Do what?”

“Ask me to marry you?”

Lexa stopped her work and spun around in the chair she was sitting in. Clarke placed her paintbrush into the glass of water to soak briefly and rinse out the paint from between the bristles. Lexa cleared her throat. “Why am I the one that has to ask?”

Clarke shrugged and walked to Lexa’s side. “I just thought you might be the one to do it out of the two of us.”

Lexa smiled up at Clarke, “I could ask you. Do you want me to ask you?”

Clarke laced her fingers in Lexa’s, the palm of her hand against the back of Lexa’s. Lexa gave a gentle squeeze. “If you want to ask me, then yes.”

Lexa stood from her chair and motioned for Clarke to sit. Clarke sat and watched as Lexa left the room, returning moments later with her arms behind her back. She moved delicately into the room, ensuring she wouldn’t bump into anything as Clarke sat in her chair.

Her arms came out from behind her to show Clarke a simple black box. “I was waiting for the best moment to do it. I bought it two weeks after I told Jake I wanted to marry you.”

Clarke gasped, “Lexa, that was two years ago. How did you hide it from me?”

Lexa shrugged, a smirk teasing at her lips. “I might be the blind one, but you’re not nearly as observant as you think you are.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “So are you going to ask me, or not?”

Lexa fiddled with the box before the top flipped open, revealing a simple band adorned with two diamonds set together, metal holding them firmly together. “I liked the feel of this one. It’s sort of symbolic, I think. Having the stones pressed together like this, held together by the band wrapped around them. Sort of like a package deal. We’ve become a package deal.”

“We have,” Clarke whispered. She looked at Lexa fondly. Lexa moved inches closer and dropped down to one knee. Despite probing for this moment, Clarke’s heart hammered in her chest and butterflies swooped in her stomach. She scooped Lexa’s free hand up in hers.

“We’re independent people who have become so close and pressed together that when something happens to one of us, it happens to both of us. I think it is such a blessing to have someone I can share absolutely every part of myself with. After everything that has happened to me, I didn’t think that I would ever find happiness again. But I found happiness in you. You brightened me up. Meeting you was like shining a light into darkness.”

Tears welled up in Clarke’s eyes. “Lex,” voice full of love and warmth.

Lexa’s eyes peered directly into Clarke’s. How she managed to do that, to stare directly into Clarke when she spoke sometimes, always made Clarke’s heart melt. Bright green into bright blue. “Do you remember when you were in that accident in the ambulance?”

“How could I forget? You said you loved me in the hospital.”

Lexa scrunched her eyebrows before relaxing, “I did. You heard that?” Clarke squeezed her hand in reassurance. She paused for a moment before continuing. “That night we made a deal.”

Clarke spoke softly, “Together or forever, I remember, Lexa.”

“Together or forever,” Lexa echoed. “You are everything to me, Clarke. Everything I ever could have hoped for in life. And I want to spend the rest of mine with you. So,” she smiled happily at Clarke, her eyes glazed over with her own unshed tears. “Will you marry me?”

Clarke nodded, tears spilling from her eyes. “Yes, Lexa. Of course.” She pulled Lexa in by the collar and pressed her lips quickly but firmly to Lexa’s before wrapping her arms around her fiancée. “I love you.”

Lexa placed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s neck. “I love you. Now, I know I’m very strict about our work hours, but I think this calls for celebration.”

Clarke pulled back to see Lexa pull her bottom lip between her teeth, a smirk threatening to break out despite the happy tears still in her eyes. “Celebration, huh?” Clarke rasped. She watched Lexa’s chest jump at the sudden intake of breath. The sudden tension in the air. “I think that can be arranged.” Clarke slid the ring onto her finger and placed the box on the desk beside her, standing up and pulling Lexa to her feet. “Besides,” Clarke said, a silly grin on her face.

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at her, hearing the smile in her voice.

“The celebration will be fast on your part,” Clarke joked, tugging Lexa toward their bedroom.

Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. “Clarke, you said you would stop with the messy bottom jokes.”

Clarke pressed her against the doorframe, hips pressed firmly together. “Well, now you’re going to be stuck with my teasing forever.” Her fingers skimmed deftly over Lexa’s skin under her shirt. The muscles beneath twitched involuntarily. “How do you feel about that?”

Lexa sighed, arms wrapping around Clarke’s shoulders to bring them closer. “I’ve never been happier in my entire life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may notice that this is the final chapter. Fear not! You will also notice that this is now a part of a series!!   
> I love this universe too much to give it up just yet.   
> But, this is the end of these two for now in this period of time. I plan on including oneshots and glimpses into their future together as single pieces, so keep look out for those! Considering the two year time jump to Lexa's proposal, I'm sure I can find a lot of little things to include.   
> Thank you all so much for your kudos and comments and patience for all of this to come together. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.


End file.
